To ban DD from speaking to "racist child" who uses the N word.

[MaryNotPoppins]

DD (6) came home a few months back saying another child in the class keeps on getting into trouble (thank god) because they keep on saying the N word. They also say The P word for Asians (forgive me for abbreviating them but they make me sick to even type).

I thought perhaps it was a one off after she first made me aware but other moms have also shared stories lately of how horrified they have been after having this child over for playdates regarding their racist language. There wont be any ethnic children present for example and this child will still say "you are an N word" if they are playing if she doesn't get what she want's etc.

I have considered that perhaps it's just ignorance since she has called other white children this name however it has been widely confirmed by teachers and parents (not in a petty hearsay way) that 99% of the time this language is directed towards the ethnic children.

I try to judge for myself but I've never had her over and have never ever seen her parents, she gets dropped off by a child minder who drops off about 7 kids in her class as they all live locally.

Now -

The parents of these poor children at the end of racist abuse have told me some of the things this child has said and it's horrid. Disgusting. She tells black kids to swim back to Africa and eat only bananas for lunch and wont stop telling this poor Indian girl she stinks.

The fact that it's been going on for so long after multiple warnings from the school means it's obviously something embedded in this child from home.

I hate the notion of judging kids absolutely hate it....but this one sounds like a bad egg! I know no child is born racist or perhaps genuinely racist and that it comes from home but where so we draw the line?

My DD speaks to everyone and even if someone has previously been in trouble always gives everyone a chance....but I wan't her to keep her distance from this kid. Its a class of 20 and everyone is friends there arent friendship groups....I don't want her around this vile language or behavior.

I'm not an unrealistic smothering mother I know they have to grow up but 6 is too young to be listening to this rubbish. I hate the cringey idea of telling my DD to stay away from another persons DC it seems so high handed but I don't want her around it. I've told her to always stand up for someone who is being picked on (they are 6 so obviously "That's not nice" will suffice ) and always to tell the teacher....

AIBU to say stay away from this kid but if they ever want to be nice again then fair enough? I don't like the idea of this type of conversation with DD it's very heavy but what else can i do?

"suspension with a view to exclusion. "

And what about the children at her next school?

Does OP work at the school, is that why she spoke to the head-master yesterday?

The school will probably end up having to exclude the child.

"But black and Asian kids subject to abuse? Meh. Sympathy yes, but a 'what can you do?'"

Oh,ffs!

Break- totally agree .
In fact that situation occurred in my dd's school and the boy was excluded.

They might not have to. Interventions and support might have an effect. Imagine

And what about the children at her next school?

I honestly don't think she can be sent to another mainstream school with that (current) behaviour, in order to protect other children.

The child may well be improving and responding to interventions, children may not have witnessed recent outbursts and they may be reducing.

We don't know,op doesn't know as none of us are there.

Exclusion isn't a given.

And now I'm getting insulting PMs from people who disagree with me on the thread. Grow the fuck up

Nice.

Hakluyt, are you suggesting that these victims be set aside for a moment while the perpetrator is dealt with? Have you no idea how of the devastating impact that this child's abusive behaviour may have had on this kids? Why should they continue to be subjected to this while this child receives help (which so far has resulted in no change in her behaviour). No, the victims plight are not secondary and should not wait to be eased once the abuser has been "changed". Victims of racial abuser cannot be asked to wait until their abuser is reprogrammed.

The plight of the victims will be bedt addressed by the school if it and society shows and communicates clearly that racism will not be tolerated and that there will be no pusdyfooting around. With your approach Hakyult, the victims would get the message that they do not matter. In their little eyes, the TLC and concerns about welfare are all focus on the abuser. A lesson they will never forget. As a society we should not be unwittingly promoting the disgraceful attitude of the past.

YY Newrule

I'm sick of pandering to people who make other people's lives shit. Especially when they are aged six. And, yes, being expected to tolerate and understand racist bile –as a life lesson, because that's what it is –stinks.

Especially when they are aged six

Have you any idea how ridiculous that sounds?

Some 6 year olds have only been out of nappies for 2 years.

The child is 6 not 16.

No bullying is right,it's all vile whether it be over race,weight,ability,appearance etc but as a society we are obliged to support kids who have had shit up breaking as it benefits all of us as well as them.

I expect you can my dear, but they'll get deleted as PAs so you thought you'd PM me instead. Well done you

Awade- don't bother trading insults.

Especially by PM. It's cowardly and I'll call it every time.

but as a society we are obliged to support kids.

Everyone is going to agree with you on that (hopefully). I just think that some kids are so disruptive they need therapeutic intervention outside of a mainstream classroom, for the sake of their peers.

That's true, Break, but it does take time in mainstream to assess so 2 terms isn't that long.

Private messaging ? Good grief!

I think posters need to step away if they are resorting to that!

I'm sure the child is but it won't be common knowledge as her personal life won't be open for all to pick over.Every Child Matters ensures all children are protected as all children do matter.Kicking the more unsavoury children to one side and removing their rights just because of a shit upbringing is legislated against.

Call me what?
As I already said in my PM you behaved like a jackass I am not scared to type your name if I'm addressing you itsallkicking and before the shitty post I had no issue with you. Buy as you don't seem to be understanding me allow to explain it for you. If I post something without using anyone's name then I am addressing everyone on the thread in general. If you feel the need to then come after me with shitty posts then that is on you and if I touched a nerve then maybe you should reflect on that rather than start trying to have a go.
Further more if you are going to try and take the moral high ground because I insulted you private after you insulted me in public then your onto a loser.

Lepetit and as a society we are obliged to protect people for day-in-day out racial abuse. Or is it that having a crappy upbringing is an excuse for abusing others and a reason for being treated oh so tenderly when you abuse others? What about the victims?

I would put racism in the same bracket as being bullied about weight, etc. To reduce racism in this way shows an awful lack of understanding of the history and lasting impacts and why it is a terrible blight on society.

Itsallkickingoff, your interjections are rather juvenile and attention I seeking but I don't agree to you being sent abusive messages if that was the case.

OP good luck and if things aren't getting better, escalate. You have a duty to protect your child. Don't sit by and wring your hands.

Rarely comment, but have been following the thread and need to back up Awadebumbo, Breakwind and others. There are some very valid contributions on the thread about how damaging racial abuse can be for these young children, often based on posters own lived experience. Its reasonable to surmise that the abusive child has some serious challenges but no one on this thread can make the call about whether the detriment to other children from constant abuse is greater or lesser than the benefit that child gets from the interventions the school are making.

Being so adamant and continually saying the route out of this is to find a solution for the abusive child (seemingly however long that takes); shooting down every solution made to protect the other children (eg. The TA). This is tantamount to saying "suck it up racially abused young children."

All the faux outrage that anyone takes a different view is wearing thin. You don't have a trump card here. You have one view, others including me, don't agree with you.

OP YANBU