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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to think that at least one of the parents should work

293 replies

Adizzylass2014 · 08/04/2015 23:04

My 16 yr old son is friends with a family who have just moved into the close next to ours and we were invited round for coffee. My partner left as he was fuming and I stayed for the sake of my son but I was seething. They are a family of 8 and the mum is pregnant again, they were so brazen and gloated that their 4 bedroom house is paid for by housing benefit (we have the same in the next close and the rent is £800 pcm)
He has never worked and hasn't long been released from prison. The children had all the gadgets from ipad to ps4. She said she has never worked either as she loves to be pregnant and plans on having more. Now you will have seen from previous threads I don't benefit bash but this is disgusting how can this be allowed. My son has been invited by them to go fishing on their boat, i don't want him anywhere near them. my partner works damn hard to pay the rent and our band f council tax and these people not only get everything given to them but they openly gloat about it. This is what is wrong with this bloody world Angry Angry

OP posts:
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7
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/04/2015 10:32

HillingdonI suspect they have another income or someone is doing some cash in hnad work.

You have no idea if this thread is even genuine yet make assumptions without any foundation.

Lweji · 09/04/2015 10:34

This thread has lost its fun.

Sad

OP, get your son to go fishing. We want pics of the boat.

Patapouf · 09/04/2015 10:34

Is this pre-election propaganda?
I wish I could rent a 4 bed house for 800pm, for that I can only get a 1 bed flat here.

ouryve · 09/04/2015 10:36

Thanks for the link to the talk guidelines, MNHQ, even though I reported my own post.

There is no benefits cap for families with disabled kids because kids with disabilities often incur additional costs. I still have to buy nappies for my almost 9yo. 9yo sized nappies cost 30-50p each, or more. The ones the NHS supplies are not suitable, and even if they were, he only got 4 a day, which is not enough. Like the PP, DH has a good job. He had the interview for his current job the day that DS1 had a massive meltdown and smashed a bedroom window (undoubtedly anxious because of DH's interview). These things cost money. If DH was in a NMW job, the nappies alone would probably stretch us to our limit. DS2 went through a phase where he was getting through a packet of dry nites every day as well as having accidents all over the place, after stripping off, incurring laundry and cleaning up costs. That phase also coincided with chewing holes in all his t-shirts. Also expensive.

Hillingdon · 09/04/2015 10:44

Told you someone would come on on say this thread wasnt true!

They dont want to believe that people do this, get more money, the more children they have. The children will have a dreadful role model and why am I getting frothy about it? Because putting 8 kids through school costs, NHS cover costs, not by these two though. They arent paying anything.

There is a lot of support for a limit on the number of kids the state will support.

I dont know whether this is true or not but there ARE people who behave like this and who do it because they can. They have no formal qualifications or resort to a life of crime and dossing around.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/04/2015 10:46

I don't think that's the issue.

It's that who meets a neighbour for first time then is privy to their entire history and financial details.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/04/2015 10:52

anyway if a troll im sure MNHQ will sort it out so definitely leaving it to them.

Lweji · 09/04/2015 10:53

Because putting 8 kids through school costs, NHS cover costs, not by these two though. They arent paying anything.

Even if you work and pay taxes, if you have more children they also cost the NHS and schools.

People should think carefully, before shouting for benefit caps, about what the alternative is to supporting these (relatively rare) families:

forced sterilization?
children actually going hungry because their parents keep having them regardless?

Hillingdon · 09/04/2015 10:53

I do think there are some very stupid people who boast about this sort of thing and think no one will report them, question their decision making etc. I think the issue is that this isnt a luxury life at all - even the maximum benefits wont support that but there is not getting up early for work, no travel costs, no childcare costs, no worrying about getting a report in on time or placating an annoyed client.

For some this is just fine - they dont see an issue in doing whatever they choose and allow the state to pick up the pieces.

I worked with Social Security a few years ago (they were a client).

Everyone thinks its the rich woman down the road reporting a benefits cheat - its not - very often its a relative or friend/ex friend who the person has told.

The80sweregreat · 09/04/2015 10:54

it is all wrong and I can understand your frustration. Even reading it and hearing 'boat and 4 bed house' gives me the rage too, but you have to probably wonder more at how it got this way. My dad is 92 and he said that in the 1920s and 30s, men had to sign on twice a day, people would come to your home and if you had as much as a radio or anything that they deemed a luxury , it would have to be sold first and everything was means tested. There are lots of people playing the system too much now it seems and others that are in genuine need and cant get help or anything as you describe above. Its a complete mystery to me how some get away with things and others just live on the bread line and have to suffer, go to food banks and so on. The working poor in the UK seem to be a in a worse situation than these people and this is really unfair. There is no answer to it all and it will never be addressed by anyone who gets in power.

Lweji · 09/04/2015 10:55

What if you work, have 6 children, pay all the way for them and then find yourself unable to work?

Should the children be removed because you can't afford them due to the benefit caps?

JamNan · 09/04/2015 10:55

Hillingdon
There is a lot of support for a limit on the number of kids the state will support.

What should one do about the number of children who will not be supported by 'the state' because of the imposed limit you suggest? Cull them?

Children don't have much of a say and I am horrified at the thoughtless and cruel responses on this thread. And BTW 'these two' pay tax of 20 per cent VAT on many items they purchase.

I think this thread is mischievous pre-Election propaganda and it leaves a nasty taste.

thornrose · 09/04/2015 10:57

This reminds me of an episode of Modern Family I watched the other night! Grin

The pot dealing new neighbours with a massive tacky boat in the driveway. They didn't have a goat though.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 09/04/2015 11:01

he said that in the 1920s and 30s, men had to sign on twice a day, people would come to your home and if you had as much as a radio or anything that they deemed a luxury , it would have to be sold first and everything was means tested.

I think that there are quite a few sad individuals on MN that would be quite happy for things to return this way. God forbid people who are poor are allowed any dignity at all. Hmm Wouldn't want them to feel... you know... HUMAN or anything...

LuisSuarezTeeth · 09/04/2015 11:06

The Tories will sort these people out

And we'll all live happily ever after Hmm

Hillingdon · 09/04/2015 11:06

Its nothing to do with dignity - its to do with personal responsibility. Making decsions and then living with them.

People who have child after child do it because they can. There are no consequences and more and more is given to them the more they have so why not (in their view)

CalamitouslyWrong · 09/04/2015 11:08

They must pay loads of tax, because they're busy buying new iPhones, iPads, ps4s and luxury yachts. That's a lot of VAT. Grin

Hillingdon · 09/04/2015 11:13

I think you can get fake iphone, 2nd hand ipads etc. They could have been stolen, who knows?

CalamitouslyWrong · 09/04/2015 11:22

If they're stolen, the OP need not worry as her taxes didn't pay for them. Problem solved.

Although, by the sounds of it, they would have told the OP if they were stolen, alongside all the other information they appear to have given out over tea and a biscuit.

RJnomore · 09/04/2015 11:27

Has no one else noticed this is the same op as the gypsies in the school playground thread?

Just saying, like.

Both have brought out the best side of mn as usual, I see Hmm

Bearfrills · 09/04/2015 11:28

Benefits should be there as support for up to 2 children no more.

What if you have four children and then lose your job? If the state will only support two children, the other two are going to go hungry, they'll be cold because they won't have appropriate clothing, they'll be poorly educated and in ill health because they won't have access to schools or the NHS. How do you choose which of the four children will be supported and which of them will be told "sorry kids, we're punishing you for what we perceive as mistakes your parents made?"

ilovesooty · 09/04/2015 11:32

Since the OP has a son with an invisible disability I'm still wondering how she seemingly has little awareness of how judgemental she is.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/04/2015 11:33

RJ yup, I see OP hasn't been back to either thread.

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 09/04/2015 11:34

Sounds like sequel to Goodfellas.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 09/04/2015 11:45

What if you have four children and then lose your job? If the state will only support two children, the other two are going to go hungry, they'll be cold because they won't have appropriate clothing, they'll be poorly educated and in ill health because they won't have access to schools or the NHS. How do you choose which of the four children will be supported and which of them will be told "sorry kids, we're punishing you for what we perceive as mistakes your parents made?"

What sadly would most likely happen, with responsible parents, is that the children would have less and the parents would go without (food, clothing) until their situation improves. So the entire family will suffer.

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