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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at mil going on and on about the wait for hip replacement when she can afford it privately

119 replies

medona · 11/04/2015 17:14

She just goes on and on about it, fair enough if she was stuck and had no choice. But if she just paid to do it privately she could have it done in weeks rather than months. The doctor that will be doing it is offering to do it privately and it will be done in the same hospital, the only difference is she would have to pay for it.

I wouldn't mind if she was broke, but she's Judy bought a new car and has several expensive holidays each year!

Aibu to think she's being very entitled and should either shut up or just pay?

OP posts:

thegreylady · 15/04/2015 08:26

How long does she have to wait? My dh has seen the consultant and been told the NHS wait is 2 to 3 months in our area.

Original poster

medona · 15/04/2015 08:26

I didn't say that at all! Was another poster.

Fine if you want to wait to use the NHS and give yourself a low quality of life when you've got 6 figures in the bank, BUT stop impeding on my life and moaning about the wait.

OP posts:

thegreylady · 15/04/2015 08:29

Suggest she asks for a referral to Oswestry where the wait isn't long .

unlucky83 · 15/04/2015 10:02

more if he regularly couldn't fill one of his 'private' days could he not say he'd do another NHS day every week?
As he doesn't use NHS hospital facilities for his private days I guess that would depend on whether there was theatre space etc and whether the NHS would pay him (fair enough he shouldn't work for free) ...but if the delay is done to shortage of people who can actually do the operation.... I think it is wrong that someone who could do them is playing golf whilst someone is suffering in pain...
BTW private vs NHS healthcare - many years ago I was told I had a serious health condition that could potentially effect all parts of my body.
Someone paid for a private GP appt for me (I know now he didn't know an awful lot about the condition -but fair enough most GPS don't/didn't.) At the end he advised me to stick to the NHS - I probably would need to see a range of specialists and not only would that be incredibly expensive but also within the NHS the communication and collaboration between them would be better... I would get much better care...

MakeItACider · 15/04/2015 10:14

I think it is wrong that someone who could do them is playing golf whilst someone is suffering in pain

Sorry, but what a horrid statement to make.

When they do NHS work 3 days a work, you do realise they are paid only for those 3 days and not for 5 days? The hospital hires other consultants for the other 2 days - or not, depending on their budget.

I have a friend who is a consultant 3 days a week, she and another consultant applied for a full time post as a job share. She would be well within her rights to do private work on those 2 days if she wished to, many do. She chose to go part time because she has a young child so doesn't (officially) work on the other 2 days. (She does do extra work ad hoc, but gets paid for that).

She DOES deal with people who are suffering in pain, but should she be required to work 7 days a week because of that???????

Icimoi · 15/04/2015 10:38

Presumably the nurses and theatre staff and orderlies are not getting a chunk of money from private patients, even though they are involved in the care. The nhs is paying their wages and they should be only doing nhs work.

It doesn't work like that - the NHS charges for the use of its facilities. Inasmuch as it probably enables the hospital to employ more staff, it may actually help them.

unlucky83 · 15/04/2015 11:03

I made it perfectly clear that I completely understand they only get paid for the days they work for the NHS -and I agree they should be paid.
If the delay in treating people is due to a shortage of people who can actually do the operation - the NHS would pay someone but there isn't anyone ...
You have someone who is prepared to work 2 days privately (so 5 days) but find they don't have enough patients then basically they have a choice - either have an extra day off (play golf), earn less and just work 4 days a week - or work 5, 4 for the NHS and 1 privately... (I don't think I could do the first one with a clear conscience).

(My argument is if no-one paid privately, there would be less private work and therefore consultants may be prepared to work more days for the NHS and the waiting times would go down.
Also I think we need to remember who paid for the majority of their training and gave them their experience...)

Moreisnnogedag · 15/04/2015 11:35

It's unfortunately not as simple as just the consultants being around. Theatre time is a huge issue. There are no free theatre slots - every day each theatre is used for both am and pm slots. He could be around but there's no space for him.

MakeItACider · 15/04/2015 11:41

But there will ALWAYS be private work. Try and have a car accident and see how far claiming on NHS will get you..... They may not charge you straight away, but they charge your/other person's insurance company. There is a REASON for those forms you fill in when you get there.

MakeItACider · 15/04/2015 11:47

Hospitals are difficult places to work in. The bureaucracy, having to fight your corner, etc can be draining.

My friend is in a very difficult position at work. She really believes in the NHS and doesn't want to do private work. But she is becoming so disheartened at constantly having to fight her corner all the time, and making sure her patients get the care they need/deserve. The constant battle is wearing her down. To do private work, even for a day a week, would be very morally uplifting because she would have the ability to manage her own case load on that day, make sure the patients got the care they need etc, etc. To have just 1 day a week where she didn't feel demoralised would revitalise her and make the other days of the week more tolerable.

Hospitals only have so much of a budget to work with - if the private work helps them run their hospitals and gets them an extra income stream to help them manage the budget isn't that a good thing? After all it would give them more money to spend on other vital services.

sparechange · 15/04/2015 12:17

But there will ALWAYS be private work
A massive chunk of users of private doctors in the UK are non-UK residents. Especially in London... Look up the website of any of the big private hospitals and they'll be an option to translate it into Arabic...

An awful lot of people who aren't entitled to NHS care will be in the UK with private health policies, and will pay for private treatment, some of which will be carried out in NHS hospitals who then use the profit they make to provide NHS care.

WigfieldRocks · 15/04/2015 12:23

It's irrelevant if she has lots of money, the NHS isn't means tested (yet!). My mum recently had a HR, all in all from being referred to having op she waited 4 months, pretty good really. Perhaps if she is in a lot of pain she should speak to her GP about better pain control while she waits.

sparechange · 15/04/2015 13:11

Just because you can get something for free, doesn't mean you must get something for free.
I can't fathom the mentality that some people have towards their health, where a holiday or new car is more of a priority than being without pain. Why on earth would someone want to fill themselves with pain killers rather than get an op done sooner?

Original poster

medona · 15/04/2015 13:31

That's exactly it spare, because someone can get it for free they want it for free! Driving me crazy as it affects my life. She's probably like the other poster who would rather get the NHS to pay them she can send the money on a cruise.

Glad for the insights into the system from people here. The whole argument that its jumping has been disproved many times and its obviously not clear cut if private work is good or bad for the long term state of the NHS.

OP posts:

CuntWagon · 15/04/2015 13:52

My hospital does very well out of having a private practice. We have a private ward and clinic, so yes although the nurses are employed by the NHS, they are allocated to the private unit and paid out of that money. So not depriving other areas at all. In fact in times of bed crisis or winter pressure, spare beds on the private ward will have NHS patients put in them. Most consultants who do private work actually do it on top of their full time NHS work. Yes they may spend Tuesday afternoon or whatever doing private, by when you add up all their on call requirements plus other commitments like teaching etc, that dedicated afternoon is just their time off duty. And actually a lot of them do the private clinic in the evenings after 5pm. Most of the ones who choose not to do private still don't take that time off they just work through it, so as with all NHS roles, the NHS gets more hours out of them that they pay for.

Beloved72 · 15/04/2015 14:15

Oh YANBU

FIL waited months for NHS physio (which was very inadequate even when he did get it) gradually losing more and more mobility after his stroke.

Meanwhile, MIL and FIL continued to take holiday after holiday after holiday (three cruises in 4 years), with FIL getting increasingly wheelchair bound and obese with every cruise. Intensive physio could have made a difference if he'd had it at the right time. But no - best wait for NHS.

sparechange · 15/04/2015 14:43

OP
It is one of those topics, like London house prices, that people seem completely blind to seeing the other point of view to their own.
My best mate and I were pregnant with our first at the same time, and both had pretty clear ideas about what sort of birth we wanted. It became very clear very quickly that neither of us was going to get it at our local hospital. I chose to go private, she absolutely couldn't fathom why on earth you would want to pay a penny for something you can get for free, even if that means having to severely compromise. However, at the same time, she thought nothing of wasting spending cash on acupuncture
When her son was 12 weeks old, she went on a holiday that cost more than private maternity would have done, so it wasn't like they didn't have the money hanging around!
Horses/courses, but something where I don't think you can shift someone's mindset if they feel they need to get their money's worth from the NHS. Personally, I prioritise my health above pretty much anything else

RedToothBrush · 15/04/2015 15:05

She has already paid for her hip replacement.

Why should she pay for it twice just because she is able to?

Would you pay for your house or a loaf of bread twice even if money was no object?

IrianofWay · 15/04/2015 15:35

Dad had a major heart op on the NHS. As it was quite urgent he only had to wait a few weeks - he looked into getting it done privately (same hospital, same surgeon) and he'd have had it done one day earlier. Private doesn't always makes that much difference

Icimoi · 15/04/2015 16:31

RedToothBrush, OP isn't saying that her MIL should pay for the hip replacement. All she is saying is that, having decided not to, she should stop moaning about the inevitable effects of that decision, i.e. that she has to wait.

RedToothBrush · 15/04/2015 16:33

No I think the MIL is fair in moaning that since she has already paid for a service she should expect it in a reasonable time frame.

sparechange · 15/04/2015 17:24

Her idea of a reasonable time frame is obviously different from the doctors though. So, she either has to accept the NHS timescale and stop moaning, or pay for it to be done quicker.

I just can't get my head around this 'you've already paid for it, so why waste money on the private option' mentality.
It is like saying 'why waste money going on holiday when there is a perfectly good public park around the corner that we can go and sunbathe and play in for a week'

Floisme · 15/04/2015 18:17

Well you do realise, op that you're doing exactly the same as your mother in law i.e. moaning? Only you're moaning about someone who's in chronic pain.

Leaving aside the politics, I can't decide whether you're being quite unkind or simply at the end of you're tether.

You talk about this 'impeding' your life. Does she live with you or are you her carer? If that's the case then I can understand your frustration yet I don't get that impression from your posts. How often do you see her?

Beloved72 · 15/04/2015 19:07

"No I think the MIL is fair in moaning that since she has already paid for a service"

You have no idea of how much tax the OP's MIL has paid, and in any case, it doesn't work like that. It's not a contributions based system. If it was there are many pensioners around who would have used up all their 'credit' in the first five years of retirement, what with the number of people there are living with chronic conditions in the UK.

Most people don't earn anywhere near enough to pay for all the things the state provides its citizens eg, the cost of their children's education (5 - 7K a year for one child in a state school), university education (9k per child), public services etc.

Beloved72 · 15/04/2015 19:10

"Would you pay for a loaf of bread twice"

If the alternative was to live on sawdust while waiting hungrily for NHS bread I could easily afford buy, then yes, I bloody would!

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