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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask mil if she could get a new car seat?

129 replies

Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 11:28

We gave mil a spare car seat ages ago as she very occasionally had dd, however I've noticed the straps on it aren't working very well- mil really struggles to use them and when fil uses them (witnessed for the first time yesterday) he doesn't tighten the straps, they are very Ridley and require super human strength to tighten.
We got this car seat over a year ago at a car boot, it was £5 and was intended for occasional use (maybe twice a year) when pil took dd (they lived abroad). It was in working order and the straps fitted dd very well at the time.
Today po mentioned as pil were going to toys r us that they might want to pick up a car seat, they are always on offer and could get a new one at a good price and needn't spend a lot and mil said there was nothing wrong with the car seat and they'd never put dd in a seat that wasn't safe.
Now, I would happily go out and buy one for dd, and I will do if they refuse or it turns out iabu and should buy my own dd her car seat for their car but pil are rolling in money, seriously my fil just spent 10k on a watch! I don't understand why mil would rather spend lots of money on dresses for dd etc than just not buy dd stuff she doesn't need for a week and get a car seat that is brand new, straps dd in properly and she can use easily.
I've noticed behind the fabric on the car seat the padding has been taped on, it's obviously come off at some point but I feel that it's just had this day and served its purpose already.
Aibu to insist they get a new one or don't take dd out in the car? Our car seat is strapped in properly in our car and dp uses the car everyday so they couldn't use ours.
Should I just say you don't have to spend your money on a new one but don't expect to take dd out in the one you've got?
Or should I just go grab one and tell them I've decided she needed a new one even if they don't agree and leave it at that?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 12:04

It was occasionally when they lived abroad. It's not now and I never ask them to take dd, they take her because they want to.
I'm going to buy a new one today.

OP posts:
SilverBirch2015 · 11/04/2015 12:04

A child would actually probably be safer without a child seat than one that is faulty!

Pico2 · 11/04/2015 12:07

I spoke to a car seat manufacturer to find out what the expiry date is for our seats and they said that there isn't one in the UK as it isn't legislated for.

I'd just buy them a new one.

BullshitS70 · 11/04/2015 12:14

I have a cheap one from Tescos which cos £6 for when we need a spare (like taking a child home after a playdate here or something). Surely you can afford that - and could have done years ago when you bought the dodgy one from the car boot sale seeing as its only £1 more expensive. I mean honestly, I do not get it (people buying 2nd hand car seats - its just a no no)

Buxtonstill · 11/04/2015 12:37

The thing is, they are entitled to spend their money on what they wish. If F.iL wants to buy a watch for £10k then good for him if he can afford it. You sound a little ungrateful as well, 'buying clothes DD doesn't need' they would probably be quite hurt if they realised that their generosity is being sneered at.

BucketFullOfDinosaurs · 11/04/2015 12:45

Come on OP, you've asked what you should do, people replied, and you've listened and are doing it. But it's Saturday and we're all hanging round bored on the internet; you can't expect people to just go "Ah, grand, ok then, we'll leave you alone and go and cut the grass!".

DeeWe · 11/04/2015 12:51

Buying one second hand isn't ridiculous. Most people are honest and won't sell one that's been in an accident.

I bought the 2nd stage car seat for dd1 from a tabletop sale. We had no car, and it was just being that there were perhaps 2-3 times a year someone would offer a lift to something I couldn't otherwise get to, and the alternative was dd1 travelling without a seat. Saw two for sale looking pretty much brand new, chatted to the chap selling them about all manner of stuff before I admitted that I was interested in them, and he seemed pretty honest and caring (met him since and is definitely both).
He explained that he'd bought new car seats for his twins for grandma's car so they'd only been used a couple of dozen times. I paid 5, rather than around 50+ for good solid Britax seats.

I used it maximum a dozen times before we got a car, when we then bought a new car seat as we were going to use it more. And I suspect through 3dc that by the time ds came along it had had far more use.

I would go and get one for myself. My dm would have been up to date with safety regulations and would probably have straight away bought new. MIL is much more "well we didn't do that and we survived" and would have probably told me not to bother. Hmm

Nanny0gg · 11/04/2015 12:52

People sell car seats on Ebay all the time and you take their word that it's never been in an accident.

Same at a boot sale. Hundreds of people have done it and hopefully they've been ok. Sometimes you make a judgement. Why does everyone assume the seat was dodgy when it was bought?

I didn't realise that car seats had a shelf-life. My DGC's seats have been passed down and around; none of them have been in accidents. When should that stop?

DixieNormas · 11/04/2015 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

keepsmiling2015 · 11/04/2015 12:53

You bought a second hand car seat from a car boot sake, gave it to them to use and you're now moaning that they're using it. Think about it.

I think you should just say straight out yo tgem that you don't think it's suitable. Tell them you're going to buy a new one and ask them to keep an eye out for one- if they see one on offer or something. I'm sure they'll buy it themselves as you say they're rolling in it.

Only1scoop · 11/04/2015 12:55

Doesn't really matter who buys it as long as your dc is safe. Avoid boot sales for safety equipment. Brand new one are inexpensive these days especially the type you would buy to use occasionally.

DixieNormas · 11/04/2015 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 13:09

Everyone can relax now. I've bought a bran new one with adjustable straps and everything.

OP posts:
BucketFullOfDinosaurs · 11/04/2015 13:15

Well, that's no fun... Grin

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 11/04/2015 13:26

bucket sorry to ruin your Saturday entertainment, we could still discuss my irresponsible car seat buying! Maybe a few links to the dangers of this would be a good idea?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 11/04/2015 13:35

Just noticed you've purchased Op....

Oh well off to cut the lawn then....Smile

DisappointedOne · 11/04/2015 14:12

Would you like me to tell you how seats with straps are potentially more damaging than those with lap cushions? Or of the benefits of extended rear facing seats?

KeturahLee · 11/04/2015 14:26

And how impact cushions are potentially more dangerous than straps...

Justusemyname · 11/04/2015 14:30

You do realise that an accident won't stop itself from happening because it happened on the two days a year that your child is in a useless car seat?

You should never buy a car seat from someone who you don't trust to tell you it hasn't been in an accident. You take a risk with your child's life every time they are driven in a car full stop and if they are sat in a defective car seat they stand NO chance in an accident.

It isn't about strangers relaxing because you bought a decent seatHmm, it is about trying to educate someone who clearly didn't realise a second hand car seat is rarely a good idea.

ClumsyNinja · 11/04/2015 14:39

A few parents pop to school and collect their kids in their tractors around here. No proper seats let alone a car seat.

Mind you, perched in a tractor is probably safer than being in a little car on these roads. Grin

DisappointedOne · 11/04/2015 15:19

And how impact cushions are potentially more dangerous than straps...

Only if the vehicle rolls (rare).

MikeEhrmentraut · 11/04/2015 15:22

Justusemyname I think she's been educated by now, don't you? Jesus.

MissDuke · 11/04/2015 15:36

I trust you all only ever buy brand new cars or 2nd hand from someone you know well and therefore know the history of? I have heard of far more serious injuries attributed to dodgy 2nd hand cars than 2nd hand car seats.

DisappointedOne · 11/04/2015 15:45

Yes, I only buy new when it comes to cars.

Justusemyname · 11/04/2015 16:19

Calm down Mike. I'm allowed to say my piece.

I always buy new car seats and have bought a lot over the years including an immediate replacement when a stupid women crashed into the back of me.