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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at mil going on and on about the wait for hip replacement when she can afford it privately

119 replies

medona · 11/04/2015 17:14

She just goes on and on about it, fair enough if she was stuck and had no choice. But if she just paid to do it privately she could have it done in weeks rather than months. The doctor that will be doing it is offering to do it privately and it will be done in the same hospital, the only difference is she would have to pay for it.

I wouldn't mind if she was broke, but she's Judy bought a new car and has several expensive holidays each year!

Aibu to think she's being very entitled and should either shut up or just pay?

OP posts:
unlucky83 · 12/04/2015 14:48

I see it is about the moaning ...but she might be struggling morally with the concept.
I find this so difficult - paying to queue jump seems really wrong. I don't know how it works but with the same doctor, same hospital it does seem that another patient who can't pay will be pushed further down the line.
But maybe this isn't the case and there are private slots and even if they have spaces NHS patients won't be allowed to fill them...which is also wrong.
(Assuming doctors who do the private operations get paid more to do them - they will also be less inclined to reduce the waiting times, so reduce the amount of people willing to pay)
I'm also reluctant to encourage private health care and insurance ...ime of car, house and pets if 'work' is done on the insurance it is 4 or 5 times the cost of paying as an individual -and even without insurance the figures for healthcare that come out of the US seem excessive...
(I have health issues. My regular blood test in the USA would involve a doctors appt and cost a minimum of $110, maybe as much as $250. You can buy the test machine for £300 and then each test costs £3-5 Hmm).

I would love the ability to make a direct voluntary donation ...so I would happily pay £10 to the NHS for my blood test, £10 for a GPs appt etc -if I can afford it. For an expensive operation the option to pay actual cost or even what I could afford ....but no queue jumping involved.

Original poster
medona · 13/04/2015 08:14

Tbh I'm not 100% sure how it works, I don't think its as simple as saying its jumping line as if no one takes these private spaces they will go unused.

I'm hardly bitter that someone needs a hip replacement!

OP posts:
Phineyj · 13/04/2015 08:27

I think YANBU as this impacts on you and your MIL could be helping herself but isn't. We have done as much in our family and the private treatment has generally been much more straightforward than the NHS and more importantly, at a convenient time. Also, the availability of private fees is rightly or wrongly seen as part of the 'deal' by some consultants. Bevan set it up that way when the NHS was founded to get the doctors on side. The alternative might be more consultants who don't work in the NHS at all.

Fauxlivia · 14/04/2015 21:38

My dad won't pay for private treatment on principle. He says it is fundamentally wrong that the wealthy can skip the queue to get the same treatment in the same hospital by the same doctor and this is what causes long nhs waiting times. He is of the opinion that private treatment shouldn't be carried out in nhs hospitals using nhs resources and it should all be done in completely private hospitals. I find it hard to disagree and admire people who stick to their principles even when suffering great pain.

Original poster
medona · 14/04/2015 21:52

As the pp said, this deal was part of the NHS when it was setup its the basis of the nhs. A private person doesn't push someone down a list from my understanding.

OP posts:
TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 14/04/2015 21:57

YABU. If I needed a part of my body replacing and was in a lot of pain while waiting for the OP I would moan a lot.

I hope your DCs and ILs are more tolerant of you when you are getting on and your body starts failing.

MakeItACider · 14/04/2015 22:23

A consultant who does NHS and Private work would have different days allocated for each, so 3 days NHS and 2 days private. On the NHS days they do NHS work. On the private days they do private work. So being seen on a private day will NOT affect any other NHS patient, it won't push them out of the queue etc.

(Apparently 3:2 is a good ratio, less than 3 days NHS and they can lose their skills as private work isn't sufficiently varied to keep their skill set up).

FabULouse · 14/04/2015 22:29

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Original poster
medona · 14/04/2015 22:30

Thanks cider, I thought that was the case.

That kills dead most of the argument in here against it.

OP posts:
unlucky83 · 15/04/2015 00:07

But then if they didn't have enough private work for 2 days they might reduce it to one? So a 4:1 split and therefore the NHS waiting lists would be smaller...(unless they'd just have an extra day off? which is equally wrong imo)
And asfab says they are taking up theatre space etc that can't then be used by NHS patients...
So it is queue jumping ...

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 15/04/2015 04:26

Does she know how long the queue is, and where she is on it?

Has she asked to go on any short notice cancellation lists... I had surgery at less than 24 hours notice as I was prepared to be very flexible, as I was in loads of pain!

Does she know she can go out of area - she doesnt have to wait at the end of a long queue locally. Of course this would mean that she would physically have the op elsewhere, but with straightforward thr - the stays arent that long.

... Or does she just like moaning..some people do...

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 15/04/2015 04:28

Fab and unlucky

For elective private surgery, often these operations are done in private hospitals... So you are not taking up NHS theatre space.

Eminybob · 15/04/2015 05:54

OP, a private Bupa GP appointment is £70.

I assume you have more than £70 in the bank, so next time you have the need to see a GP for whatever reason, are you going to go private because you can afford to?

Or are you going to book an appointment with your NHS GP and moan about the 3 week wait (or however long the one at your local doctors surgery is) like the rest of us?

Moreisnnogedag · 15/04/2015 06:31

I haven't worked in a place where private and elective are done on the same day tbh. Usually it is as described above, some days private some elective. And yes, my boss doesn't do NHS work just because he doesn't have anything on his private list. Because he'd be working for free then Hmm. Who would?

yeahokthen · 15/04/2015 06:34

My DM had a new hip last year. She was in a great deal of pain, the NHS waiting list was very long but she was worried about 'wasting' money.

I rationalised it by explaining that if she'd had BUPA cover for 30 years she would've paid a lot more in premiums than the £10K for the op.

The surgery has been a big success & she can now enjoy life pain free. Money well spent in her case.
She lives a simple life without cars & fancy holidays, but even if she didn't, people should choose how they spend their money.
I work for the NHS.

PekeandPollicle · 15/04/2015 06:58

My mum had a knee op done privately on her health insurance because the NHS wouldn't do it until she lost weight.

Unfortunately there was no follow up physio or anything except a very brief list of exercises. She is now trying to sort physio privately but has lost a huge amount of mobility in the meantime so struggles to get upstairs. Private hospital couldn't care less.

Floisme · 15/04/2015 06:59

She's not asking for sympathy is she? That's outrageous.

Icimoi · 15/04/2015 07:12

YABU. If I needed a part of my body replacing and was in a lot of pain while waiting for the OP I would moan a lot.

But if you could get rid of that pain quickly by paying money you could well afford, don't you think you might be a bit silly to put up with it? And can you see how it's not necessarily fair to inflict your moaning on your nearest and dearest when it is perfectly within your power to to bring the problem to an end? It's a bit like refusing to spend money on paracetamol and moaning because your headache won't go away.

Floisme · 15/04/2015 07:13

I moan at my nearest and dearest all the time. Isn't that what they're for?

CPtart · 15/04/2015 08:09

YANBU. She's not wrong to expect the treatment on the NHS, but she is wrong to moan about the wait.
I will never understand the generation who "saved for their old age" and then when they reach it won't spend the money! I have seen it instead go as inheritance to family who then blow it on sports cars.

Original poster
medona · 15/04/2015 08:11

Iam - she keeps saying it will be a six month wait, but I'm sure she has not interpreted what they've said correctly as I know several other people and they all say there's was about 18 months.

OP posts:
Original poster
medona · 15/04/2015 08:13

Eminybob

OP, a private Bupa GP appointment is £70.

I assume you have more than £70 in the bank, so next time you have the need to see a GP for whatever reason, are you going to go private because you can afford to?

Firstly its not if you have enough, its if you have enough to spend. Secondly yes if I had a health condition that was making my life difficult I would pay 70 to have a better quality of life and get it fixed quickly. If I ever needed to use an a and e I would go to a private one as its worth it not to wait to me and I could afford it.

OP posts:
Floisme · 15/04/2015 08:14

Nah. I'd moan and spend the money on a cruise.

Fauxlivia · 15/04/2015 08:18

Presumably the nurses and theatre staff and orderlies are not getting a chunk of money from private patients, even though they are involved in the care. The nhs is paying their wages and they should be only doing nhs work. If the consultant wants to do private they should have to work from a private hospital for those 2 days a week.

Eminybob · 15/04/2015 08:20

That's fair enough if you're not going to be hypercritical about it. You said that the NHS should only be used by those who can't afford to go private, so as long as you go private when you can afford to then you are entitled to hold that view about your mil. Doesn't make you right though.