To ban DD from speaking to "racist child" who uses the N word.

[MaryNotPoppins]

DD (6) came home a few months back saying another child in the class keeps on getting into trouble (thank god) because they keep on saying the N word. They also say The P word for Asians (forgive me for abbreviating them but they make me sick to even type).

I thought perhaps it was a one off after she first made me aware but other moms have also shared stories lately of how horrified they have been after having this child over for playdates regarding their racist language. There wont be any ethnic children present for example and this child will still say "you are an N word" if they are playing if she doesn't get what she want's etc.

I have considered that perhaps it's just ignorance since she has called other white children this name however it has been widely confirmed by teachers and parents (not in a petty hearsay way) that 99% of the time this language is directed towards the ethnic children.

I try to judge for myself but I've never had her over and have never ever seen her parents, she gets dropped off by a child minder who drops off about 7 kids in her class as they all live locally.

Now -

The parents of these poor children at the end of racist abuse have told me some of the things this child has said and it's horrid. Disgusting. She tells black kids to swim back to Africa and eat only bananas for lunch and wont stop telling this poor Indian girl she stinks.

The fact that it's been going on for so long after multiple warnings from the school means it's obviously something embedded in this child from home.

I hate the notion of judging kids absolutely hate it....but this one sounds like a bad egg! I know no child is born racist or perhaps genuinely racist and that it comes from home but where so we draw the line?

My DD speaks to everyone and even if someone has previously been in trouble always gives everyone a chance....but I wan't her to keep her distance from this kid. Its a class of 20 and everyone is friends there arent friendship groups....I don't want her around this vile language or behavior.

I'm not an unrealistic smothering mother I know they have to grow up but 6 is too young to be listening to this rubbish. I hate the cringey idea of telling my DD to stay away from another persons DC it seems so high handed but I don't want her around it. I've told her to always stand up for someone who is being picked on (they are 6 so obviously "That's not nice" will suffice ) and always to tell the teacher....

AIBU to say stay away from this kid but if they ever want to be nice again then fair enough? I don't like the idea of this type of conversation with DD it's very heavy but what else can i do?

MaryNotPoppins And FFS it's not racist to type the words you've been called your entire life.... I started saying P and N and yet still people were glossing over it as though i was saying Penguin and Nanny SO I THOUGHT I'D REMIND PEOPLE OF HOW VILE THIS WORDS ARE BY SAYING THEM!

Stop trying to make me out to be a liar etc its offensive for the 100th time i said very early on before people(i wonder what color they were ) were complaining about the very words they had behaved were little playground jibes.

Funny how uncomfortable it makes you when you have to read it in black and white....hmmm? I suppose its much easier to pretend racism doesnt exist and that people just wake up one morning at 18 years old and become racist bastards....god forbid they believed these things when they were younger...

That was for Wannabe

Specific horror is a little strange:

how millions and millions and millions of her forefathers were taken to america and the carribean covered in their urine shit and vomit and period blood in chains for the greed of others

So true, but do we also explain how Joseph Mengele injected cement into Jewish children's arms to see what would happen, or how following times of famine, archaeologists have discovered children's bones with butchery and teeth marks on them? There isn't anything especially horrid about the Transatlantic slave trade which isn't true of lots of other events.

"I do not want to tell her what lynching is thanks....which is what this kid has said the black kids will get when they get older.

I do not want to tell her why black people are associated with monkeys ...at this age

I do not want to tell her what a slave ship is (which is another comment this child likes to make ... that black kids need to "get back on their slave ship").....and how millions and millions and millions of her forefathers were taken to america and the carribean covered in their urine shit and vomit and period blood in chains for the greed of others.

We shall have that chat but not anytime soon. I'm not having a go but racism runs deeper than saying nasty words. Well - for some of us it does."

Of course you don't, it would bewilder and perhaps harm her to be given information she cannot yet process. and for that reason the school has duty to protect your child.

OP how much have you put in writing? I think it is perfectly appropriate to write to the school recording what your child has told you. They are floundering. Giving them facts is about the one positive thing you can do for both kids.

MNHQ decided they didn't want the words up, OP. No one was glossing over them.

Littlebairn:

"3 conversations about a child that isn't your own is excessive."

The OP can attempt to start a conversation about any child she likes. It is the head teacher who is in the wrong to engage in that conversation rather than shutting it down.

DoraGora I've read your other posts and don't have time for "black people always complain that racism is all about them" people like you. Sorry. Bye.

ItsAllKickingOffPru No MNHQ send me an email saying they took it down because people were complaining actually.

black people are not associated with monkeys

where is that coming from? If you told her that they were, then you would be giving her false and stupid information, unless you were explaining Darwin's theories.

Legalconfidence That post was for someone who was questioning why I did not want to speak about racism (in the context of her black heratige)....I was pointing out that I am happy to....but not in the depths which they go into.

"DoraGora I've read your other posts and don't have time for "black people always complain that racism is all about them" people like you. Sorry. Bye."

That was not what doragora said at all, as I understood it.
I see you ignored my posts about racism towards white groups, and white slavery.

Apart from all that, I really do think you need to email the school with your worries.

Yes, hence 'MNHQ decided they didn't want the words up' OP

You yourself said those words make you feel sick to write. Perfectly understandable then that others agreed and contacted MNHQ.

Yes Marynotpoppins that was clear.

What have you put in writing?

SunnyBaudelaire We cant speak about everything can we? Why is it dear God that when black people / Asian/ other people of colour suffer from racism some white people are so bloody quick to speak about their own woes. It's not a bloody competition and it comes across as though you are trying to undervalue another communities pain!

SunnyB has her own experience of racism in a school, OP. She's a right to post about it on a thread about racism in a school

Incidentally, the way to explain racism to a child is to explain that some people (regardless of age) say and do horrible things. Trying to analyse the horrible things themselves is silly. Horrible things and horrible words are plain enough and the motive for them is plain enough, too. There's no need to attempt the swimming between continents in order to demonstrate to a child that it can't be done. There are nice, pleasant people and horrible ones. And, that's about it.

SunnyBaudelaire of course the OP is about a child who hates people of color white slavery is horrid the holocaust is horrid its all horrid all of it everyones woes are horrid the Armenian genoside by the turks horrid!!

But I was speaking in the context of my mixed child asking questions about terms used specifically for black people - i'm not going to go off on a random tangent about white slavery when no one is speaking about that

When she is old enough we will speak about racism on a whole

so, a six year old child is telling other children that they are monkeys, need to get back on their slave ships, need to eat bananas for lunch etc. all in context, well, sometimes, and sometimes not.

I would question what is going on in this child's life yes, because for such behavior to be so ingrained at six there has been some massive influence there that is not normal. this goes way beyond the realms of just the hurling of a few indiscriminate words.

And as someone who grew up in South Africa I never witnessed this kind of behavior among young white children even those whose parents were signed up members of the most imfamous pro apartheid parties... All the children played together on the farms, grew up together, yes went to school separately but those who e.g. lived in the farming communities often grew up with the children of the farm workers, it was only as they matured that changes became more evident...

oh for God's sake Mary, no I am not doing that.
I told you , get on to the school as it is not acceptable, and they will be bound to take it seriously.
Unlike racism towards white groups which is dismissed as banter. Round here anyway.

DoraGora I disagree racism is deep rooted hurtful and not to be skimmed over in the context of just "horrible people being horrid" sorry but thank you

SunnyBaudelaire I have we all have and please read the thread I've posted many times about the schools reactions they have even put this kid in isolation and they are in the process of excluding her since earlier on this year. What more can i do? I'm more focused on DD to be honest!

You can butt out and let the school do their job.

wannaBe I've been very careful to steer clear about speculating about this kids parents and her upbringing on this thread because thats dangerous ground....But that's a very very very good point WannaBe I agree!

Yes, stay focussed on DD.

Please remind us - what have you said in writing? Anything?

Absolutely appalling comments from DoraGora. To undermine the horror of slavery by giving examples of 'specific horror'. Well done Gora, typical minimising strategy.