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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be cheesed off with what I heard at the park?

126 replies

Glitterball86 · 10/04/2015 14:28

So took my nephew to the park today he was happily playing by himself and with the other children.

A little boy came over to him and both children were happily playing when the little boy's mum came rushing over and announced in a really loud and condescending manner 'this is Fred (name changed) he has autism and he finds it very difficult to play nicely with other children'

Was there really any need?

What does this teach other children about disabilities?

I was so shocked I wasn't able to string together a coherent sentence to describe the shock I was feeling :/

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 13/04/2015 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairylea · 13/04/2015 13:21

I've posted this elsewhere on the forum today but I took my ds to the park today and as I said upthread he is having assessment for autism. He is 3. At the park today there was a little girl who is the same age as him (I know her from the same messy play group we go to) and ds was following her about wanting to play. However he doesn't interact in a "normal" way - he just seems to reel off every single word and phrase he knows in a long line and keeps repeating them over and over. The little girl was getting fed up with him and I was trying to encourage him to play with other children too so he wasn't so full on (it's really difficult trying to balance his needs and the needs of other children and i'm never sure if I'm doing the right thing or whether I should just let him keep going or distract him).

Anyway after a while the little girl started to get annoyed and the mum told her to stop being so mean (she wouldn't let ds on the second slide next to her) and the little girl said "but he keeps saying funny things".

What do I do in that situation? I didn't say anything because the moment passed quickly and ds ran off somewhere else but maybe that's the time I should have explained? Or do I just not say anything?

It's really difficult. In the end the other mum said "he can say funny things if he wants". I guess sometimes that's enough of an explanation, if one is needed. Who knows.

OfaFrenchMind · 13/04/2015 13:28

YABU. It's not about what you think, or as tolerant, or knowledgeable as you think you are. It's about her, her son, and how she feels it is better to present her child, bearing in mind that she has previous experiences to remember.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 13/04/2015 13:30

I'm surprised a trained EYP shows such a shocking lack of compassion, understanding and disability awareness. I'm shocked into incoherence at how you decided that she was being condescending by warning you that her child has a diagnosed condition which would affect how he related to your nephew.

Oh, luckily I wasn't shocked into incoherence after all, must have just been me being hyperbolic.

You numpty.

x2boys · 13/04/2015 14:04

Wish there was a like button.crabby!Smile

defineme · 13/04/2015 14:16

The label is the best thing that happened to my ds and it has also helped me not be labeled as a shit parent. My ds has school provision and other things that are right for him becausd of this label. He is on a trip right now that is only possible because his carers understand his needs are very different to nt children. I very much want my ds to be treated differently to my othdr 2 children, if he was treated the same way as them he would nevdr be included in anything and probably be excluded from school.
I may have barged in at the wrong moment to tell people in the past, but compared to the excruciating times when I haven't it's not comparable.
have some compassion please.

Frusso · 13/04/2015 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/04/2015 14:27

Op you have to be in her position to understand where she is coming from. My dd has Autism, and yes I have done this, as I am worried about other parents reactions. My dd 8 used to bite other children, or be rough with them, she might ask inappropriate questions or snatch their toys away. Give her a break, she might have had some really bad experiences with other parents.

FreudiansSlipper · 13/04/2015 14:34

I would feel sorry for a parent if they were to say this to me that they felt they had to explain but I would understand why

she is obviously concerned that any behaviour will be judged (and lets face it it will be and so shall she as it already has been op ....) and that her ds behaviour will at times be different to other children of his age

young children accept other children, that they may have different needs but they will notice and this needs to be discussed not hushed up

WireCat · 13/04/2015 14:36

Op she did it as her child has been judged before.
I tell other parents about my boy as he looks like any other little boy. But once he starts to try & interact it's clear there's something different about him.
So I'm order for the other parent not to tell her child that mine is a weirdo, I tell people.

WireCat · 13/04/2015 14:47

*in order

CrabbyTheCrabster · 13/04/2015 15:41

Thanks x2boys. Smile

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/04/2015 16:27

One day whilst I was sat on the floor of a supermarket crying surrounded by dented cans of baked beans listening to the group of total strangers who had stopped to rubber neck the car crash that was my life whilst talking about my then 6yo needing a good beating. I wished I had had the foresight to wear a big shirt yelling about autism.

TheCrowFromBelow · 13/04/2015 16:59

Needasock that's awful. You poor thing.

OP my aunt used to do this with people who hadn't met my cousin before, because although he is very good at handling social situations now, there used to be many things that he couldn't deal with that he would react negatively to, and it just helped for people to know that there was reason why rather than think he was a very badly behaved child.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/04/2015 17:03

Sad needAsock did no one offer to help you Shock

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/04/2015 17:42

No aero not until after he had fallen asleep on the floor wrapped up in my coat when an elderly gentleman helped me get him in the trolley then sent his grandson to complete my shopping.

I was sat there holding him to prevent him knocking any more displays over for almost 40 minutes.

hazeyjane · 13/04/2015 18:37

Needs Flowers

It was a 'car crash' situation ( in a chi chi gift shop full of breakables!) that made me think about the cards. The group of women who had decided I was the crappest parent ever, just made it all so much worse, and ds's sisters stood there trying to help whilst they were muttering at us. I ended up shrieking at the women 'do you think that is helping!!' Like a mad, red faced banshee - this , surprisingly, did not help the situation!! I'd like to think, if it happened again I would shove a card at them, and say (calmly), 'helping would be better than staring'.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/04/2015 18:52

Oh needs how awful, that was nice of that gentleman bless him, wish more people were understanding. How is your ds now? DD had one spectacular meltdown in a shopping centre a few years ago, and I had the stares, people must have thought I was torturing her Sad. Now they are few and far between, she is older and coping better, and she goes to a fantastic Autistic school, which works on her behaviour and coping mechanisms.

Frusso · 13/04/2015 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/04/2015 20:04

Wow well done you frusso, bet that showed them.

x2boys · 13/04/2015 20:29

Hazey ,frusso needs it always Amazes me that people don't realise that my son might be disabled when jes stood there screaming I mean he's five in a few weeks and he doesn't speak you have would that that would be enough to alert people but no ! We were in hospital a few weeks ago as D's gets terribly constipated and he needed enemas , we were waiting for an abdo scan he was tired in pain and hungry and was screaming the whole thing time we there when we were finally called in some charming man said thank fuck for that I just said oh I m sorry but ds has autism and learning difficulties what's your excuse?

DontCallMeBaby · 13/04/2015 20:29

I can quite understand where Fred's mum was coming from, and when I was on the receiving end of something similar recently I found it really helpful. DD does trampolining, had moved classes, and was talking to a girl in her new class. Mum says to me 'you might want to explain to your DD that my DD has autism, in case she wonders why she doesn't reply to her'. I said 'oh, okay', was not even slightly shocked Wink, and we had a bit of a chat. Then on the way home I mentioned it to DD, we had a bit of a talk about autism, DD expressed the hope that her new friend has lots of friends at school 'because it's not her fault she's different, I welled up a bit and wondered how I had such a kind child when I'm a bit of an arse, and that was it.

(incidentally the girl in question DOES reply to DD, but given she's apparently not spoken to three of her teachers yet this year it wasn't a given)

Frusso · 13/04/2015 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/04/2015 21:37

If dd had frequent meltdows I most certainly would have the cards.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/04/2015 22:19

He's 16 now and currently my youngest with a dx (have a 3yo and a 1yo going through the process) my older children are more LF and it's not so hidden.

He's doing incredibly well now he even occasionally comes on here when there is a interesting thread about autism and it has questions he wants to answer. He is also in a specialist school as well and I can't remember the last time he had a full on smash shit up melt down,out and about we tend to use weighted therapy and things to help him isolate and shut off senses as it helps greatly.

Certain things are getting worse and more noticeable as he gets older but it's easier to read now so easier to manage.

as to other people, well a year or so ago a picture of him being gawped at by a group of bigots turned up on one of those horrid spotted pages and ended up with hundreds and hundreds of comments that were positive towards him, he was quite impressed with that. So proole are slowly learning

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