To ban DD from speaking to "racist child" who uses the N word.

[MaryNotPoppins]

DD (6) came home a few months back saying another child in the class keeps on getting into trouble (thank god) because they keep on saying the N word. They also say The P word for Asians (forgive me for abbreviating them but they make me sick to even type).

I thought perhaps it was a one off after she first made me aware but other moms have also shared stories lately of how horrified they have been after having this child over for playdates regarding their racist language. There wont be any ethnic children present for example and this child will still say "you are an N word" if they are playing if she doesn't get what she want's etc.

I have considered that perhaps it's just ignorance since she has called other white children this name however it has been widely confirmed by teachers and parents (not in a petty hearsay way) that 99% of the time this language is directed towards the ethnic children.

I try to judge for myself but I've never had her over and have never ever seen her parents, she gets dropped off by a child minder who drops off about 7 kids in her class as they all live locally.

Now -

The parents of these poor children at the end of racist abuse have told me some of the things this child has said and it's horrid. Disgusting. She tells black kids to swim back to Africa and eat only bananas for lunch and wont stop telling this poor Indian girl she stinks.

The fact that it's been going on for so long after multiple warnings from the school means it's obviously something embedded in this child from home.

I hate the notion of judging kids absolutely hate it....but this one sounds like a bad egg! I know no child is born racist or perhaps genuinely racist and that it comes from home but where so we draw the line?

My DD speaks to everyone and even if someone has previously been in trouble always gives everyone a chance....but I wan't her to keep her distance from this kid. Its a class of 20 and everyone is friends there arent friendship groups....I don't want her around this vile language or behavior.

I'm not an unrealistic smothering mother I know they have to grow up but 6 is too young to be listening to this rubbish. I hate the cringey idea of telling my DD to stay away from another persons DC it seems so high handed but I don't want her around it. I've told her to always stand up for someone who is being picked on (they are 6 so obviously "That's not nice" will suffice ) and always to tell the teacher....

AIBU to say stay away from this kid but if they ever want to be nice again then fair enough? I don't like the idea of this type of conversation with DD it's very heavy but what else can i do?

"Hakluyt, you are funny confused. Your concept of racism and racist is not one I recognise. By the way, simply inserting the word black for white shows you know very little about the meaning of racism. As for not understanding the concept of white privilege, again ... You must live a sheltered life and probably give very little thought to the plight of those who do not share your social or physical characteristics."

I think you might either be misreading my posts or mistaking me for someone else.

Legal, I doubt the head is telling the parents even the OP that much. If they are (and I do wonder if it is true given the way this thread is unfolding) then they are being wholly unprofessional.

I honestly don't think the OP knows as much as she thinks she knows about what the school is doing.

Why do discussions about the existence of racism enrage some people? It is not about you personally unless you actively put guilt upon yourself.

Why are we able to acknowledge sexism but racism? No! What's that? Isn't it a chip on someone's shoulder? Nah racism does not exist or if it does only rarely and in extreme circumstances where there must be a good reason.

I have said repeatedly over the life of this thread this child should be excluded because of its effect on other children. My posts have repeatedly focused on the other children and not on this child. I'd like to believe that no child is beyond help but the other children's needs have to come first.

You seem to be responding to posts that don't actually exist, Newrule. You might want to keep an eye on that.

So all behaviours that impact on other children in KS1 should result in the perpetrator being removed from mainstream immediately, sparky?

Newrule Don't even get me started.
It's sad because I didn't even want to mention mine or DD's race in the OP for this very reason. I also didn't mention it because I wanted to focus on that racism is wrong....and that everyone should be upset by it. There are too many people who think it is "our problem" or "all in our heads" or "in the past" or that "we do not do ourselves any favors"
Being of color and speaking about racism is so hard without being accused of playing victim, exaggerating or even lying (as a few posters have claimed)
Many posters were ignoring the innocent victims of the abuse but soon enough woke up (and reported) me shoving some coffee under their noses and actually typing the words that were being thrown about. Apparently me typing it was "racist"....but them glossing over it and ignoring innocent child was what?
I suppose some people don't mind seeing it in the cinema...or on a Black History Month poster at the bus stop...but in real life? Racism? Nooooooo. How dare you get called The N word all your life from nursery then type it on MN. Can't you be civilized like us?
Bullshit.

Aaaand, a quick Namechange OP?

Oddness.

I am confused. Are you saying that suggesting a 6 year old child repeatedly using racist language, and refusing to stop is likely to have a very challenging background is inherently racist? Is it racist to think that it would be good to get to the bottom of it and stop it?

Bit of spectacular sockpuppetry self-outing there.

I'm not picking apart the OP because racism makes me feel uncomfortable.
I am genuinely surprised.

OP, are you lying as bigbertha thinks?
Or did the head tell you that the school is in the process of expelling this child because this is a special case?
Or have I misremembered what you said upthread. :)

I'm worried that the school fraternity are responding with a "ah no schools wouldn't do that therefore OP must be lying" approach. But schools get things wrong, especially when there is high pressure on them over a sustained period of time.

Newrule You are not crazy and I see what you see in some posts. That underlying "You're being so dramatic/ You don't matter/ Stop going on about it" rhetoric in the form of "but white people were slaves too" or "Who calls black people monkeys" or "why is the OP ranting (because all black women are load ranting monsters)" or "you're lying....what child could possibly say these things"

I see it, it's there, it's not in my imagination is very subtle and some people do not even know what they are doing they don't even know that they are casting away someones pain...or devaluing it because they just want it to go away. What they don't understand is that insinuating that black people are dramatic liars etc doesn't make it go away. Confronting it and making it everyones problem, everyones issue is what will right racism. Not seeing it as an "annoying black thing"

And please don't bombard me with "who said that" comments you don't have to say it - some posts reek of white privilege. The priorities of some peoples posts says a lot. Peoples priorities say a lot about them in general.

Indeed

OP, it does help if you try and argue your point on your own

No, kicking. The school has tried to manage this in house It has failed. In a few years time when this child reaches the age of criminal responsibility, what it's saying would constitute a criminal offence. The other children can no longer be part of this child's therapy ( if they ever should have been ). The child must be removed /excluded

I had to change my name....friends on MN

"Newrule You are not crazy and I see what you see in some posts. That underlying "You're being so dramatic/ You don't matter/ Stop going on about it" rhetoric in the form of "but white people were slaves too" or "Who calls black people monkeys" or "why is the OP ranting (because all black women are load ranting monsters)" or "you're lying....what child could possibly say these things""

Can I ask why you are failing to acknowledge the many posters, myself included, who said nothing of the sort, and, in fact, also challenged the deniers?

ItsAllKickingOffPru ????? It's not that deep really...

Yeah, right!

Hakluyt I've already said it's only some posters and I do appreciate the people who have picked up on it too!

Right. Because I have to say I have been pretty pissed off by the scattergun posting- and I bet I am not alone.

Being told that I would be r acting differentky if the child saying vile things was black seriously outrqged me.

"1) Yesterday The HM was in and I asked her what was being done about this ongoing problem because despite their efforts (alleged or genuine) all children deserve protection and nurturing and not just one! She then said they have been taking the correct steps to permanently exclude since feb but again....."It's a sensitive case"

I'm really not sure how or why the OP would make this up.

Has the op changed name?

Ok, thanks, sparky. Now I understand.

All children who exhibit behaviours that upset, hurt or distress others, for whatever underlying reason, should be removed from mainstream education and sent to special schools that deal with mental health problems. The situation in the mainstream school should not continue longer than 2 terms.

Gotcha