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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask mil if she could get a new car seat?

129 replies

Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 11:28

We gave mil a spare car seat ages ago as she very occasionally had dd, however I've noticed the straps on it aren't working very well- mil really struggles to use them and when fil uses them (witnessed for the first time yesterday) he doesn't tighten the straps, they are very Ridley and require super human strength to tighten.
We got this car seat over a year ago at a car boot, it was £5 and was intended for occasional use (maybe twice a year) when pil took dd (they lived abroad). It was in working order and the straps fitted dd very well at the time.
Today po mentioned as pil were going to toys r us that they might want to pick up a car seat, they are always on offer and could get a new one at a good price and needn't spend a lot and mil said there was nothing wrong with the car seat and they'd never put dd in a seat that wasn't safe.
Now, I would happily go out and buy one for dd, and I will do if they refuse or it turns out iabu and should buy my own dd her car seat for their car but pil are rolling in money, seriously my fil just spent 10k on a watch! I don't understand why mil would rather spend lots of money on dresses for dd etc than just not buy dd stuff she doesn't need for a week and get a car seat that is brand new, straps dd in properly and she can use easily.
I've noticed behind the fabric on the car seat the padding has been taped on, it's obviously come off at some point but I feel that it's just had this day and served its purpose already.
Aibu to insist they get a new one or don't take dd out in the car? Our car seat is strapped in properly in our car and dp uses the car everyday so they couldn't use ours.
Should I just say you don't have to spend your money on a new one but don't expect to take dd out in the one you've got?
Or should I just go grab one and tell them I've decided she needed a new one even if they don't agree and leave it at that?

OP posts:
Singsongsung · 11/04/2015 17:03

Justuse- I totally agree. I would never buy a second hand car seat, in the same way I'd never buy a second hand mattress. If a car seat is at the point where you need gaffer tape to hold it together then replace the thing with a brand new one of the highest quality you can afford. Skimp on other things if you have to but not on car seats.

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 17:10

Oh my...it's still going on. Mumsnet amazes me.
Just a few points not that it's any excuse for my terrible parenting.
The car seat was not stuck with tape when I bought it funnily enough, I may be irresponsible and need educating but certainly not to that extent, thank you.
It was second hand, yes. It was dodgy? I guess luckily I'll never find out.
Thank you all for making me a better mother Flowers
I didn't by rear facing, so no gold star for me but for everyone else Star

OP posts:
Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 17:14

Oh & only realised the car seat was taped & not sufficient yesterday, replaced today- pil hugely offended as apaz I'm suggesting they'd put dd in an unsafe car seat but heyho. I believe the issue is now resolved Wine

OP posts:
Singsongsung · 11/04/2015 17:21

Rear facing are, as far as I'm aware soon to become law for babies up to 18 months. In some countries they already are so it's not really MN madness.

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 17:22

Thanks, dds 2.5

OP posts:
Singsongsung · 11/04/2015 17:24

Rear facing would be daft then. Poor little legs would be squished!!

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 17:31

I thought they go upto age 4? I saw a thread, apparently they hang their legs over the side...

OP posts:
KeturahLee · 11/04/2015 17:33

The law is changing to 15 months rear facing. Plenty of seats rear face til 18kg and poor little legs aren't an issue.

Weebirdie · 11/04/2015 17:39

I buy whatever my grandchildren need for when they are at my house because its the way I want do things .......but if any of my children said to me go and buy a new car seat I would tell them to sod off.

You and your husband sound like a pair of chancers.

TheWhiteRoad · 11/04/2015 17:43

My kids rear faced until 2.5. They hung their legs over the sides and didn't get squished. Both of their seats were Swedish imports and they only had 1 UK stockist at the time. They may have been safe but they were an absolute arse to install correctly and removing them from one car to put in another was a real faff. Both of my DCs hated their seats and begged me to let them face the 'right' way. I 'gave in' when they were 2 and a half as car journeys were beyond miserable.

I bought the best front facing seats I could afford and do not regret my decision.

TheWhiteRoad · 11/04/2015 17:44

I only know one other person in my real life who has had DCs rear facing past 14 months or so and she was Swedish so RF was what she was used to.

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 17:48

Chancers?
They only take dd because THEY want to. I don't ask them to. I don't say "hey pil, take dd, make sure you ale her out in the car and be sure to buy a new car seat"
They insist on taking her all the time, out in the car. And Usually I can't get them to STOP buying stuff to do, and it wasn't me who bloody asked mil if she could pick one up it was DP.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 11/04/2015 17:52

If you have three children under 4, what do they do with their legs in rear facing seats? No room to hang over the side.

Weebirdie · 11/04/2015 17:56

Its nothing to do with them taking your wee one out which as far as Im concerned is what grandparents do.

The right thing to have done was to buy a car seat, not for your husband to chance his arm by trying to get his parents to pay for it.

And the fact they are rolling in money is absolutely nothing to do with your husband or you.

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 18:01

Should I pay my mum back for the car seat she went out and bought without a word from me then?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 18:04

when I have grandchildren i won't expect my dd to buy car seat for her car, my car and her in laws car.
It's ridiculous if you have more than 1 child and even worse if you have more than two sets of grandparents.
But maybe I'm odd for thinking like that.

OP posts:
Patapouf · 11/04/2015 18:04

YABU for buying a car seat at a boot sale! YABU for expecting someone else to buy a seat for your DD. It is your responsibility to make sure she is safe in a car.

It doesn't matter that you were only planning on using it once. To be blunt: your DD only has to be in one accident to die.

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 18:09

Thanks pata.

OP posts:
Patapouf · 11/04/2015 18:14

Just read the full thread, glad you bought a new one! dont take it personally, i work with car seats and 95% of parents know fuck all about car seat safety!

Singsongsung
Rear facing would be daft then. Poor little legs would be squished!!
Is this a joke? Educate yourself ffs.

DisappointedOne · 11/04/2015 18:16

Rear facing seats sit higher than forward facing ones. In DD's her legs went easily between the edge of the RF seat and the back of the car seat, by over the sides. (Most cars don't fit 3 child seats in the back anyway.) We could only use the seat in one car though, so she was a mixture of rear and forward facing from about 2.5 depending on which car we were in.

Weebirdie · 11/04/2015 18:17

Why would you do that? Your mum went and bought it the same way I go and buy everything my grandchildren need for when they're with me because I want to and can. But thats the point - no one expected me to and none of them slipped in a sneaky 'oh if you'r off to Toys'r'us grab a car seat while you're there.

Why didn't you ask them to get another one from a car boot sale? Or is that not allowed cos they're loaded?

Lweji · 11/04/2015 18:23

They only take dd because THEY want to. I don't ask them to. I don't say "hey pil, take dd, make sure you ale her out in the car and be sure to buy a new car seat". They insist on taking her all the time, out in the car. And usually I can't get them to STOP buying stuff to do, and it wasn't me who bloody asked mil if she could pick one up it was DP.

But you can STOP them taking your DD in the car if they don't have the appropriate car seat.

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 18:34

I'm sorry but my in laws would have gone APE SHIT if I told them they couldn't take dd out in the car, "sorry your seat is unsafe you can't have her and I can't afford a new one " is the equivalent of asking them to buy a new car seat and actually id rather dd asked me to get a new car seat for my car rather than tell me I can't have my grandchild. Dp asked them to get a car seat because they were on their way to toys r us and could pick one up cheap, they were on their way to pick up a swing for their garden for dd, happy to splash the cash on everything but a car seat, that's why he mentioned it and I wouldn't have thought anything of it if my own daughter asked me to get the next stage up car seat or whatever for her own dd for my car. But clearly I'm batshit crazy.
I'm deffinitely done here.
Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 11/04/2015 18:34

Has anyone ever thought about what we are going to do with all these 'second hand' car seats? Put them in the ground to never rot. I am sure some are fine. I sold my baby car seat to a friend - second hand doesn't always mean unusable,