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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my mil being unreasonable re car damage by random child

143 replies

londonrach · 11/04/2015 07:45

My pil have bought themselves a new car. A skoda. Its their pride and joy. It gets washed weekly. My fil is in her 70s but due to limited money cant afford to buy the car outright so he got a job (which he enjoys) to pay for this car and holidays. Pension for day to day living.

We stopped at pub on way back from something (as i needed toilet) and they stayed in car in the car park whilst i popped into the toilet. On returning to the car i found my mil in floods of tears and everyone upset. Whilst i was away a young lad had cycled his bike into the car side and left a huge dent (handbars) in the side. He was cycling beside his parents. From what i understand my mil and fil jumped out of stationary car and spoke to parents and child re damage. I think my mil was in tears and very upset. The mother of this child became very aggressive as did the father. Anyway when i returned mil was in tears, fil was shaking and dh had manages to stop them driving off without me. Pil have now got to find £200 plus to get the dent removed. Parents of child refused to do anything and from what dh said it became a very aggressive situation. I told my dm about this and she just said its a just car so what and my mil was making a big fuss about nothing. My mil is very ill at the moment so our day out was meant to cheer her up.

OP posts:

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 11/04/2015 17:31

Where we live there are some very expensive cars. I have a mild conniption every time the dc wobble near them on a bike or scooter because I don't fancy paying the bill and I absolutely would if my child damaged someone's property.

I still think the whole situation has become ridiculously over blown.

Salmotrutta · 11/04/2015 17:33

Did you read the bit about the MIL being unwell at all MovingOnUp, and very unwell by the sound of it from the OP?

SuburbanRhonda · 11/04/2015 17:38

So the parents of the boy were aggressive and confrontational and threatened to push your MiL, but told you their son had knocked into another car moments earlier?

Why would they tell you that, I wonder?

I do think someone needs to help your MiL get this into perspective so she can move on from it.

Hakluyt · 11/04/2015 17:43

"two pensioners demanding recompense then I may well be a but pissed off too and give them a mouthful. "
Particularly if you knew one of them was a mil, eh?

DinkyDye · 11/04/2015 17:44

Maybe they saw him suburban

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 11/04/2015 17:45

Yes of course Samlontrutta it was right there in the op and subsequent posts and informs exactly what I posted.

I really don't think it's helpful to validate a distorted idea of the severity of the incident. I think helping mil put things in perspective it is the kindest and most helpful thing to do. Sometimes we need a bit of a yard stick to see that things aren't as bad as they feel and when we don't have that because everyone is fuelling the drama it can make us feel worse. Often when we are very ill it is harder to keep things in perspective and that why it is really important that those around us do - so that we can move on.

Salmotrutta · 11/04/2015 17:49

Fleecyleesy · 11/04/2015 17:50

I despise people who think it's ok to damage people's property and get away scot free.

It was an "accident" but clearly the child's parents were not supervising properly if the child had just hit another car. Selfish people thinking they can do as they please.

I would be gutted in your pil's position but realistically the best thing for them to do is pay the £200 quickly (from own pocket, excess will be larger than that anyway prob) and get it fixed quickly and forget it ever happened. It's the kind of society we live in these days, huge swathes if people selfish and not giving a shit about anyone else.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 11/04/2015 17:53

Not sure what the is for but fair enough. Though there's not really enough in that reply to persuade me I'm wrong

RoseWithAThorn · 11/04/2015 17:58

I agree with other posters that MIL will need a lot of TLC.

I'm shocked at a few posters saying they wouldn't pay for damage that their child caused. To some people it is not just a car. I know our cars aren't 'just cars', they're things we've worked damn hard to afford just like the OP's PIL.

In the situation you describe OP your DH probably wanted to get his elderly parents out of there and he wouldn't have thought to ask for names etc. (I doubt they'd have given them anyway). A lot of pubs have CCTV. Could you try ringing them to ask? It's a shame your FIL will need to foot the bill, especially due to negligent parents. What they did is teach their child it's perfectly fine to damage things and not pay for the damage.

wootle we drive very expensive cars and I can assure you if ours were damaged by a child I'd be ensuring the parents paid for damage. We don't spend x amount on insurance to make a claim due to negligent parents.

Twiggy71 · 11/04/2015 17:59

My parents who are in their early 70's recently got their car damaged in their drive. It was one of the neighbours children who's handlebars had scrapped along side the side panel of the car and caused about £200 worth of damage. The child had no reason to be in my parents drive and when my dp's told the neighbour who is the childs parent what had happened he paid for the damage.
I have 2 dc of my own and if they'd caused damage to other peoples property I'd consider it my responsibilty to pay up.

hackmum · 11/04/2015 18:07

If your MIL is very ill she'll be feeling particularly fragile so something like this will have knocked her for six. It's not just about the car.

Original poster

londonrach · 11/04/2015 19:13

I dont know who you are but thank you. Fil took car into a garage today and was asked if his dil was a mntter after he told to tale. Result dent was pulled out for free and im considering changing my name. Mind you i dont see why people change names as i am what i am. So thank you. I just wish someone can now give my mil her confidence back. As others have worked it its not about the car....its deeper than that. My mil is the best mil you can ask for and at the moment she fragile and needs support. Shes been there for us and i will continue to appreciate her. We do that as much as we can. Oh to turn back time and have her without pain! I just hope parents of that child (no idea what they looked like) read this and realise their damage. Ive given enough details. I also really wish i didnt need the toilet as we wouldnt have stopped! X

OP posts:

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 11/04/2015 19:18

That is amazing! Hope your mil feels brightened by such a wonderfully kind act and that she can put things behind her now.

That's two random acts of MN kindness I've read today. Helps balance out the wankerishness a LOT!

eleflump · 11/04/2015 19:21

Oh, that's wonderful!!!!

Really hope your PILs are cheered up a bit by this and they feel able to take the car out again.

Original poster

londonrach · 11/04/2015 19:30

Sadly i think it take more than this. Mil has days of not thinking she seeing the next day. Please whoever you are thank you xxx

OP posts:

GraysAnalogy · 11/04/2015 19:33

Such a lovely thing for someone to do. Whoever you are, you're ace.

MQv2 · 11/04/2015 19:35

So a couple of scumbags where non plussed their kid damaged someone's car and also became aggressive.
Gonna say that your in laws were not in the wrong here.

greenfolder · 11/04/2015 19:36

It sounds to me, from experience that your MIL is suffering from some underlaying problem around stress/anxiety/depression. something not dissimilar happened to my my dad once. someone can to collect his car and one way and another, it ran away slightly down a hill and caused damage to the bumper. To my rational mind it was a minor issue,clearly someone else fault and the damage was minor. To him it was the last straw in a bad run of luck and took him a long time to get over. of course, in an ideal world, childs parents would have at least apologised. Keep a close eye on mil.

SoupDragon · 11/04/2015 19:43

Paying for damage caused by your child is good manners. Something that seems to be sorely lacking in many.

SoupDragon · 11/04/2015 19:45

Just read the latest update and it seems that to balance out the obnoxious twats there are really lovely people about. :)

Salmotrutta · 11/04/2015 19:49

Aw that's a lovely thing Londonrach.

to the mystery MNer!!

Butteredparsnips · 11/04/2015 19:57

Just read the thread and am really heartened by your latest update OP. Well done that Mumsnetter. Not bad for a nest if vipers!

I hope your MIL's faith in the human race is restored by this act of kindness, and that she is able to get some her confidence back. Worrying about losing independence is a fear for many older people.

mijas99 · 11/04/2015 20:30

And if the family were cycling on their way to the food bank, should they still have been made to pay for you in-laws indulgent metal box? And how would they have paid for it?

I am waiting the next thread. A blind man ran into my Bentley and caused thousands of damage, I don't think I can even dare to take it out the house again. Aibu to think the man should have at least been insured? The bastard

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 11/04/2015 20:36

This reply has been deleted

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