To ban DD from speaking to "racist child" who uses the N word.

[MaryNotPoppins]

DD (6) came home a few months back saying another child in the class keeps on getting into trouble (thank god) because they keep on saying the N word. They also say The P word for Asians (forgive me for abbreviating them but they make me sick to even type).

I thought perhaps it was a one off after she first made me aware but other moms have also shared stories lately of how horrified they have been after having this child over for playdates regarding their racist language. There wont be any ethnic children present for example and this child will still say "you are an N word" if they are playing if she doesn't get what she want's etc.

I have considered that perhaps it's just ignorance since she has called other white children this name however it has been widely confirmed by teachers and parents (not in a petty hearsay way) that 99% of the time this language is directed towards the ethnic children.

I try to judge for myself but I've never had her over and have never ever seen her parents, she gets dropped off by a child minder who drops off about 7 kids in her class as they all live locally.

Now -

The parents of these poor children at the end of racist abuse have told me some of the things this child has said and it's horrid. Disgusting. She tells black kids to swim back to Africa and eat only bananas for lunch and wont stop telling this poor Indian girl she stinks.

The fact that it's been going on for so long after multiple warnings from the school means it's obviously something embedded in this child from home.

I hate the notion of judging kids absolutely hate it....but this one sounds like a bad egg! I know no child is born racist or perhaps genuinely racist and that it comes from home but where so we draw the line?

My DD speaks to everyone and even if someone has previously been in trouble always gives everyone a chance....but I wan't her to keep her distance from this kid. Its a class of 20 and everyone is friends there arent friendship groups....I don't want her around this vile language or behavior.

I'm not an unrealistic smothering mother I know they have to grow up but 6 is too young to be listening to this rubbish. I hate the cringey idea of telling my DD to stay away from another persons DC it seems so high handed but I don't want her around it. I've told her to always stand up for someone who is being picked on (they are 6 so obviously "That's not nice" will suffice ) and always to tell the teacher....

AIBU to say stay away from this kid but if they ever want to be nice again then fair enough? I don't like the idea of this type of conversation with DD it's very heavy but what else can i do?

Enough with the achievements! my dd is a maths whizz too. hurrah!. I know you are also focusing on all your children's needs right now but you asked us about racist language being used by a child in your dd's class. Call ofsted and don't be fobbed off by "Oh it's a special case " bollocks from the school and the Governors

sparkysparkysparky umm.....I was responding to two other posters who seem to be obsessed with the notion of that I'm lying about my son having extra classes in half term....which is a standard at least where I'm from all the schools do it....DD being really good at maths....which isn't unheard of....kids can be you know...really smart....and DS being capable of getting a L6 which you know....isn't that achievable.....I'm more focused on DD too believe me!

* isn't that un*achiveable

Go and talk to the child yourself and tell her how it hurts people's feelings etc.

Good grief no PLEASE do not approach this child yourself that is dreadful advice! Unless the child is in your care at a playdate or party (unlikely!) or some other club you run, you have no business taking this into your own hands and telling them how to behave, and could actually get yourself into hot water.

This appears to be a bit of a witch hunt against one child now. The OP has, it would appear, no other concerns about the school at all, the teachers are dedicated - working in their holidays to achieve excellent results, and no hint of racism being a problem in the siblings' classes so school policy obviously does deal with these things well in general. Given the school obviously therefore know what they are doing why not continue to trust that they have their reasons for treating this case with kid gloves and you do not have the right to know what those reasons are.

Is shunning going to stop a 'racist' child (I'm not convinced a child that young can be racist in any meaningful sense) being racist? Or is it just going to isolate them from non-racist people and reinforce racism picked up at home, so they grow up with a persecution complex (i.e. the nonsense the BNP peddles about how white people are being 'persecuted' for being 'proud of their heritage' blah blah). A child like that surely needs kind, supportive non-racist white people in their life

PHANTOMnamechanger Please reread my OP i do NOT want a witch hunt and i dont even want to even have this convo with DD....i came on here for advice not judgment isnt that what MN is all about? I've learned a lot from some of these posts I'm very concerned with being high handed and a holier than though playground mom believe me i am! It's about a balance though....

TooManyMochas I agree me and DH have spoken about this several times but surely your child has to come before others?

Nobody thinks you are lying about your children's achievements of which you are rightly proud. It seems a little odd that the thread has been diverted into what a good school this is academically. It is failing to protect children from a constant racist diatribe in your dd's class. It needs to tackle this. I'm sure you're going to ask it again to do so. Keep strong and don't be seduced by its academic fabulousness.

Why should some of the other children continued to be called every name under the sun, your daughter is mixed and if I were you I would distance her from this sly child before she gets hurt.

Report it to SS. That's a bad parenting and they should be dealing with it.

When my son came from 99,9% white country to UK, he was slightly amazed at different "coloured" people. Once he managed to say to a staff of kids club that he don't like her hands because they're black(Indian lady with darkish skin). That was the worst feeling ever. I felt like I failed as a parent. I would never want him to grow up even slightly racist. I want him to treat everyone the best he can and equally. And if I was a mother of your described child, OP, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. So yeah, this mother doesn't care about her child, otherwise she would do something about it.

A child like that surely needs kind, supportive non-racist white people in their life"

Adults, yes. But certainly not other 6 year olds.

OP- I apologize for misunderstanding what you said about level 6 and 6 yewr olds-I didn't realise there were two children involved.

I would most definitely tell my child to avoid the child using this offensive language if I was in your position.

How long is "a few months"?

If you are talking 6/9 months then phone OFSTED. Ask them what is happening with the repeated incidents of racism at the school.

If it's 2/3 months and in that time the school have tried all the options you've mentioned then that a slightly different story because each method needs a bit of time to try and work before the situation escalates up.

And if this persists and nothing is done about it, i would move my children to a different school.

"A level 6 at primary is very different to a level 6 at secondary"

No it isn't. Common mistake. But quite a few primary kids can do level 6 maths. It's unusual but not unheard of.

Afternoon all,

We've received a number of reports about this thread.

In the interest of keeping the site a nice and friendly place to be, we're going to edit out terms that are traditionally associated with racial abuse, because to be honest we'd just rather not have to see these words.

Sorry guys a lot of posters are essentially saying the school isn't doing enough. I've said it many times but will outline again and you be the judge:

1. they sent around an email (I will blur out the school logo etc and attach it here later)

2. they sent around a letter referring to an "isolated incident" with the schools values attatached

3. they sent another letter stating that although they appreciate everyones personal views, the school as an entity wishes to uphold its values of tolerance etc and what is said at home stays at home

4. According to the parents of the victims (3 black 2 mixed and 4 asian) the school obviously cannot give out the names adresses or contact details of these people for data protection, so arranged a meeting with everyone involved....the parents never turned up....the school refused to comment on why and said "It's a sensitive case"

5. I myself asked the headmistress what was going on via email and in persoon and was told on both occasions that the incidents have all been logged, teachers are disciplining the child (she was absolutely put in isolation at one point) but because of special circumstances the procedure to exclude this child is not as straight forward as it usually would be

6. Not that 6 year olds are accurate sources the poor things but I've heard on several occasions DD and friends say the teacher is worn out so is the TA

I believe the teacher who posted on here saying she had a kid whos family supported BNP and despite all efforts the kid just wouldn't budge and be nice.

Over what period of time have they done all of those things though?

If they've done all of that since Christmas then I'd say they are pushing pretty hard for a resolution.

If this has been going on since August then it's not so good and I'd be pushing for more.

The timescale is important in judging their actions.

well tbh I have no idea why someone would send their child in for extra tuition to sit tests which will benefit ... ... the school. The child will already have been allocated their secondary place, if it's a grammar then that place will have been achieved based on an eleven-plus result from somewhere between September and November last year. My ds is a high achiever in both maths and science and believe me the sats were unimportant as far as I was concerned. There is not a chance on earth I would have been sending him back in over the holidays to do extra lessons to give the school which he wouldn't be attending the next year a good grading.

And I live in an area with some of the most elite grammars in the country (my ds doesn't attend one of those, he is at a grammar though), and although tuition for eleven plus is the norm around here holiday sats lessons most certainly are not.

So basically a whole schools worth of parents are apparently baying for a six year olds blood?

I smell bull shit.

"4) According to the parents of the victims (3 black 2 mixed and 4 asian) the school obviously cannot give out the names adresses or contact details of these people for data protection, so arranged a meeting with everyone involved....the parents never turned up....the school refused to comment on why and said "It's a sensitive case""

so the school arranged a meeting between 1, the parents of the racist child, and 2, the children who have been called racist names by said child? Tbh I'm not surprised the parents didn't show up if they were expected to face a barrage of other parents at a meeting...

WorriedAboutTooth Look this is the last time ill respond to the comments about my kids ability because it doesn't matter but yes he can he's very good at maths and isn't being over coached at all he just soaks up everything all my kids do pertaining to maths in English they are average.

If two hours of homework everyday is over coached so be it....

I say with no ego they are gifted in maths I'm not claiming they speak 16 languages play 10 different instruments and have degrees. an 11 year old can do the work of a 16 year old if they are very good at the subject. DD could count add subtract and multiply on entry of reception. It takes my kids 5 minutes to learn something in maths its weird she learned how to add fractions in the click of a finger dunno how they are just good at maths so what??

It may well be the case that this child is in care given no parents are ever seen. I've known many children in care to be dropped off by childminders as the foster families live outside the area the school is in. The school themselves have said the racist comments are being treated as a special case. Perhaps the child is being worked with on these issues? No-one knows what the child's background is and the OP is only hearing information from other parents. It's all too easy to judge a child's behaviour when nothing is known about their background.

Joyfulldeathsquad No of course not. No one is baying for her blood.....wtf?