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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my mil being unreasonable re car damage by random child

143 replies

londonrach · 11/04/2015 07:45

My pil have bought themselves a new car. A skoda. Its their pride and joy. It gets washed weekly. My fil is in her 70s but due to limited money cant afford to buy the car outright so he got a job (which he enjoys) to pay for this car and holidays. Pension for day to day living.

We stopped at pub on way back from something (as i needed toilet) and they stayed in car in the car park whilst i popped into the toilet. On returning to the car i found my mil in floods of tears and everyone upset. Whilst i was away a young lad had cycled his bike into the car side and left a huge dent (handbars) in the side. He was cycling beside his parents. From what i understand my mil and fil jumped out of stationary car and spoke to parents and child re damage. I think my mil was in tears and very upset. The mother of this child became very aggressive as did the father. Anyway when i returned mil was in tears, fil was shaking and dh had manages to stop them driving off without me. Pil have now got to find £200 plus to get the dent removed. Parents of child refused to do anything and from what dh said it became a very aggressive situation. I told my dm about this and she just said its a just car so what and my mil was making a big fuss about nothing. My mil is very ill at the moment so our day out was meant to cheer her up.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 11/04/2015 20:38

I seem to have something in my eye.

Flowers to the MNetter, you are a Star

MoanCollins · 11/04/2015 20:44

When you're really ill and going through a traumatic time a really small thing can push you over the edge. She's probably having to keep it together all the time anyway and is so close to the edge something can just push her right over it.

I totally understand why she felt like that, it was probably like a dam bursting and all her worries about her health, her guilt over making everybody worry. This incident just probably the catalyst rather than the cause of her upset.

youarekiddingme · 11/04/2015 20:49

Wow. To the MNer and their relation (or the garage owner who reads MN!) - what a lovely kind and amazing act of kindness. Flowers

GraysAnalogy · 11/04/2015 20:53

Cycling to the food bank oh for the love of god you are clutching at straws to turn the parents into victims aren't you

TenerifeSea · 11/04/2015 20:53

Mystery MNer, you are a lovely and kind person. Flowers

Original poster
londonrach · 11/04/2015 20:55

Mijas99 i find that very upsetting. My mil is very ill and our day out was meant to cheer her up. Im a real person and this was a real situatin that happened. Mnhq knows who i am. Its not all disney as my mil has lost her confidence as a result of this and still refusing to let the car go anywhere apart from the garage. She hasnt left the house today!!!!!!! This whole situation has been awful to a lady who only tries her best for her family. I really wish i hadnt needed the toilet that day! It was my fault as if i hadnt needed the toilet, we wouldn't have stopped and the whole car situation wouldnt have occured. Tbh at the moment my main worry is my mil and getting her to enjoy life again. If someone is in great pain it takes over their life and that day was the only day we got her out for weeks.... The has put us back... This random act has cheered up my fil and tbh myself and dh.

OP posts:
Aridane · 11/04/2015 20:56

STFU, mijas99

OP - what a lovely gesture!

SoupDragon · 11/04/2015 21:02

And if the family were cycling on their way to the food bank, should they still have been made to pay for you in-laws indulgent metal box

Even if they were cycling to the food bank they were aggressive twats with no manners.

RoseWithAThorn · 11/04/2015 21:06

Mijas99

There was no need for that.

londonrach. What a lovely update. I hope your MIL starts to recover soon.

AmIthatHot · 11/04/2015 21:08

What a lovely update

And how nice to know that the majority on this thread are decent folk

Wootle - sorry, but if your son had damaged my car, I wouldn't have given a shiny shit about his grazed knees. Sorry notsorry

and mijas99 - words fail me. You sound like the mother in this story

woodhill · 11/04/2015 21:13

pure conjecture about a food bank and still doesn't mean that gives the parents the right to mouth off at an old lady when it is their dc who has caused the problem.

so glad kind garage owner has offered to help.

Salmotrutta · 11/04/2015 21:14

mijas - do us all a favour and wind your neck in.

TIA.

TheFairyCaravan · 11/04/2015 21:26

london take no notice, lovely. The vast majority of us know that your PILs and you are no way at fault in this incident. The parents of the child caused your MIL great upset and made her ill, you don't need to try to justify yourself to anyone. It was not your fault, you could not have predicted this. Please don't blame yourself. Some people are just ignorant and looking to upset people or cause a fight.

Flowers Cake Wine Brew for you and your MIL xxx

cedricsneer · 11/04/2015 21:27

Mijas Shock. What a fucking ridiculous way to try to validate your PoV. I hope your mil gets her confidence back soon. Lovely that the garage did it on the house.

ShebaRabbit · 11/04/2015 21:33

I wish I could be surprised at the obnoxious "my child should be the centre of everyone's universe" attitudes here but there are many selfish parents like this around. Its creating a very callous generation when you cant find it in your heart to feel sympathy for an elderly couple being threatened by a pair of degenerates. In their 70's, one ill, one still working to fund a half decent lifestyle and yet they still find it in themselves to be very generous to their DS and DiL.
Well done to that MNetter, that was a really lovely thing to do.
Foodbank my arse.

bananayellow · 11/04/2015 21:50

Even if they were on the way to the foodbank and were totally penniless, then heartfelt apologies and obvious mortification would have gone a long way towards helping the pils feel more generous.

Most of us aren't completely heartless and even though we would be upset at the situation, we wouldn't want to put a family into dire financial straits.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/04/2015 22:50

"cedricsneer Sat 11-Apr-15 21:27:42
Mijas Shock. What a fucking ridiculous way to try to validate your PoV."

Absolutely agree with this - what a moronic comment by Mijas!

London - that is absolutely wonderful that the man your FIL took the car to knew about your thread - see, you have done a great thing for them already! What a very kind man he must be and Thanks and Star to him (and whomever he knows who told him about the thread if he's not an MNer himself)

Re. your MIL - does she have a GP or a nurse or someone she could talk to? She needs to be able to talk out her shock and vulnerability, and she might not take kindly to the idea of counselling. Perhaps next time she goes to the GP, if she tells them what happened, it might help her, just to talk it out. Shock can persist for some time, especially as she's already not in the most robust condition.

FishWithABicycle · 12/04/2015 04:49

OP stop thinking that this is your fault. Exactly the same thing could have happened at the shops or anywhere else - it was just bad luck. The impact it's having on your MiL is also clearly not because of this incident and isn't your fault either - if this hadn't happened then a different mildly-stressful-to-someone-not-already-teetering-on-the-edge situation would have been the last straw instead.

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