To be cheesed off with what I heard at the park?

[Glitterball86]

So took my nephew to the park today he was happily playing by himself and with the other children.

A little boy came over to him and both children were happily playing when the little boy's mum came rushing over and announced in a really loud and condescending manner 'this is Fred (name changed) he has autism and he finds it very difficult to play nicely with other children'

Was there really any need?

What does this teach other children about disabilities?

I was so shocked I wasn't able to string together a coherent sentence to describe the shock I was feeling :/

I'm guessing she's learned from experience that it's best to make that explicit from the outset? I think you're being a bit U.

sorry, I'm not clear whether she was referring to her son or your nephew here?

Was she saying to her child "don't play with him!!"??
It sounds to me more like she is used to having to apologise for her son, because of people always thinking he is naughty/misunderstanding. In whihc case I'd feel some sympathy for her and encourage the boys to play, maybe even chat to her and be friendly.

I would not see the need to post on MN about it. I hope she does not read this thread

Perhaps she was pre-mptive move on her part by telling you in case there had been an issue or likely to be an issue. Perhaps she has had problems in the past with her DS playing with other children.

I was so shocked I wasn't able to string together a coherent sentence to describe the shock I was feeling

Blimey, that's ^^ a bit OTT isn't it?

She's probably learning as she goes along, or she's learnt from experience that this is the best thing to do.

You have no idea how she's been treated in the past if her DS hasn't played nicely.

Maybe she thought "attack" was the best form of defence. I think YABU.

It's a tiny drop in an ocean of teaching that most children will have about disabilities.

sounfs like she was just trying to make it clear to you that he might struggle to play with your nephew. YABU

Doh! ' Excuse the typos

Well it sounds like Fred was managing to play nicely with another child to me!

why were you shocked the point of being incoherent though?

it wasn't a great way of dealing with it but maybe she finds it easier to be up front with people to try and avoid a major scene later on? At least she did communicate - albeit not v well.

YABU - she was trying to be helpful. why would you be cheesed off?

and yes, YABU to be "cheesed off" and "shocked"

how exactly does her choosing to explain her sons behaviour in advance affect you? surely she was just giving you the heads up to be alert to possible problems, in case you both needed to intervene?

I'd assume that other people have reacted badly to him in the past, whereas if people know from the outset, they'll be more understanding.

I don't get why you are shocked.

She was just warning you. Sensible, really. In fact she has taught your son a lesson about disability not always being immediately apparent.

I know we're all different, but the last time I was shocked to the point of being incoherent, was because I saw someone get hit by a car right in front of me.

A mother explaining her child has difficulty playing nicely, due to his autism really wouldn't make me muster up more than a "Oh I see, right".

Blimey the poor woman can't win. You're cheesed off and shocked because she told you her son was autistic. What if she hadn't told you, would you have been shocked and cheesed off that he hadn't played nicely with your nephew?

YAB sooooooo U

She was giving you a heads up, in case her son became problematic. He has obviously done so in the past, and other parents haven't been kind about it.

I would have thought she was just giving you a bit of a heads up. Maybe it works out easier for her and her son, maybe she has some experience of the best way to preempt any squabbles, playground rows.

Patents of children can't win can they?

Say nothing and get criticised for their child's behaviour. Explain and pre-empt behaviour and get criticised anyway.

I'm confused is Fed your nephew or the other boy?

I'm really .

So she said her child had autism and this stunned you into silence?

Why?

And CitySnicker - just fuck off you ignorant twerp.

Think mum had problems before so warning you. Yabu. Hope your nephew and fred continued to play well together. Id ask this to removed op in case freds mum read this. X

I have a child with autism, and while I don't usually announce it first thing, it probably would come up earlyish in conversation, possibly just after my cherub has behaved in an inappropriate manner. Otherwise I just get judged for being a rubbish mother 'who doesn't know how to control her child' - that, or else my son will be called 'spoilt' because he cries easily.
It's a minefield for parents like me.
And yes to the poster that said it's hereditary (at least in some cases), that probably means I come across as badly as my son sometimes, but what else can I do?
And I spend a long time working with my son about his autism and that's just how it is (we use ASC, autism spectrum condition, not a disorder) , it's also what makes him lovely in lots of ways too. I never want him to feel embarrassed or ashamed about his autism.