To be cheesed off with what I heard at the park?

[Glitterball86]

So took my nephew to the park today he was happily playing by himself and with the other children.

A little boy came over to him and both children were happily playing when the little boy's mum came rushing over and announced in a really loud and condescending manner 'this is Fred (name changed) he has autism and he finds it very difficult to play nicely with other children'

Was there really any need?

What does this teach other children about disabilities?

I was so shocked I wasn't able to string together a coherent sentence to describe the shock I was feeling :/

Perhaps she saw something that you didn't, what with it being her child and all.

Perhaps she's really rather good at knowing what certain actions in her child mean and are likely to lead to.

Perhaps she likes to raise awareness when ever she can.

Perhaps shes used to her child exhibiting certain symptoms and being treated with hostility.

Perhaps you need to chill out a bit and work on your issues if that shocked you into scilence perhaps it's you with the issue.

YABU...some parents just are on defense.

When my dd was first diagnosed I would have been that mum..I found it very hard to know whether to tell others or not about the diagnosis..it was obvious there were issues with my DDS behaviour and I was always on the edge of my seat ready to swoop in in case of a problem- I didn't want anyone to judge my child's behaviour or my parenting I suppose so I would try and pre-empt the problems before they occurred-i didn't want anyone to think badly of me or dd-they probably were anyway wondering why I was telling them about the autism diagnosis-now 2 years down the line from diagnosis I very rarely tell people but for those first few months I was so overly conscious of it I thought others must be too.Also I don't feel that the comment up thread about it being hereditary is very helpful-no one can understand the stress of being an autism parent until you've been in the position-it makes navigating everyday situations so much harder and sometimes you come across as a bit abrupt\wound up-stress will do that to you!

Just googled what cityslicker said as i had no idea (thought never crossed my mind) and it seems citysnicker is wrong according to dr google. Dr google suggests reason is still unknown. It wasnt a nice comment citysnicker as someone who has baby sat a young lad in my teens for his mum so she could get some shopping and have time to herself (for 1-2 hours usually).

As another parent of a child on the autistic spectrum I can understand why she did this. Now he is an adult he sometimes will tell people he has autism as he is aware his mannerisms can sometimes appear odd to others. Is that shocking too?

Yep, yabu to be cheesed off by her mentioning it. She's as protective of her dc as you are of yours. Perhaps it's a new dx and she is still finding her way to deal with it. I don't see why you should have given it a second thought let alone be 'cheesed off' with it

There is nothing wrong with what the mother said...just the way she said it.

Maybe it's the first time she's spoken to a stranger about it, and was a bit clumsy.

There's always one crazy parent in the park. If you can see one, then it's you.

Surely it would have been the easiest thing in the world to say "Fred's playing really nicely with , well done, boys"

I agree that the mother was probably pre-empting difficulty based on previous experience, but I do appreciate that by announcing it in this way, you were concerned that she may create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Shock is a bit extreme though.

Yabvvvvvu. I'm not sure what your issue is. She was trying to alert you to her son's special needs in case there were any issues in the play. It doesn't take much empathy to work that one out.

YABU.
Another parent of a child with ASD here, and yes, sometime it may have to be explained or pointed out. I admire that mother's confidence; it's difficult to have to discuss our children in such a way. I'm utterly baffled as to why you are shocked.

Citysnicker that was the most stupid, ignorant and insulting comment I have read on MN.

YANBU. She was probably acting on past experience but also creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. On a general level I'm not really sure it is the parents place to generally go around announcing the child's health or disability problems, I think it removes the choice from the child as they are growing up.

I strongly suspect that, if she hadn't warned you and there's been an incident between the children, you would be coming on here and being cheesed off, shocked and incoherent that she failed to do so.

Maybe I was a bit harsh in my original post but I just felt like she was trying to make a point that her child had a disability and should be labeled.

I am a qualified EYP but have been out of an early years setting for a while now I just don't think just because a child has a disability they should be treated any differently or labeled.

I would not have known any different if she had not said typically because her son was quite happy playing nicely with my nephew and I know sometimes children with autism can struggle socially with their peers, I did not mean to cause a controversial debate and appreciate your comments and apologise to anyone this post may have offended :)

Sometimes a child has to be treated differently because of their disability, it's the only way to get close to equality. Different isn't bad.

In this case I would wonder if the mum had had children/parents reacting badly to her son and his behaviour in the past so she was pre warning you in the hope that you would have compassion and understanding and not judge.

As pp say, the quickest way to make people unequal is to treat everyone exactly the same. Both in the what we expect (eg Rosen's recent criticism of exams) or what we provide (eg. steps suit most but we also need ramps).

SHOCKINGLY SHOCKING BEHAVIOUR IM SHOCKED

HTH

Glitterball86
I think autism is a diagnosis not a label, since I don't have autistic children I would have faith in humanity and presume the mother is doing what's best based on HER experience.
I think the key here is its HER child and HER experience, it would be great if you read up on autism and explained it to your child in a fun and happy way.

It really isn't up to you to decide how she wants to introduce her son.

Whatever she might say, whatever his needs might be.

You just need to smile.

I think if you return to an early years setting, you might find things have moved on. :)

Add message | Report | Message poster WorraLiberty Fri 10-Apr-15 15:43:00

HTH grin

I'm a man and I am SHOCKED that you would presume I'm a her, SHOCKINGLY SHOCKED and OUTRAGEOUSLY OUTRAGED! Shocking.

Hi everyone - we've had a few reports about this thread and we feel it's a good time to link to our campaign, This Is My Child, which aims to highlight many of the issues that parents of children with additional needs face.

This page here as it addresses many of the misconceptions surrounding special needs and may help answer some of the questions raised on this thread.

Thank you all.

I would guess that she was trying to be proactive, possibly as a result of past (negative) experiences.