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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that mumsnet is quite hostile about children and parents at the moment?

143 replies

Ubik1 · 10/04/2015 20:23

Perhaps it's the Easter holidays.

But bloody hell. Thread after thread of people tutting and hoiking bosoms over kids running about and screaming and behaving like...children.

I think most parents are doing their best and actually do a pretty good job.

OP posts:

HamishBamish · 11/04/2015 07:58

YABU. I'm all for children being children, but there are situations where parents need to be mindful of others. If my children are behaving in a way which is causing an issue for people around them then they I ask them to tone it down. If they don't, they are removed. In general people don't mind children having fun. They do mind when it becomes overly intrusive and their parents do sod all about it.

HoppityVoosh · 11/04/2015 08:01

Nutcracker it absolutely was not Butterfly's fault. The boy shouldn't have been running in a supermarket. I read that as the boy ran round the corner into Butterfly's basket. His own fault.

Andanotherthing123 · 11/04/2015 08:09

Some of you sound weirdly hysterical about children. Do you really go to IKEA hoping for peace and quiet?

Using the term 'little bastard' in reference to a child isn't nice. Didn't your parents teach you that name calling is naughty? A parenting fail right there.

teddybears · 11/04/2015 08:11

The problem isn't with the children, it's the parents. Some parents either can't be bothered with parenting or think their precious offspring have a right to do whatever they want, it doesnt matter who they are annoying. There are quite a few parents like this on mumsnet, see nutcracker for an example.

dillydottydally · 11/04/2015 08:12

I'm guilty of the locker thread. You will note that I didn't moan about the kids running in front of us, pushing in, screaming, temper tantrums, climbing everywhere they shouldn't etc. There were plenty of kids playing up as many kids at the zoo on a hot day will. I moaned about parents letting a group of kids repeatedly slam the locker doors in a dangerous game rather than walk 15 feet and let them play on either the masses of indoor or outdoor play equipment.

I wasn't moaning about the kids as their parents hadn't even told them the were doing wrong. I was moaning about the inconsiderate mothers who didn't give a flying fuck about pissing everyone else off. How is that hostile to kids?

Christinayangstwistedsister · 11/04/2015 08:14

Who is weirdly hysterical?

hazeyjane · 11/04/2015 08:16

I agree, there seems to be a prevalence of cat bum mouthed posters, peering over their half moon glasses at other parents. It is weird.

MargotLovedTom · 11/04/2015 08:19

Nutcracker how can you agree with Unescorted who says parents should have their children under control in public places like supermarkets, yet also harangue Butterfly because an out of control child ran round the corner into her basket while she was minding her own business shopping in the supermarket?!

No way should Butterfly have apologised. The kid should have been walking with his parent.

PeachyPants · 11/04/2015 08:22

YANBU, I haven't read the threads described here, I knew they'd probably just frustrate me, but I think lately there has been a vein of hostility and intolerance towards parents and DC running through many MN threads.

KatieKaye · 11/04/2015 08:25

Re the child being hit by the basket in the supermarket - it absolutely does not have to be the fault of the shopper.
this has happened to me as I walked around with my shopping basket and a kid came running around the corner of an aisle at full speed and ran straight into my basket. Totally his fault, not mine. Nothing I could have done to stop it or to anticipate it and react accordingly.
I don't see it as society being intolerant of children, more that individuals dislike their activities being impacted upon negatively by the fact that some parents do not parent effectively and allow their children to behave inappropriately in public places.
I've no issue at all with children playing outside, across the street from house - that is life. Balls come over the fence - the children know they can come into my garden without having to ask, as long as they make sure to shut the gate properly.
But when parents allow their children to roller skate around supermarkets, then I tell them that it is not a playground. I have mobility issues and cant just hop out of their path.

It is poor parenting to let your children do whatever they want, whenever they want with no consideration for others.

NutcrackerFairy · 11/04/2015 08:26

I agreed with Unescorted as she said she tells her children when their behaviour is inappropriate and she considers that parenting.

I agree.

I disagreed with Butterfly because she said the child who was running around the corner of a supermarket aisle was 'running riot'.

She doesn't say how old the child is but ime it is not unusual for small children to get away from their parent in a supermarket and act up on occasion.

Doesn't mean the parent tolerates it. She does say the child's parent came running when she heard the crying and so obviously wasn't completely disregarding her role.
Who's to say she wasn't actually looking for her child at the time the accident happened?

I still think Butterfly is wrong and should have apologised. I think any decent person would if they smacked a child with a basket, even accidently.

NutcrackerFairy · 11/04/2015 08:31

And again, it doesn't mean that the parent isn't parenting to have a child who runs around the corner of a supermarket aisle!

It is poor parenting to let your children do whatever they want, whenever they want with no consideration for others.

Gee, some of you must have had perfect small children who never left your side, even for a moment, never ran away, even for a moment.

And I am sure it is down to you having complete control of your children at all times in public

CrabbyTheCrabster · 11/04/2015 08:32

So if you were doing your shopping, Nutcracker, and I ran around the corner, smacked into your basket (presumably also slamming the basket into you as I did so) and then started haranguing you about it being your fault, you'd apologise would you?

MumSnotBU · 11/04/2015 08:34

Question to those who think that children should be allowed to behave how they like with no reference to the setting-

At what age does such behaviour become unacceptable? How do they become adults who know that you can't run round supermarkets screaming or on skates?Or play loud music on iPads in restaurants...

Or would we have a crash course in how to behave in public settings at around the age of 16, with theory and practical, in the style of driving lessons..?

KatieKaye · 11/04/2015 08:36

It does not matter if you think it is not unusual for small children you have observed to get away from their parents.

That has nothing to do with the fact this child was running in a supermarket and then barged into a shopper.

that's 100% the fault of the child and it is the responsibility of the parent with said child to ensure they have their child with them so they don't get into this sort of trouble, which resulted in an injury.

You have a child - you are responsible for its safety wherever you are together. End of. Other shoppers do not have to go about their business always thinking "well, a child might be running wild, so I'd better make sure I s hold my heavy basket with 10 cans of cat food at chest height just so any out of control children don't hurt themselves when they run into me."

Somebody barges into you - they are the transgressor. You don't apologise for being so inconsiderate to actually be in a shopping aisle doing your shopping and getting in the way of a child who is running around. Of course you say things like "oh dear, are you alright?" But your idea is just nuts! it's like a pedestrian crossing at a green man apologising to the car driver who has just had to do an emergency stop because they were driving too fast

NutcrackerFairy · 11/04/2015 08:38

Crabby I don't think Butterfly was harangued by the mother in her example was she?

And no, I wouldn't expect you to harangue me either.

But if a small child ran into me as I accidently swung around with my basket and was crying, yes, I would apologise and be sympathetic.

Is that so difficult to understand?

NutcrackerFairy · 11/04/2015 08:39

Fair enough, lots of you think I am wrong.

Let's agree to disagree hey.

KatieKaye · 11/04/2015 08:41

Gee, some of you must have had perfect small children who never left your side, even for a moment, never ran away, even for a moment.

Nobody said that. You are making huge jumps of logic there.

There is a huge difference between actively parenting (which includes making sure your child is safe at your side, because running away can actually result in children running into roads and getting run over) and just ignoring their inappropriate behaviour and then behaving like a right twunk when that behaviour impacts negatively on others.

A child running in a supermarket is inappropriate behaviour. It's the parent's job to teach their child this basic fact. The child runs into an adult - it is 100% the job of the parent to then apologise to the adult - after making sure their child is OK, of course.

MargotLovedTom · 11/04/2015 08:42

When mine were little, if they were playing up in the supermarket then they got strapped into the seat of the trolley (even if I only wanted a loaf of bread and a pint of milk). By the time they didn't fit into the trolley seat they were plenty old enough to understand my expectations about behaviour in busy places.

HoppityVoosh · 11/04/2015 08:43

She didn't say she swung around with her basket either ffs. She was walking minding her own business.

KatieKaye · 11/04/2015 08:43

If you do action A - swinging your basket - and hit somebody, then of course you apologise because you have caused the accident.

If someone runs into you, then they have caused the accident and they apologise.

It's not difficult to work out.

You are in a supermarket, holding a supermarket basket and a child runs into that basket. It's not your fault for having the nerve to be shopping there in the first place so that children cannot run around the aisles and have a lovely time.

Momagain1 · 11/04/2015 08:45

Gee, some of you must have had perfect small children who never left your side, even for a moment, never ran away, even for a moment.

Oh, by no means were any of my children so perfect. But if one got into the situation of the child Butterfly encountered, they would have been told off for running out of my sight, reminded that causing themselves problems like this was exactly why they musy not run/leave my sight, and made to apologise.

It would be nice if the person they apologised to could manage to model keeping their temper and a thank you for the apology. If they wanted to additionally, politely, comment that they were frightened or hurtt by my child's behavior (reinforcing my parenting) I would appreciate that too. That is how I would want my children to accept an apology, it is very helpful to see adults behaving the way I tell them too, and surprisingly uncommon.

Why on earth should the runner be owed an apology?

KatieKaye · 11/04/2015 08:46

Exactly, Margot.

MargotLovedTom · 11/04/2015 08:48

Nutcracker - Butterfly said the mother came round the corner 'giving the "What have you done to my child?" rant'. That's haranguing in my book, and I'd be bloody furious if someone tried to blame me for something that happened because they couldn't control their child properly.

Christinayangstwistedsister · 11/04/2015 08:48

Margot

Loving your name!

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