To ban DD from speaking to "racist child" who uses the N word.

[MaryNotPoppins]

DD (6) came home a few months back saying another child in the class keeps on getting into trouble (thank god) because they keep on saying the N word. They also say The P word for Asians (forgive me for abbreviating them but they make me sick to even type).

I thought perhaps it was a one off after she first made me aware but other moms have also shared stories lately of how horrified they have been after having this child over for playdates regarding their racist language. There wont be any ethnic children present for example and this child will still say "you are an N word" if they are playing if she doesn't get what she want's etc.

I have considered that perhaps it's just ignorance since she has called other white children this name however it has been widely confirmed by teachers and parents (not in a petty hearsay way) that 99% of the time this language is directed towards the ethnic children.

I try to judge for myself but I've never had her over and have never ever seen her parents, she gets dropped off by a child minder who drops off about 7 kids in her class as they all live locally.

Now -

The parents of these poor children at the end of racist abuse have told me some of the things this child has said and it's horrid. Disgusting. She tells black kids to swim back to Africa and eat only bananas for lunch and wont stop telling this poor Indian girl she stinks.

The fact that it's been going on for so long after multiple warnings from the school means it's obviously something embedded in this child from home.

I hate the notion of judging kids absolutely hate it....but this one sounds like a bad egg! I know no child is born racist or perhaps genuinely racist and that it comes from home but where so we draw the line?

My DD speaks to everyone and even if someone has previously been in trouble always gives everyone a chance....but I wan't her to keep her distance from this kid. Its a class of 20 and everyone is friends there arent friendship groups....I don't want her around this vile language or behavior.

I'm not an unrealistic smothering mother I know they have to grow up but 6 is too young to be listening to this rubbish. I hate the cringey idea of telling my DD to stay away from another persons DC it seems so high handed but I don't want her around it. I've told her to always stand up for someone who is being picked on (they are 6 so obviously "That's not nice" will suffice ) and always to tell the teacher....

AIBU to say stay away from this kid but if they ever want to be nice again then fair enough? I don't like the idea of this type of conversation with DD it's very heavy but what else can i do?

No, Hak, I don't think excluded means vaporised because I don't hold the despicable views that this child has learned from somewhere.
I have suggested that this child have a specific dedicated classroom assistant if exclusion is not an option

Well, that's an improvement on wanting them whizzed away to a special school for children with mental health problems.

So a grand a month.

Said money will be taken from children with SEN.You can't have TAs for every disruptive child with anti social behaviour.

Thanks,kicking, for assuming I have no knowledge of mental health and that I want to put children in ghettos.

"I have suggested that this child have a specific dedicated classroom assistant if exclusion is not an option"

Paid for by whom? For all day every day? How would you explain that to people whose children have additional needs and who are battling for a few hours of one to one a week?

So what should be done for the kids called P and n** while in loco parentis?

Any child who says these things and is unable to process repeated warnings that they are unacceptable has mental health problems. My view on what should happen here has been stated repeatedly. no child should be subjected to the appalling stuff this child is spouting. It either understands and means it or it is parroting bs from home and doesn't understand it. I don't care. It is not acceptable in any environment and no child in that school should have put up with it. At 6 a child should understand it can hurt others by what it says.

Your words earlier, sparky.

It would be great if some posters actually READ posts before actually responding to them.

Gosh, wouldn't it just, areyou!

Surely , the child could be regarded as requiring 'additional' help.

As it stands, the school is not dealing with this well and the solution absolutely cannot rest with the victims. Why should they put up and shut up? Why should the victims' parents figure out what the solution should be?

What is a fact here is that nobody should put up with racist abuse day-in-day-out. The solution cannot be let the kid continue and she will grow out of it. What happens to the victims in the meantime and the last psychological damage this abuse can cause? They are 6 year olds too or are they of lesser importance than this precious girl?

Bet the school haven't thought of that, areyou. They can blow the dust off one of those spare TAs they have hanging around. The fully qualified in BESD strategies one they have kicking about in a cupboard doing sweet FA most of the time.

So what should be done for the kids called P and n while in loco parentis?

Anyone??

"As it stands, the school is not dealing with this well and the solution absolutely cannot rest with the victims. Why should they put up and shut up? Why should the victims' parents figure out what the solution should be?"

They shouldn't.

Itsallkickingoff, all this attention I seeking is so yesterday. Grow up and stop this sarcastic nonsense. What is your proposed solution and how do you factor in the needs and wellbeing of several 6 year old victims or do they not matter to you?

OP- you haven't answered my question about whether the girl exhibits any other unkind or bad behaviour?

also, you say some of the schoolgates mum's have had this child over to play, so what have they said bout her home life.They must have at least talked to her parents to arrange the playdate?

Good luck with that, LondonRocks.

I've been waiting ages for answers to my 2 questions.

1. Where will the child go?

2. Are other forms of unwanted behaviour and disruption in class seen as instances where other parents want the child booted out after 2 terms or sooner?

Londonrocks itsallkickingoff has the answer. Let's wait.

Agree Newrule.

Hakluyt - suspension with a view to exclusion. Nothing's worked so far, has it? Meantime the victims have to put up with this racist abusive language, very likely within earshot of other children. They must feel like absolute crap. Suspension/exclusion might make the parents pull their finger out and address the nastiness child is displaying at school. Perhaps then the recipients of it might feel a little reassured.

*Julykit" no its not a given if it isn't expressed. & no - I wasn't wondering.

My view remains the same - too many want to tell the victims of racism how they should feel and react to it, and to minimise the actions of the perpetrator. Yes its a child but that child has parents, and is also amongst children who are being subjected to this; suspension initially seems pretty suitable to me as opposed to 100 excuses why its not fair

Itsallkickingoff, you are more concerned about this little girl that her victims? She matters more than them to you. Why?

Let's say she must stay and given that whatever the school has tried so far had failed to halt the abuse, what about the victims?

My solution, Newrule, is to let the school do what the school needs to do. Sorry if it bugs you that schools have to abide by legislation wrt to racist incidents, vulnerable children, confidentiality and exclusion but that's just the way it is.

Not engaging with you if you're just going to spin fantasy out of my posts, Newrule. It's immensely boring when people do that

Can we take it as read that we are all concerned about the children who have been racially abused, and of course they need support and care- why would anyone think otherwise? But that abuse will only stop when a solution has been found for the perpetrator. And nobody seems able to come up with one.

I'm completely with Awadebumbo on this.

A couple of posters have compared this with sexualised behaviour. I would bet my wages that if a disturbed child was continually groping and sexually touching fellow pupils, there wouldn't be a single poster who thought that child should be kept in the same class as the victims, however traumatised that child was, however terrible the home life, however young she was, however sympathetic to her plight posters were. There wouldn't be advice to explain to our 6 year olds why they were being touched up, and why they had to stand up for themselves, and why they had to show understanding while the teachers sorted out the problem.

But black and Asian kids subject to abuse? Meh. Sympathy yes, but a 'what can you do?' attitude.