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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is my mil being unreasonable re car damage by random child

143 replies

londonrach · 11/04/2015 07:45

My pil have bought themselves a new car. A skoda. Its their pride and joy. It gets washed weekly. My fil is in her 70s but due to limited money cant afford to buy the car outright so he got a job (which he enjoys) to pay for this car and holidays. Pension for day to day living.

We stopped at pub on way back from something (as i needed toilet) and they stayed in car in the car park whilst i popped into the toilet. On returning to the car i found my mil in floods of tears and everyone upset. Whilst i was away a young lad had cycled his bike into the car side and left a huge dent (handbars) in the side. He was cycling beside his parents. From what i understand my mil and fil jumped out of stationary car and spoke to parents and child re damage. I think my mil was in tears and very upset. The mother of this child became very aggressive as did the father. Anyway when i returned mil was in tears, fil was shaking and dh had manages to stop them driving off without me. Pil have now got to find £200 plus to get the dent removed. Parents of child refused to do anything and from what dh said it became a very aggressive situation. I told my dm about this and she just said its a just car so what and my mil was making a big fuss about nothing. My mil is very ill at the moment so our day out was meant to cheer her up.

OP posts:
mariamin · 11/04/2015 13:36

No my concern in this situation would be the ill and elderly MIL. She is the vulnerable one in this situation.

Birdsgottafly · 11/04/2015 13:37

I agree that MIL needs TLC right now, there are changes happening for her and an increase in vulnerability, that I've seen lots, working in elderly care.

The decent thing to do would be to pay for the repair, like dog owners replace football's etc.

The parents should be grateful that the car wasn't reversing whilst the child wasn't adequately supervised.

The child shouldn't of been riding that close to a car especially with passengers in, you would assume that they were about to drive off.

TheFairyCaravan · 11/04/2015 13:38

I would imagine the child was in tears becuase his parents were gobbing off and being threatening to 2 elderly people.

blondegirl73 · 11/04/2015 13:41

I am astonished that a child's bike, ridden presumably quite slowly by a wobbly little boy, can do £200 worth of damage to a brand-new car. I thought cars were super safe and strong nowadays? Not supposed to crumple with the slightest bash.

mariamin · 11/04/2015 13:47

blondegirl - He must have been going slightly faster to cause that damage. But cars are supposed to crumple. to protect pedestrians in crashes. So if the car had hit that boy, it would have been less likely to seriously hurt or kill him.

hiddenhome · 11/04/2015 13:48

Refusing to take responsibility and being rude, hostile and threatening to strangers is the hallmark of our society now. These two elderly people are having to come to terms with this change and it is upsetting.

GraysAnalogy · 11/04/2015 13:53

wootle it's attitudes like yours that make this world a worse place.

People who take no responsibility for their kids actions. Yes it was an accident, but why should the owners have to pay for an accident your child had? I can't believe you didn't offer a penny. I would be so ashamed of myself if I did that.

If your child broke something expensive in a friends house would you be so flippant then?

CitySnicker · 11/04/2015 14:08

It takes a village to raise a child.....or pay for their mistakes at least so the biological parents can shirk their responsibilities.

wootle · 11/04/2015 15:43

My priority would be the child, not any adults, however elderly, sorry.

I never saw the alleged damage caused by my child, in reality I suspect there was none. Even if there had been, it's only a car. I've paid for damage done to my car by other children so I'm not a hypocrite Smile. My DC haven't ever broken anything at a friends house so I've never turned my mind to it. Generally speaking, if it was an accident by a child I wouldn't expect to pay, just like I wouldn't expect money if their DC damaged something of mine.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 11/04/2015 15:56

The thing is, its not just a car. It is something that someone is working hard to pay for, something they picked, got excited about.

You wouldnt say, its just a home if someone burnt it down, its something you worked hard to make into yours.

madreloco · 11/04/2015 16:06

My priority would be the child, not any adults, however elderly, sorry.

This is why there are so many horrible children around today, parents who think like this. As if your pfb's grazed knee is more important than anyone else. Selfish buggers.

Poor MIL. Sounds like they have had a tough time and are very emotional about having a nice car, which is perfectly ok to be. Some little shit has damaged it and the big shits that made him have refused to pay for it, as they should have done. No wonder she's so upset.

Cheby · 11/04/2015 16:13

Calling the child a little shit, for being a bit wobbly on his bike and accidentally knocking into a car, is totally unacceptable.

UncertainSmile · 11/04/2015 16:24

Your poor MIL. Saves to buy something modest and nice, someone else ruins it and gets all aggressive too.

GraysAnalogy · 11/04/2015 16:49

Oh bore off with this 'think of the children rhetoric. He wobbled on a bike, he didn't lose his leg. Why wouldn't you expect to pay wootle? Shocking attitude. That's going to be passed on to the parents of the future. Ffs.

NellysKnickers · 11/04/2015 16:59

Anyone else feel sorry for the child amongst all this hysteria. If either of my dcs had fell off their bike into a car and we were confronted by two pensioners demanding recompense then I may well be a but pissed off too and give them a mouthful. I'm sure if the situation had been dealt with from the start in a calm manner, details would have been swapped and all sorted.

GraysAnalogy · 11/04/2015 17:02

Hold on where have you got that from? It says the 'pensioners' (Hmm) tried to speak to the parents to which they didn't get a good response, they were treated with aggression, which evidently upset the people who's car it was - understandably. If you're going to blame anyone blame the child's parents for not dealing with this responsibly and instead becoming aggressive.

UncertainSmile · 11/04/2015 17:04

If either of my dcs had fell off their bike into a car and we were confronted by two pensioners demanding recompense then I may well be a but pissed off too

Really?? I'd have been bloody apologetic.

TheFairyCaravan · 11/04/2015 17:06

Nelly the child fell in to two cars, one of which had passengers in. The PILs got out of the car to look, I know DH, both my DSes and I would have done the same. Who says they weren't calm? From the OP it sounds like the parents are nasty, aggressive people, not the PILs. Most people would have apologised and offered to pay, not threatened to knock an old lady over!

NellysKnickers · 11/04/2015 17:10

Sorry. Maybe I misunderstood. I would of course pay for damage. It just seems all a bit over the top, the shaking and crying over a dent, can't be that big, made by a child, not another car. Anyway apologies if I've caused offence, certainly was not my intention.

Salmotrutta · 11/04/2015 17:11

I can't believe the attitudes expressed by some people on here Shock

Two elderly people, one of them unwell, minding their own business get their stationery new car dented by a bicycle. Then have the scary aggression of the horrible parents of the careless child to deal with.

And some people on here are saying they should "calm down" or are "overreacting" and that the child is the priority... Shock

youarekiddingme · 11/04/2015 17:14

YANBU.

My DS knows and has known from day 1 you stay away from cars. It that means walking through a tight spot then that's what you do.
If you damage someone's property - accident or not you pay up.

It must be even harder to stomach when it's money that isn't easy to find.

TheFairyCaravan · 11/04/2015 17:14

She's probably shaking and crying over the whole incident, which included the mother of the child being "about to knock her over"!

woodhill · 11/04/2015 17:14

I would have been so upset if some dc had done the same to my car. The parents should have kept a closer eye on the dc on the bike and offered to pay up.

I don't blame your ILWs. I wonder what the parents would have done if the person whose car they hit was someone who was a bit more menacing.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 11/04/2015 17:27

Oh dear. It does all sound rather blown out of proportion. I'm not saying mil and Fil shouldn't be upset but the amount of upset relative to the incident and all the resulting histrionics is just too much. It really doesn't help to turn a relatively minor drama into a huge crisis and I think the kindest thing for pil would be to offer practical help and support like getting the car fixed (as much as you can) and stop validating the histrionics.

Practical things might include making a police report because there was at least one other car damaged and there may be CCTV or they could be known to the pub workers or similar. But I think my view of whether this would be constructive would depend on exactly what happened, who shouted at who first, who threatened etc.

I do think the best thing might be to stop indulging mil over this and try to keep things in proportion.

DinkyDye · 11/04/2015 17:27

I agree with mad.

wootle the damage was your responsibility. It was your dc who caused it.

Thankfully this thread has gone the way l'd hoped but the few posters whose apparent lack of parental responsibility really shouldn't surprise me.