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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask mil if she could get a new car seat?

129 replies

Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 11:28

We gave mil a spare car seat ages ago as she very occasionally had dd, however I've noticed the straps on it aren't working very well- mil really struggles to use them and when fil uses them (witnessed for the first time yesterday) he doesn't tighten the straps, they are very Ridley and require super human strength to tighten.
We got this car seat over a year ago at a car boot, it was £5 and was intended for occasional use (maybe twice a year) when pil took dd (they lived abroad). It was in working order and the straps fitted dd very well at the time.
Today po mentioned as pil were going to toys r us that they might want to pick up a car seat, they are always on offer and could get a new one at a good price and needn't spend a lot and mil said there was nothing wrong with the car seat and they'd never put dd in a seat that wasn't safe.
Now, I would happily go out and buy one for dd, and I will do if they refuse or it turns out iabu and should buy my own dd her car seat for their car but pil are rolling in money, seriously my fil just spent 10k on a watch! I don't understand why mil would rather spend lots of money on dresses for dd etc than just not buy dd stuff she doesn't need for a week and get a car seat that is brand new, straps dd in properly and she can use easily.
I've noticed behind the fabric on the car seat the padding has been taped on, it's obviously come off at some point but I feel that it's just had this day and served its purpose already.
Aibu to insist they get a new one or don't take dd out in the car? Our car seat is strapped in properly in our car and dp uses the car everyday so they couldn't use ours.
Should I just say you don't have to spend your money on a new one but don't expect to take dd out in the one you've got?
Or should I just go grab one and tell them I've decided she needed a new one even if they don't agree and leave it at that?

OP posts:
TeWiSavesTheDay · 11/04/2015 11:32

Carseats have changed a lot in the years since your ils were parents - they probably see it as basically a piece of furniture and as long as it's not falling to bits it's perfectly fine and would be a waste to buy a new one. What he;s spent on a watch is pretty irrelevant in that context.

Personally I would by one myself and give to then so you can be sure you are happy with it and it fits DD well, you don't need to be really strong etc.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 11/04/2015 11:33

buy.

StarlingMurmuration · 11/04/2015 11:33

If you can afford to buy one, I'd just do that. Otherwise they might continue to take your child out in the defective one when you're not there.

straighttothepoint · 11/04/2015 11:34

As soon as you said you bought a car seat from a car boot sale I thought yabu. Yabu for continuing to use what sounds like a shit car seat. But a new one, they can be very cheap but still safe.

DisappointedOne · 11/04/2015 11:34

You bought a seat for £5 at a car boot sale from an unknown person (seat may have been old or involved in an accident) but are griping about your PILS using it?!

Buxtonstill · 11/04/2015 11:34

If you would happily go and buy the car seat, then why not just go and buy it?
It is your child, and I think you should provide it.

TheWhiteRoad · 11/04/2015 11:36

It sounds like they don't realise that car seat safety standards have come a long way recently.

It unacceptable for them to continue to put your DD in the seat.

If they won't buy a new one then you must either do so or refuse to let your DD travel with them.

Car seat safety is something that I would not compromise on.

PeachyPants · 11/04/2015 11:37

Personally I'd go with your last suggestion and just buy the seat and give it to them.

DixieNormas · 11/04/2015 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

straighttothepoint · 11/04/2015 11:37

You could buy a new one for £30 - is your dcs life worth less than that?

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 11:39

Yes I did buy it from a car boot, my pil wanted one for their home abroad of which dd visited once. It was meant for use for 2 days when she went to visit not for regular use. I thought they'd get a new one when they came home. Our car seats are all brand new and very good.

OP posts:
BucketFullOfDinosaurs · 11/04/2015 11:39

Car seats have an "expiry date", as the plastic degrades over time and becomes brittle and unsafe. If you got the seat a while ago and it was second-hand, it's probably had its day. I think the date should be printed on it somewhere - Google it or check the instruction manual if you have it.

I would be saying to PILs " This seat is getting too old now. We'll get a replacement one and drop it round ". If they offer to buy it themselves, great, otherwise you pay for it.

KeturahLee · 11/04/2015 11:40

I think you were crazy to buy a random old carseat at a carboot sale in the first place, so you should definitely just get on and replace it.

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 11:41

And of course my des life isn't worth less than £30. I want to go and buy a new one for pil today but dp is annoyed that his parents would rather spend their money buying dd clothes she doesn't need than a new car seat and feel they should buy it. I'll just have to tell him it's tough and we're buying a new one today

OP posts:
Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 11:44

I didn't want to or have enough money at the time to spend even £30 on a car seat that was inted to be used twice. It's was meant to be a stopgap- if that makes me irresponsible then okay but at the time it seemed a safe option as I checked the car seat over thoroughly and it seemed in vgc.
We've established Im stupid to buy a car seat second hand but it's not really what I'm asking....

OP posts:
Littlemonstersrule · 11/04/2015 11:45

Your child, you buy the seat. I can't believe you suggested they pop to Toys R Us to buy a new one!

Buying a second hand one from a car boot was really dangerous, you have no idea of its past or age.

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 11:48

Ok....iabu clearly. Off to get a car seat. Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 11:49

I didn't suggest anything. Dp suggested it as they are going to toys r us today to buy dd a swing for their garden.

OP posts:
KatieKaye · 11/04/2015 11:50

I don't get that you think it is fine to buy a car seat from a car boot sale because it was only going to be used a couple of times. What if it was defective and one of those "couple of times" was the one time DD was in a car accident and the seat failed?

You say it was intended to be a stop-gap some time ago, but you still haven't replaced it, which is even more strange.

Go out and buy one today.

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 11:55

Yes. I'm irresponsible and useless, just said I'm going out to get one today. Still being got at. Don't know what else I'm meant to say

OP posts:
PeachyPants · 11/04/2015 11:57

It maybe against official advice to buy a second hand car seat but I don't think it makes you irresponsible or stupid to do so, I'd imagine it's still preferable to not having a seat.

SilverBirch2015 · 11/04/2015 11:57

I cannot believe someone would risk their child's safety using a secondhand car seat and have no knowledge of its history. Buy a new one straight away FGS, the issue with the Pils is irrelevant.

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 11:58

... Still going....I think that points been made already. Anyone else want to make me feel a bit worse?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 12:00

The other week people in mums net were suggesting in another thread that a mother get in a taxi to take her child to the doctors without a car seat as its "allowed" in taxis. Not one person objected...I buy one second hand and look...

OP posts:
Lweji · 11/04/2015 12:01

Can't they use yours, if it's that occasionally, and just move it between cars?

If they are doing you a favour in taking the children with them, buy the seat. If it's for their benefit tell them to buy one or the children won't go.