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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that at least one of the parents should work

293 replies

Adizzylass2014 · 08/04/2015 23:04

My 16 yr old son is friends with a family who have just moved into the close next to ours and we were invited round for coffee. My partner left as he was fuming and I stayed for the sake of my son but I was seething. They are a family of 8 and the mum is pregnant again, they were so brazen and gloated that their 4 bedroom house is paid for by housing benefit (we have the same in the next close and the rent is £800 pcm)
He has never worked and hasn't long been released from prison. The children had all the gadgets from ipad to ps4. She said she has never worked either as she loves to be pregnant and plans on having more. Now you will have seen from previous threads I don't benefit bash but this is disgusting how can this be allowed. My son has been invited by them to go fishing on their boat, i don't want him anywhere near them. my partner works damn hard to pay the rent and our band f council tax and these people not only get everything given to them but they openly gloat about it. This is what is wrong with this bloody world Angry Angry

OP posts:
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7
dragdownthemoon · 09/04/2015 09:32

Do people really care about this stuff? I used to live in an ex council flat, we paid a mortgage, both worked. My neighbours were still council tenants, three kids (in a 2 bed flat) and neither worked. You know what we had? Choices. We had our first child and moved house. My neighbour said to me, how on earth did you get "them" to move you with only one kid? She didn't realise we weren't counci tenants. She was desperate to move but her husband couldn't find work, she had three kids (one with SEN). On the surface, they sat about in their dressing gowns all day while my husband and I both worked to live in exactly the same property. I loved that flat and we worked hard for it. But it wouldn't have occurred to me to feel envious, or irritated by, or disgusted by my neighbours. They were different people,with a different life to us, one i wouldn't have wanted.

I really can't find it in me to spend time worrying, or raging abut how others live their lives, as long as they are not hurting anyone. Love and let live. Enjoy your life and what you have worked to achieve. No one knows exactly what other people are going through. No one.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 09/04/2015 09:35

OP, I just want to know where you live that a band F 4 bed house is ony £800 a month rent???

round here a band D/E 4 bed semi is about £1000-1200pcm!!

Totality22 · 09/04/2015 09:36

I am hoping the OP was overembellishing a little

Even if it is true I still think its a rarity. I know people who have claimed benefits and they have done so as a last resort.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 09/04/2015 09:36

I have spoken to quite a few of my neighbours. I don't recall ANY of them spouting off about their financial situation, and I didn't discuss mine. I certainly don't ever wonder about whether or not they work or get benefits or have inherited money or whatever. I do not understand why anyone would be watching others to see when they're going to work or even notice for that matter.

Spend a little more time enjoying and living your life and quit channelling Gladys Kravitz. Hmm

NancyRaygun · 09/04/2015 09:38

I don't understand your anger at all OP - the majority work hard. All tax payers should have the same reaction as you but I don't - and nor do the vast majority of tax payers I know.

These people are a minority who in your opinion seem to be irresponsibly cheating the system, they don't seem like they have a very nice life: 8 people, 4 bedrooms, prison, no work. Sounds shit.

You are so much better off - plus you know you are providing and setting a great example to your family. These people are taking nothing from you: if they stopped having babies you'll still pay tax and the welfare bill will remain the same.

So: YABU.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 09/04/2015 09:38

I know Alice! Only on MN do people know the ins and outs of their neighbours' finances, prison record, relationships history, sex lives, family planning etc! It is bizarre!

MNHQ
BeccaMumsnet · 09/04/2015 09:41

Hello everyone - we're currently taking a closer look at this. For now, could we please ask that you post with the good ol' Talk Guidelines in mind and report any concerns to MNHQ. We'll be removing any troll hunting.

Thank you all.

OnlyLovers · 09/04/2015 09:44

'8 kids in a 4 bed house? No job? I don't envy that and they are not taking from me'

I agree with this. Yu've no idea what's going on in their lives or their minds. Maybe the woman 'gloats' because she's deeply unhappy and striking out and going on the defensive has become her way of coping with life. Her partner has been in prison fgs.

Walk a mile in another person's shoes, and all that.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/04/2015 09:44

It really does amaze me the way people know so much about their neighbours or friends parents.
Jeeeeeeez I just about know my neighbours names. I don't if they work. If they don't work. If they claim legitimately. If they claim falsely. And I wouldn't want to know. It's none of my business. I've got worries of my own

Emmaswan · 09/04/2015 09:51

Perhaps the dad is struggling to find work after being in prison, perhaps the mum has no skills or qualifications to find work and who are you to judge how many children they have?

Yes - poor man. I expect he was a victim of an evil plan to lock up an innocent man Sad.
And whilset we all pay for people like this, we have every right to comment and judge their lives.

OnlyLovers · 09/04/2015 09:53

And whilset we all pay for people like this, we have every right to comment and judge their lives.

Who on earth do you think you are?

And for Christ's sake – you are not getting less money because this family – this ONE family – is getting benefits.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 09/04/2015 09:53

And whilset we all pay for people like this, we have every right to comment and judge their lives.

And that right there is the reason these threads are so appalling. THIS mindset. Gosh, aren't you feeling proud of yourself? Hmm What a dreadful attitude.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/04/2015 09:58

And whilset we all pay for people like this, we have every right to comment and judge their lives

The tories will sort people like this out

I hope you two never find yourself struggling and reliant on benefits.

What's that saying?, never look down on someone unless you're helping them up. Take note of that.

IHeartKingThistle · 09/04/2015 10:00

Emma you sound like a twat. Stop believing everything you read, on here or the Daily Mail.

horriblesil · 09/04/2015 10:01

I don't understand why the benefits cap doesn't apply to families with a disabled child? I have a disabled child, my dh works and I work too. I have 3 children btw.

horriblesil · 09/04/2015 10:01

I don't understand why the benefits cap doesn't apply to families with a disabled child? I have a disabled child, my dh works and I work too. I have 3 children btw.

popalot · 09/04/2015 10:02

Must be quite a hard life for the mum and kids with dad in and out of prison.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 09/04/2015 10:11

horriblesil perhaps because other people that have children with disabilities are not necessarily in the same position as you? It's not a one size fits all thing - it needs to protect those that are in more difficult positions than you, I would think. Everyone isn't judged by your ruler.

EvilTendency1 · 09/04/2015 10:12

It is wrong and I do think there should be a benefit cap.

dons tin hat

Benefits should be there as support for up to 2 children no more.

Icimoi · 09/04/2015 10:17

EmmaSwan, have you ever used the NHS, sent your children to a state school, walked in a public park? If so, I'm paying for you, so would you mind setting out all your personal details so that I can comment on and judge your life?

SoonToBeSix · 09/04/2015 10:17

The family the op is talking about that is of course a real family has six kids not eight.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/04/2015 10:21

Anglos. Be nice to those on your way up because you might just meet them on your way back down.

Hillingdon · 09/04/2015 10:24

Someone will come on soon and say its very rare, its not their fault, they dont mind funding this etc etc.

Well, I mind. Where is the personal responsibility to stay out of prison, to stop having so many children, to brag and boast about it. I suspect they have another income or someone is doing some cash in hnad work.

If the man went to prison having burgled your house or attacked one of your children whilst drunk would that still be OK? We should still support him, he in vunerable and of course they can have as many kids as they like...

Littlemonstersrule · 09/04/2015 10:27

The cap obviously isn't enough and there are so many exceptions to it anyway.

If already claiming, then there should be a policy that no extra will be given. People who work don't get a pay rise for every child so it would be no different to that. There would need to be a time frame in place for future claims otherwise people would pick up temp work for a few weeks then simply claim again. It would soon stop people having children that they don't support.

I hope the son does get to break the cycle and have a career but most don't.

needaholidaynow · 09/04/2015 10:29

This reply has been deleted

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