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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ban DD from speaking to "racist child" who uses the N word.

731 replies

MaryNotPoppins · 09/04/2015 11:24

DD (6) came home a few months back saying another child in the class keeps on getting into trouble (thank god) because they keep on saying the N word. They also say The P word for Asians (forgive me for abbreviating them but they make me sick to even type).

I thought perhaps it was a one off after she first made me aware but other moms have also shared stories lately of how horrified they have been after having this child over for playdates regarding their racist language. There wont be any ethnic children present for example and this child will still say "you are an N word" if they are playing if she doesn't get what she want's etc.

I have considered that perhaps it's just ignorance since she has called other white children this name however it has been widely confirmed by teachers and parents (not in a petty hearsay way) that 99% of the time this language is directed towards the ethnic children.

I try to judge for myself but I've never had her over and have never ever seen her parents, she gets dropped off by a child minder who drops off about 7 kids in her class as they all live locally.

Now -

The parents of these poor children at the end of racist abuse have told me some of the things this child has said and it's horrid. Disgusting. She tells black kids to swim back to Africa and eat only bananas for lunch and wont stop telling this poor Indian girl she stinks.

The fact that it's been going on for so long after multiple warnings from the school means it's obviously something embedded in this child from home.

I hate the notion of judging kids absolutely hate it....but this one sounds like a bad egg! I know no child is born racist or perhaps genuinely racist and that it comes from home but where so we draw the line?

My DD speaks to everyone and even if someone has previously been in trouble always gives everyone a chance....but I wan't her to keep her distance from this kid. Its a class of 20 and everyone is friends there arent friendship groups....I don't want her around this vile language or behavior.

I'm not an unrealistic smothering mother I know they have to grow up but 6 is too young to be listening to this rubbish. I hate the cringey idea of telling my DD to stay away from another persons DC it seems so high handed but I don't want her around it. I've told her to always stand up for someone who is being picked on (they are 6 so obviously "That's not nice" will suffice ) and always to tell the teacher....

AIBU to say stay away from this kid but if they ever want to be nice again then fair enough? I don't like the idea of this type of conversation with DD it's very heavy but what else can i do?

OP posts:
WellAnnoyed · 10/04/2015 12:40

Yes let's segregate racism from slave ships now under the guise of different subjects.

Pain suffered by a number of non-white children is acceptable because the racist child with a horrible background is white. Had it been a black child from a terrible background, saying awful things to white children, the posters on here would not have given his background a fraction of the concern that is being given to the white child. Of course, that is because a white child by default is to be showered with concern and consideration whereas if it is a black child, he will pay the price and be punished for his behaviour no matter how terrible his family life is. His accountability seems to be much much higher.

Typical White privelege in action.

DoraGora · 10/04/2015 12:40

It all does seem a bit odd. I don't know anything about yesterday's thread. But, it is peculiar.

Original poster
MaryNotPoppins · 10/04/2015 12:41

sugar21 of course you do not racism does not exist and all children have perfect backgrounds with perfect parents. I was called the N word in nursery.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryNotPoppins · 10/04/2015 12:42

WannaBe Please get over yourself the OP is about DD what do you want me to bloody do post 4 pages of every single incident which has gone down since September? Be practical love!

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 10/04/2015 12:42

A 6 year old talking about slave ships and lynching? Of course this child is a victim! The children she abuses are obviously victims too- it's a hideous situation.

Oh, and references to slave ships in the context of of telling people to go back on the is pretty bloody racist in my book!!

Hakluyt · 10/04/2015 12:44

"Had it been a black child from a terrible background, saying awful things to white children, the posters on here would not have given his background a fraction of the concern that is being given to the white child"

Bullshit.

Original poster
MaryNotPoppins · 10/04/2015 12:45

DoraGora Of course its odd and a lie because it's about racism towards black people and words like N do not exist we just made it up because we like to play victim! White people love us sososososo much and have bent over backwards to accept us employ us and respect us ....oh and as for the police...they just L.O.V.E young black men right? Its all love joy and respect and the notion of a child growing up in a nasty racist household is just fiction....ITS ALLLLLL FICTION RACISM DOES NOT EXIST EVERYONE HURRRAAAAHHHH

OP posts:
Legalconfidence · 10/04/2015 12:48

"I'm not going to let people who have not read the thread etc wind me up with you need to badger the school more call ofsted etc etc because the school has been very clear they are dealing with it quietly and have to tread carefully for whatever reason."

School are not dealing with it though are they?
I would like to ask some people who have read the thread and who work in education if they agree that your course here is to follow up in writing.
Hakylut? Sparky?

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 10/04/2015 12:49

Legalconfidence, the school are moving towards exclusion. They will not be doing this without having logged every incident, alerted the LEA, taken advice from specialists and advisors. The Governing Body will be aware as the SLT are required to notify them of racist incidents.
There is nothing to be gained from the OP reiterating what has happened before. Her concerns will have been logged along with all the others. I doubt OFSTED would find anything out of the ordinary about the way the school has handled the situation. Exclusions are not quick and easy fixes (thank goodness).

I wouldn't give a black child the same consideration, WellAnnoyed? Utter bollocks.

Feenie · 10/04/2015 12:49

Had it been a black child from a terrible background, saying awful things to white children, the posters on here would not have given his background a fraction of the concern that is being given to the white child

Total, total bullshit.

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 10/04/2015 12:51

My DC had certainly studied the Transatlantic Slave Trade though not in graphic detail by age 6. DD did it in Reception, which I was a bit Hmm about.

Original poster
MaryNotPoppins · 10/04/2015 12:53

For those who racism makes feel them uncomfortable because they believe that black people especially are the scum of society who just like to wear hoodies smoke weed go to prison and play victim......

I did not make up this damn post and your lack of knowledge of how racist people and yes bloody kids can be is shocking.

This is why there is so much resentment in the community. I'm telling you the disgusting things my DD and other children have to endure and you just want to pick apart the post and my comments and make me out to be a liar because god forbid there are vile people out there that use this lanaguage.

Shame on you all.

I cannot write a bloody 300000 word essay on whats happened!!!!!!!

I cannot write every single damn thing this kid has said the fact that she uses the words she uses should be enough!!

Be practical and use your common sense.

If it was a white child that was the victim every last person who has said they do not believe this post would be saying

  1. It's sad but white people are always victims but no one cares
  2. Black people secretly hate us trust me I believe you
  3. Black people just cannot get over slavery they need to move forward....

On and on and on and on and on and on it would go!

But a little mixed DC has to hear filth in school and it's made up because GOD FORBID A WHITE PERSON BE RACIST THOSE DAYS ARE OVER!

Bye.

OP posts:
rebelfor · 10/04/2015 12:54

Typical White privelege in action

How are statements like that ^ not racist??

Legalconfidence · 10/04/2015 12:54

Interesting Pru.

Would you at least agree the op Has nothing to lose by following up as her child is not currently being kept safe?

The OP has no control over the exclusion process and no voice. She does however have a voice with regard to her own child.

Tgink about the file with the name of the OP's child on it as it were.

I know what I would do.

rebelfor · 10/04/2015 12:55

For those who racism makes feel them uncomfortable because they believe that black people especially are the scum of society who just like to wear hoodies smoke weed go to prison and play victim......

Not one poster has implied that. Biscuit

SunnyBaudelaire · 10/04/2015 12:57

"For those who racism makes feel them uncomfortable because they believe that black people especially are the scum of society who just like to wear hoodies smoke weed go to prison and play victim......"

You are the only person who has said this.

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 10/04/2015 12:58

Erm, you said white children have to hear it too Hmm No one is saying it doesn't matter. They are saying:

1)The finer details about what's being done by the school are none of your business

  1. Such extreme and graphic racist insults have something in the background that is influencing them

  2. The problem isn't going to go away, it's just going to be moved to another school. Which is also likely to be in your community.

Legalconfidence · 10/04/2015 12:59

I cannot write a bloody 300000 word essay on whats happened!!!!!!!

Ok. I understand. What you can do though is write down anything your child spontaneously tells you and immediately send that to the head with a request to keep your child safe.

Ginmartini · 10/04/2015 13:00

Why are there so many mad, ranting, unreasonable OPs around at the moment?

ItsAllkickingoffPru spot on

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 10/04/2015 13:02

If you don't feel your child is safe at school there is a course of action, Legalconfidence and that's to remove them. I'm not suggesting that OP does this, but if any parent feels they have to resort to that then that's their right to do so. I have seen parents do this btw. It didn't make the behaviour stop and it didn't make the exclusion process any faster.
Schools have a duty to all their pupils. They don't get to shortcut the steps that need to be taken.

swiggityswoogity · 10/04/2015 13:03

so anyone else think this is such an absurd caricature it might not be true....

Legalconfidence · 10/04/2015 13:03

Op I am going to leave the thread.

Your child has a right to be kept safe.

If you believe she is safe, do nothing.

If she is not safe at school (and from what you say I think she may not be) you have a duty as a mother to demand that the school protect her.

Their "process" is not your problem.

That the child is a victim is not your problem.

Escalating this will not hurt the other child.

Good luck.

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 10/04/2015 13:07

Unfortunately, swiggity, I've seen too many examples of extreme behaviour in primary schools to discount it as fiction Sad

sparkysparkysparky · 10/04/2015 13:21

This child has mental health problems and should be taken outside a standard school environment.

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 10/04/2015 13:23

Is that all children with MH problems, sparky? Or just this one you've diagnosed over the interwebs?

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