To Have Walked Out

[queeneileen]

My mum is truly doing my head in. She's managing to drum up arguments left, right, and centre with both me and my DS(13) I've got to the point where I'm limiting the time DS and DM spend together to less than 30mins at a time - they're as stroppy as each other and wind each other up - but I still go round every night after work for a brew. She's 67, disabled (can still get out and goes out every Saturday night to the local for company), but doesn't really do much socialising during the day.

Aaaaaanyways, she's just becoming more and more argumentative. Yesterday we rowed about politics, royal mail, the SNP, Scotland, her tv guide.
Today it was about employment law and the fact she thinks it's a shame employers can't hire who they want but instead have laws they have to cow-tow to. This was all sparked from her asking if Asians owned my opticians as the place was "flooded" with them. I work for an employment law company and started telling her about (quite sodding obvious) laws in place to stop discrimination happening. Queue massive row where I don't allow her to have her own opinion and it culminated in her accusing me of calling her a racist pig, and me telling her she IS racist. She is - not 15mins before she told me she was nearly sick when the Asian optician was checking her eyes as he was in her face. (note: I'm sorry. It's what she said)

She decided then she was offended that I think she's racist, and offended that I could say that to her in the manner I did. And I just said I was leaving and walked out.

I can't hack listening to her. I can't hack the rows. I can't hack the expectation of me sitting there listening to her spout bullshit because it's her opinion, even if I find it offensive. I end up openly questioning what she's saying and - I'll be honest - telling her she's talking crap.

I'm hugely sad I've walked out but AIBU to have done so?

Sorry - I said OP in my last but one post, but I was talking about daffs.

Sorry OP!

A lot of the scapegoating that happening with minority communities is almost identical to accusations made against Jews and witches in the Middle Ages.

If you are in a bad place it is human nature, unfortunately for some to turn on the 'other'. I honestly believe there are a lot more good people in the world than bad people, but there are some dark corners in the human mind.

So much of the anti Semitism in 1930s Germany was based on science that had been discredited 30 years before or more. The facts were unimportant. It was all about Germany feeling betrayed, the horrific effects of the blockade on a generation born during WWI, the dreadful experiences of the Depression and a massive sense of things not being fair. Not only were the clear and well known facts ignored, but the passions and frustrations were directed at the wrong targets.

I'm off to bed before I start ranting about the demonisation of benefits claimants and the sins of the bankers. Facts aren't usually allowed to get in the way in that argument either.

Very true lisa. Apart from immigrants, benefits claimants are indeed the other group that regularly gets scapegoated.

As you say, the facts aren't usually allowed to get in the way of either argument. And yet it is interesting that not everyone has the propensity to look for scapegoats. Some people lead incredibly difficult and challenging lives, and yet they manage not to become bitter, prejudiced or irrational about it.

It would be interesting to understand what makes people respond to similarly difficult situations in such different ways.

I just think the older generation think a lot differently to us not saying I agree with all of it, but I don't think we should call them racist is all.

Stop painting all of the older generation as also having these vile opinions. My, in their 60s, parents certainly don't. And my, in their 70s, PILS definitely don't. For if they had I would never have met my dh, they are a white couple who after already having 3 children of their own, went on to adopt 2 black children. That was in the 1970s btw.

Racist is racist no matter what age, colour or creed people are.

Crikey, what a thread.

Kudos to everyone who battled away with the nonsensical verbal diarrhoea emanating from one poster.

It depends where you live and why immigration has had a negative or positive effect on your livelihood surely?

That's almost they very definition of racism. If something bad happened to you because of someone, it's because they were a bad person, not because they were black, brown, or white, anymore than because they had a big nose, or curly hair or anything else.

I feel like the cavalry have arrived

I don't normally comment on a thread I'm so late to arrive to, but on this one I could help myself.

(Have spent the last 2 days like this on the child benefit thread).

Stop giving the op's mother free pass because of her age and treating her as if multicultural Britain is some new and alien thing that she isn't able to cope with. At 67 she will not be able to remember s time before there were significant numbers of black and Asian people in this country. Treat her unpleasantness and bigotry for exactly what it is.

Another point that needs to be reiterated: not all British people are white. White and British are not interchangeable terms. There are plenty of non-white British people and it is simply incorrect to assume that, say, Asian = foreign.

Im still here, I haven't called one person a name. Some, however have been spiteful and disgusting. I need not be pitied as I am the voice of many that have become too frightened to air their views due to being shouted down.

Luckily things are changing now.

Do you mean the poll that shows UKIP are at their lowest rating in two years, daffs? Yes, thank goodness for that

Luckily Tories and Labour are having to get their heads out of their backsides and being MADE to listen to rather a large number of people that have been silenced for far too long. UKIP is a breath of fresh air.

Daffs do we live in the same country? All I seem to hear these days is xenophobic daily mail crap being spouted from all corners. No one is 'too frightened to speak up'. Quite the opposite in my experience!

No more should England be a "soft" option

Name calling and personal attacks again and again, this is what many resort to as usual

Can anyone link to the stats that show how much immigration is currently adding to the economy and the wealth generated? I know that it is a net positive.

Immigration has always been long term positive for the British Isles, allowing interchange of ideas and creativity. I posted earlier that M&S was founded by an immigrant.

In many ways Britain is attracting people who are willing to take risks, think differently, work hard and take the jobs that a lot of people born here are not taking. We are getting those with 'get up and go' arriving here. The trouble is, those who work hard and add to our communities don't make the papers. What about the Sikh temples feeding all (including white, English females)?

I am not saying that there aren't problems, there are. The problems come more from lack of access to education, poverty and ignorance - on all sides.

Daffs, I can't believe you are employed. I can't believe that you could possibly hold down a job. You don't do you? You are, without doubt, the most stupid mumsnetter I have ever come across. And if I met you, no doubt you would be the most stupid person I had ever had the misfortune to come across.

And as far as me can tell. That is the first time in this thread that someone has actually name called you!

I have called you no names, daffs. I have not screamed at you. I have not said that I hate you. I have even tried to understand you.

However, I have said that I pity you, because I do. I would hate to be like you, and to walk through life with the bitterness that you have shown on this thread.

While a small minority of people in this country may share your warped views, the vast majority will see your opinions for exactly what they are.

Kampeki, I agree with everything you have written. Other than the fact that "small minority" share Daffs view. Sadly I think quite a hefty minority. A minority nonetheless, thank goodness.

Racism is not an 'old value'. It is not excusable in older people. My parents are in their late 80s and would never come out with stuff like the OP's much younger mother. They may falter on vocabulary and be a little TOO ready to tell me that their lovely new doctor is Indian, but they fundamentally think that people of all races should be treated equally.

I'm not convinced that there is a sizable minority, I think UKIP is a media tool used to push a right wing agenda on the Tories by some newspapers.
This thread has however confirmed what I already suspected about UKIP voters. If you ask them about any UKIP policies other than Europe, they don't actually have any idea about what they are voting for. Daff has shown this brilliantly.

I take comfort in the fact that historically the far right have enjoyed rising popularity when economies have hit a bad patch, but have then disappeared once a recovery starts. Hopefully UKIP will do the same.

Chipped, you think UKIP is a media tool? I presume you don't think it is actually funded by the media?

In any event, I think that is a bit far fetched. Do you imagine murdochs and similar sitting around a table orchestrating UKIP's next move?!

No, UKIP is sadly a fully functioning independent party, with genuine bona fide supporters. Unfortunately no denying that.

Obviously I know they are an independent political party!
But I think UKIP enjoy proportionally far more media coverage than the votes they gain.
If you read some papers you would be led to believe they had a shot at number 10. Most UKIP voters are ex Tory voters, by encouraging this the media are pushing the tories further toward an anti Europe agenda. You're being a bit naive if you think Murdoch doesn't have a hand in political policy, just look at him and the Blairs and Rebekah Brooks and the Camerons...