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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that at least one of the parents should work

293 replies

Adizzylass2014 · 08/04/2015 23:04

My 16 yr old son is friends with a family who have just moved into the close next to ours and we were invited round for coffee. My partner left as he was fuming and I stayed for the sake of my son but I was seething. They are a family of 8 and the mum is pregnant again, they were so brazen and gloated that their 4 bedroom house is paid for by housing benefit (we have the same in the next close and the rent is £800 pcm)
He has never worked and hasn't long been released from prison. The children had all the gadgets from ipad to ps4. She said she has never worked either as she loves to be pregnant and plans on having more. Now you will have seen from previous threads I don't benefit bash but this is disgusting how can this be allowed. My son has been invited by them to go fishing on their boat, i don't want him anywhere near them. my partner works damn hard to pay the rent and our band f council tax and these people not only get everything given to them but they openly gloat about it. This is what is wrong with this bloody world Angry Angry

OP posts:
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7
Salmotrutta · 08/04/2015 23:24

How do you know they don't need support OP?

Ex-criminals probably find it quite hard to get jobs I should think?

ilovesooty · 08/04/2015 23:24

In fact I'd hope any self respecting 16 year old would tell you where to go quite frankly.

WorraLiberty · 08/04/2015 23:26

No, it's totally normal to invite the parents of your 16yr old's new friend around, and sit there telling them all your private financial stuff, go through prison history and inform them of your future plans regarding future babies whilst on the dole.

Doesn't everyone do this?

Chillyegg · 08/04/2015 23:27

So did you go round knowing all this? Or did they enlighten you whilst you were sipping on your brew?

I wouldn't get your son to any digging! It will only boil your piss more.

Jackieharris · 08/04/2015 23:28

If he's just out of prison would you employ him?

Fair enough saying he should look for work.

Fat chance of him getting one with a criminal record when there are millions of non criminals chasing jobs!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/04/2015 23:29

Send their photo to the daily Mail.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/04/2015 23:30

Not sure which is more grim.
That people post such offensive nonsense or that people line up to agree with them.

Original poster
Adizzylass2014 · 08/04/2015 23:31

Yes you are right don't know what came over me, I wouldn't ask my son to do some digging I'm just very cross at the whole attitude.
The mum was very friendly and I think that they honestly were boasting.
I used to work full time but I became disabled a yr and a half ago and will just get worse. I am angry because I need the house adapted and have severe mobility issues and would give anything to go back to work, so when I see anyone like this it makes me angry as I'm sure it does others. I went into the house and it was all kitted out with big tv, marble coffee table ps4, wii, real wooden flooring (mum told me) but yet neither work and she didn't mention any disabilities even when I told her about mine and I would've thought with her telling me their life story she would've said something!

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/04/2015 23:32

"Dole trolls"? Hmm

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/04/2015 23:33

"All kitted out" . Yes it should have had straw on the floor and the kids sleeping in drawers.

HarrietSchulenberg · 08/04/2015 23:33

I know a few families a little like this round here. Very open and brag/gloat about how they don't intend to ever work, and about how much stuff they have and how they have got it.
Two mothers were laughing in the playground at school pick up about their new iPhone 5s, when they'd only just come out. They were nicked phones, they know "someone" who nicks stuff to order. They offered to get me one for £50, which I turned down on the grounds that I didn't have fifty quid Grin. One of them drives a RangeRover Epoque FFS.

But I also know about 30 other families who also live solely on benefits for who life is a daily, relentless struggle. They are not playing the system, they are forced to exist within it.

I am of the opinion that the former do not live on benefits: they clearly have an income stream that is additional to that funded by the state. The latter (ie everybody else) barely exist but only manage to do so because they were caught by the Welfare State safety net when life went wrong for them.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/04/2015 23:35

Hmmmmm this benefit cap thing.

THE ONE ALREADY IN FORCE that's what's on my mind right now.

butterflyballs · 08/04/2015 23:36

If her husband is just out of prison and she's pregnant, whose baby is it?

Will we be seeing them on Jeremy Kyle?

ilovesooty · 08/04/2015 23:36

I've spent years working with people recently released from prison and have yet to come across someone being released to such a stable family unit and such upmarket accommodation. I'm sure it will help to prevent him from reoffending. Hmm

Box5883284322679964228 · 08/04/2015 23:37

He could easily be out of work because he's just come out of prison and is finding it hard to get work.

Yes I agree it would be best for one parent to work full time or both parents to work part time.

However I would act like the mature adult I am though. I wouldn't sort off and I would let DS form his own opinions of the family. It is possible to politely disagree with someone and yet get on with them well.

fattymcfatfat · 08/04/2015 23:38

butterfly Grin

LaurieFairyCake · 08/04/2015 23:38

Oh what a load of guff

Anyone who has 8 fucking children isn't under employed or lazy

Even with the support of the state I think 2 or 3 are bloody hard work

I wouldn't wish that life on anyone

IHeartKingThistle · 08/04/2015 23:40

Oh thank God some posters are talking sense. I thought I'd stumbled into a parallel universe. Even a year ago this would have been ripped to shreds within 10 posts. What has happened to MN?

OP have a Biscuit and stop making stuff up.

WorraLiberty · 08/04/2015 23:41

Well without being too personal OP, I know disabled people who are angry and disbelieving of other disabled people who say they cannot work.

According to them 'so and so who has XYZ disability, could easily apply for XYZ type of work but they say they can't'.

They judge them on what they think they could/should be doing, whilst probably knowing little of the facts.

Like a PP said, how likely is this guy to get a job if he's been in prison?

I agree that having more children and relying on the state is wrong, but perhaps it was an accident?

Either way, anger is a pretty destructive thing, so I would let go of it and definitely don't involve your son in this.

Lweji · 08/04/2015 23:42

Any idea why he was in prison?

You know there are many ways to get hold of expensive gadgets?

twirlypoo · 08/04/2015 23:42

If I had 8 kids I'd be begging to goto work. I was desperate to escape after just 1, and I'm not lazy - just realise what makes for an easier day!

vindscreenviper · 08/04/2015 23:43

Definitely get in touch with the frank and fearless journalist who wrote this this OP, if you can point them toward the boat they'll definitely do the digging so your children don't have to.

Salmotrutta · 08/04/2015 23:44

You are going on about her house all being kitted out etc. but the family may have gone to auctions, discount shops, got deals on e-bay, gifts from family.

I hate hearing others muttering and making scathing comments like you OP.

You actually know only a tiny fragment about them - or think you know about them.

WorraLiberty · 08/04/2015 23:46

Oh and as for this little nugget from your opening post..... Now you will have seen from previous threads I don't benefit bash but this is disgusting how can this be allowed.

Is that ^^ the new 'Penis beaker', 'naice ham', 'midget having a wank (no, me neither?)

This is Mumsnet where people can and do name change back and forth until their little hearts are content, so it means bugger all.

senrensareta · 08/04/2015 23:53

There are some people who struggle but put on a front of doing better than they are and there are some that just play the system. On the strength of one visit it would be impossible to say with certainty but, if you are right then YANBU. This is what some of the benefit changes are supposed to stop, using the system to fund a lifestyle rather than a safety net