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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my mil being unreasonable re car damage by random child

143 replies

londonrach · 11/04/2015 07:45

My pil have bought themselves a new car. A skoda. Its their pride and joy. It gets washed weekly. My fil is in her 70s but due to limited money cant afford to buy the car outright so he got a job (which he enjoys) to pay for this car and holidays. Pension for day to day living.

We stopped at pub on way back from something (as i needed toilet) and they stayed in car in the car park whilst i popped into the toilet. On returning to the car i found my mil in floods of tears and everyone upset. Whilst i was away a young lad had cycled his bike into the car side and left a huge dent (handbars) in the side. He was cycling beside his parents. From what i understand my mil and fil jumped out of stationary car and spoke to parents and child re damage. I think my mil was in tears and very upset. The mother of this child became very aggressive as did the father. Anyway when i returned mil was in tears, fil was shaking and dh had manages to stop them driving off without me. Pil have now got to find £200 plus to get the dent removed. Parents of child refused to do anything and from what dh said it became a very aggressive situation. I told my dm about this and she just said its a just car so what and my mil was making a big fuss about nothing. My mil is very ill at the moment so our day out was meant to cheer her up.

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 11/04/2015 10:35

Does that apply to the everything, wootle? If it's an accident the person who owns the damaged item should pay for repair or replacement?

TheFairyCaravan · 11/04/2015 10:36

If excess less than £200, claim.off insurance. If not, they pay it themselves or drive a car with a minor dent.

Why should they? If your child damages something you should pay. If you went in to a shop and he knocked a £200 vase over and broke it, would you shrug your shoulders and say "that's what insurance is for?"

maddening · 11/04/2015 10:37

wootle - you really should have paid for the dent - ywbu

A - third party fire and theft insurance would not cover this.

B - why should they claim on their insurance when your son is at fault

C - it was your son's fault

miffytherabbit3 · 11/04/2015 10:42

Wonder what the attitude of the parents of the cycling child (and some of the posters on here) would have been if the situation was somewhat reversed, eg child had put
down its bike and the OP's inlaws had accidently driven over it and damaged it. Doubt they would be saying its just a bike and we will have to claim on our household insurance.

Hakluyt · 11/04/2015 10:44

" If you went in to a shop and he knocked a £200 vase over and broke it, would you shrug your shoulders and say "that's what insurance is for?"

Actually, in those circumstances I might! In someone's house, no.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/04/2015 10:56

But most shops with expensive breakables have a very clear sign up saying "All breakages must be paid for", don't they? Or has that stopped now?

IsItMeOr · 11/04/2015 11:03

I agree with Thumb's earlier post, saying that this isn't really about the car, but about how vulnerable your MIL is feeling now. You say yourself that she is very different from how she was 10 years ago. The upset is almost certainly MIL grieving for that lost persona too.

It is entirely possible for an incident like this to make somebody lose their confidence to go out into the world at all. It happens quite commonly with people as we get older, and the world can begin to seem like a more threatening place as we become weaker than we once were.

I would suggest that you try to think of ways that you/DH can help MIL to take very small steps towards getting out and about again. Bear in mind that this might need to be very gradual, and she will probably have lots of wobbles along the way. You will need lots of patience. Sounds like you are are a lovely DIL, and doing all the right things.

EmeraldThief · 11/04/2015 11:05

This is why cylists should pay some form of insurance IMO. If I drove into another car and left a dent in the side I'd be liable to pay for the damage, why the hell do cylists get away with so much? It woulnt bother me so much if they didn't have such an enormous chip on their shoulder either.

ScOffasDyke · 11/04/2015 11:10

Sounds like it's you with the enormous chip, emerald

AgathaChristie01 · 11/04/2015 11:22

Poor things, it's a horrible thing to happen. They probably got a fright, when it happened, and then it was compounded by the parents being so nasty, plus it sounds like it was done deliberately, if it was the second car it was done to.

I don't think your MIL is at all unreasonable. I'd keep trying to cheer her up gently, and encourage them to get out and about again, even for short trips to start with.

ragged · 11/04/2015 11:22

I imagine your MIL is reacting so strongly because of her illness. People can't always be reasonable when ill. The illness is the actual big problem in her life. I hope she gets better soon. Flowers

ohtheholidays · 11/04/2015 11:31

Your poor MIL and FIL.

Those parents were bloody awful,have you asked if there is CCTV where the car was parked?

And as for threatening to hurt your MIL that is beyond evil.I'd have belted her one if she'd threatened my Mother.

Find out who they are and report them to the Police.They left the scene of an accident they caused and threatened an ill older women.They should be made to pay and they should be charged!

mijas99 · 11/04/2015 13:04

Wow - you lot are off your rocker

A child has fallen so hard into a car that it has left a huge debt and yet everyone is going on about insurance and paying for the damage

The priority here is the child making sure that they are not hurt and not upset

If the car owners cannot pay to replace accidental dents and are too upset about the thought of a dent to drive their car then they shouldn't have a nice new car, however eldery they are

Children have the right to go an bicycles and even crash them, to live and learn. Cars get damaged accidentally, that is why they are insured. Same with footballs, if you don't want your motorbike accieently knocked over then pay for private parking

Parents should never get aggressive, and drivers should not priories their plastic and metal boxes over children

A bit of humanity please

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 11/04/2015 13:11

miffy if I didn't see a bicycle dropped behind my car and drove over it by accident, of course I would pay for it to be replaced - though I would hope the parents would use the opportunity to talk about safe and unsafe places to leave things. When adults break things they should replace them, to borrow a current thread title! When children break things I think there's a line to be drawn between genuine accidents, carelessness - which I would class this incident as, given the child had already bumped one car - and wilful vandalism. If it's deliberate damage, I would not expect to be out of pocket.

mariamin · 11/04/2015 13:13

Your poor MIL. Incidents like this can be the final straw if you are already struggling with ill health, as she is. And when you are vulnerable physically, someone being aggressive and threatening to get physical, can be very very scary.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 11/04/2015 13:13

mijas, it's you that's bonkers. Why should I accept kids endangering my property, which was appropriately parked in a place which had a rule against ball games, and a football field about 100 yards away?

bruffin · 11/04/2015 13:16

Mijas lf you read my post above. I was in the same position where my dd damaged a car. We took responsibity and was polite to the car owner and their car was repaired.

Hakluyt · 11/04/2015 13:16

If my child broke something that belonged to someone else, I would pay. Even if it was an accident. Just as I would pay if I broke something that belonged to someone else. Even if it was an accident.

And anyway, riding a bike in a pub car park is a daft thing to do- any damage caused could hardly be regarded as an accident.

TheFairyCaravan · 11/04/2015 13:17

Children have the right to go an bicycles and even crash them, to live and learn.

Yep, they do. But if they crash into the side of any of our cars their parents can expect to pay for the damage. Just because it was an accident doesn't mean they shouldn't pay.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 11/04/2015 13:21

Cars aren't insured so that other people can damage them, shrug and walk away. They're insured as a basic legal minumum to cover damage they do to other people and property (3rd party cover).

paxtecum · 11/04/2015 13:23

Search the internet for a dent man. They work wonders on getting dents out and are much cheaper than the garage.

wootle · 11/04/2015 13:23

Entirely agree if it's a child, and an accident, parents shouldn't be expected to pay.

I didn't pay when my DS injured himself and his bike allegedly (I never saw the damage) damaged a car. However, as I said above, when the window of our car was broken by kids playing football, we paid it ourselves. They didn't kick it at our car maliciously. Had it been deliberate, I would have taken a different view.

It does however surprise me that aside from mijas and myself, not one other poster has asked if the child was hurt. The OP said he was in tears. Quite possibly that's because he was in pain!

I have elderly relatives who drive v expensive cars. Their first concern in this situation would be to ask of the child was ok, not to worry about a piece of metal, even one worth £40k.

Original poster
londonrach · 11/04/2015 13:30

Child wasnt hurt from what i hear as only started crying when his parents started shouting at my pil. They all walked and cycled off leaving dh and then me to pick up pieces re mil. Fil is taking car to garage today to find out cost. Mil is staying at home.

OP posts:
bruffin · 11/04/2015 13:33

why do you assume the child was hurt. My dd wasnt hurt and the boy in the op sounded like he was being wobbly as he has already damaged another car.

as a parent you need to take resposobilty for your child wootle

Charlotte3333 · 11/04/2015 13:36

DS2 has one of those ridiculous quad-bike things that he was given by friends. He drove it into our neighbours car (our driveways are alongside one another) a few months ago, and we knocked on their door and immediately apologised and paid for repairs. It's part of owning children, cleaning up their messes. I'd be mortified if my kid damaged something and didn't at the very least make an offer to sort it out.

Your poor PIL, I hope the incident doesn't dent their confidence too much, it's such a shame. Any normal parent would apologise, they were clearly asshats.

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