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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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AIBU to think that at least one of the parents should work

293 replies

Adizzylass2014 · 08/04/2015 23:04

My 16 yr old son is friends with a family who have just moved into the close next to ours and we were invited round for coffee. My partner left as he was fuming and I stayed for the sake of my son but I was seething. They are a family of 8 and the mum is pregnant again, they were so brazen and gloated that their 4 bedroom house is paid for by housing benefit (we have the same in the next close and the rent is £800 pcm)
He has never worked and hasn't long been released from prison. The children had all the gadgets from ipad to ps4. She said she has never worked either as she loves to be pregnant and plans on having more. Now you will have seen from previous threads I don't benefit bash but this is disgusting how can this be allowed. My son has been invited by them to go fishing on their boat, i don't want him anywhere near them. my partner works damn hard to pay the rent and our band f council tax and these people not only get everything given to them but they openly gloat about it. This is what is wrong with this bloody world Angry Angry

OP posts:
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7
MrsBigginsPieShop · 09/04/2015 03:38

They may be drowning in debt OP and be putting on a front to impress.

Giantbabymama · 09/04/2015 04:46

So glad there have been pisstaking responses to this. I think she's a crime boss and the kids are her band of midget ninja sidekicks ready to do her evil bidding.

Coyoacan · 09/04/2015 05:27

Normally I believe in being kind to the OP, but I've thoroughly enjoyed this thread

Sorry OP, but even assuming these people are everything you believe they are, the children still need a good home and there is really only one person who is not working, the father, who probably can't get a job because of his record.

But no matter how horrible parents may be, children are still innocent and need to have their needs met.

HellKitty · 09/04/2015 06:32

Haven't read the whole thing but I also live in a 4 bed with the same rent, I have a DP and 3 teens though. Would hate to have more than that living in this house. The best thing you can do for your DS is to mind your own business, show him how you have earned what you have and to have a good work ethic and be proud of your achievements. He's not going to catch benefitititus from them.

I live in working class area and I know a hell of a lot of people with the latest iPhones. They're not all stolen y'know!

Stampysladygarden · 09/04/2015 08:01

I'm really impressed you can get a four bed house for only £800 a month. I have to move out our two bed rented flat because the landlord is selling and I can't find any other two beds cheaper than £750 a month.

Completely misses point of thread!

Mumbehavingbadly · 09/04/2015 08:08

It is annoying when you see at close hand people who appear to be living high on the hog on benefits. But you do know that mostly they're not don't you?

And of course you're angry because in this family you can actually see all the 'scrounging' that you have been told is taking away from 'hard working families' like yours.

But you do know that all the benefit 'cheats/scroungers' cost you less in tax and impact to the future of yourself and your children than the bankers and white collar fraudsters, corporations dodging tax and zero hours contracting Union dismantling, NHS privatising, public letter writing to support more of the same, businesses don't you?

Because most of us are working people living in ordinary homes we are statistically more likely to meet or hear of a neighbour/parent at the school/friend of a friend of a friend's mother's who is holidaying in Ibiza with her 12 under 15's by six dads on benefit. And so believe the stories we're told by the people protecting the interests of their friends and families who run all the big business and hold all the power.

You don't go to the dinner parties, fundraiser balls, weekenders at the country house/villa in 'somewhere hot'/yacht where people like you are discussed in disparaging terms and where you and you children's lives are shaped in terms of how much profit they will bring to those around the dinner table. So you don't think about that you just think about what you can see or rather what you've been told to see.

So go ahead - You send your son into their unsecure home (renting on benefits is fraught with worry) to see if you can find out where the dad is getting a bit of cash in hand work so you can feel powerful when you shop him to the authorities. You can then be very proud it was you who winkled out the family secret to make sure his kids are eating out of the food-bank and then you can feel the warm glow of benevolence when you give the mum some old clothes for her boy to wear and you can tut about how the baby looks cold in that thin jacket (maybe even come on MN to ask 'Aibu to think this mum should have warmer clothes for her kids') . You can feel really good then especially if they have to move to b&b and when the dads inside again because you'll have shopped and stopped someone getting more than you.

But remember someone somewhere more powerful than you is looking at you and your rented house and thinking about how to make more profit by housing people like you, they'll spin a line about hard working families need less space these days because they're out hard working or something and they'll be creating a new kind of indentured labour scheme which means your son works zero hours as a carpentry apprentice until he's paid off his education debt ( no I don't mean uni but school from 5 to 16) because you do know there are those who think you've been 'entitled and encouraged to rely on handouts' by not paying to send you child to school don't you?

Fool. But do go ahead and look around you for someone to kick down further so that you can feel good.

KERALA1 · 09/04/2015 08:21

Probably drug dealing? We had neighbours who didn't work but had money for cabs endless take always Staffordshire dogs etc. State pays for basics drug money for the extras.

As swotty liberal types it was eye opening seeing the system designed to help those in need be so comprehensively abused. As gangsta rap pounded through the walls and the fighting dogs shat in my garden my kind hearted left leaning feelings for the less fortunate drained right away.

Theycallmemellowjello · 09/04/2015 08:22

Er have you ever tried to get work as an ex prisoner with (let's say) no qualifications to speak of? It's not the easiest thing you know. And to be honest if the mum is looking at only getting minimum wage jobs then it's possible she'd get moreover on benefits. In that case staying on benefits is obviously the best thing for her kids. Clearly these people have made poor decisions, but with 10 people in a 4br house, getting by on state benefits, it's not like they have some massively enviable position. Yabvu!

Andrewofgg · 09/04/2015 08:31

You don't have to share all Mumbehavingbadly's conspiracy theories and paranoia to agree that the OP should leave well alone.

Inertia · 09/04/2015 08:35

Applauds Mumbehavingbadly.

The evil genius underpinning support for UKIP and the Tories lies in convincing those who are not well off that the reason for all their troubles is the existence of people even worse off than themselves. That way the rich get away with hiding the billions of pounds worth of avoided taxes, peerages and company donations in exchange for favourable votes, consultancy fees for disastrous uses of public money - all the while laughing at the working and middle classes fighting amongst themselves about exactly where to draw the line for workhouse eligibility.

Panzee · 09/04/2015 08:36

It'll all be on the drip. Don't sweat it.

ouryve · 09/04/2015 08:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ouryve · 09/04/2015 08:38

And that was not meant to be posted. Ah well.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/04/2015 08:38

The fact that after one meeting your dh left because he was 'fuming' and you rushed to mumsnet to froth says more about you two than this family.

You know nothing of their circumstances.

ginslinger · 09/04/2015 08:41

I want to know about the castle you must live in to have to pay an f band. Perhaps you could open to the public to increase your income. Have a tea room in the west wing.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/04/2015 08:45

Agree with ouryve this poster chucks in a grenade of a thread, offers a few replies then fucks off to start something else inflammatory.

Fatstacks · 09/04/2015 08:52

Flash to bang is taking longer than it should.
Unsettling that there are replies agreeing, telling too.

And of course a Biscuit for OP.

BMW6 · 09/04/2015 08:55

*Probably drug dealing? We had neighbours who didn't work but had money for cabs endless take always Staffordshire dogs etc. State pays for basics drug money for the extras.

As swotty liberal types it was eye opening seeing the system designed to help those in need be so comprehensively abused. As gangsta rap pounded through the walls and the fighting dogs shat in my garden my kind hearted left leaning feelings for the less fortunate drained right away.*

Welcome to MY world Grin

FluffyCubs · 09/04/2015 08:56

I very much doubt that you could rent a four bedroom house, council tax f for 800 quid. Round here it's 2k at least.

lottieandmias · 09/04/2015 08:59

People like this are in the minority. They aren't a reason to say the welfare state shouldn't exist.

Kittymum03 · 09/04/2015 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 09/04/2015 09:22

Another benefits bashing thread.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 09/04/2015 09:28

Points for the interesting new twist of saying you're "genuinely" disabled, following that up with "it's clearly visible." Hmm

But have to say, disappointed with the effort. Clearly a gf with a benefits bashing thread.

CalamitouslyWrong · 09/04/2015 09:28

The LLs must be seriously undercharging. £800pcm is a paltry rent on a house that's valued at band F for council tax. We used to pay £950 a month and our council tax was only band D.

angelos02 · 09/04/2015 09:29

The tories will sort people like this out. It is the PARENT's responsibility to keep their children out of poverty. Not anyone else's. Sick and tired of this.