To shoot the sodding birds in the garden?

[Salmotrutta]

I have access to many relatives with gun licences.

Birds are little feckers who shit on the washing and tweet loudly thus disturbing my sleep.

They decimate my flower buds and, thus, reduce crops of cherries, plums etc.

Bastards.

Please can someone link to the 'cunting pigeons' thread?

I had tears running down my face when I read that one, funniest mumsnet post ever!!

he's watching you salmo

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1793809-To-long-for-a-world-free-from-cunting-pigeons

YANBU.

I have no idea what there is to be so fucking jolly about at 4.30am. Twats.

Big yellow bird's gunna get ya

I would like to shoot them because of their annoying mithery coo-Cooooo first thing in a fucking morning. They can shit where they like as long as they do it quietly. It's like sunrise comes as a total surprise every day!

We have about 30 magpies that steal our chickens' food :( We don't get a lie in any longer as the dance on the roof and tap on the bedroom windows if we don't get up to feed the chickens them.

Why d'Ya do do thatvWine?

That's just nasty...

Bastard pigeons.

You bunch of mean bastards leave 'em alone

Magpies are little feckers too.

True fact.

Many many moons ago, we lived next door to a retired colonel (a Raj type) who used to decamp to his verandah every summer afternoon with a large bottle of tonic and an even larger bottle of gin - and his shotgun. (It was in the days when they were easier to come by - I'd have had it off him in a moment.)

The afternoons used to be punctuated by BOOM ('Got you you bastard') BOOM ('Take that') BOOM, BOOM, BOOM - as he had at the wood pigeons at the bottom of his garden. (The imprecations tended to tail off as the level of gin lowered but the BOOMs kept on going.)

That he managed to avoid winging one of us was nothing short of a miracle.

(Has anyone seen that starlings bring their preferred mate beakfuls of flowers during the courtship? Much maligned birds.)

Magpies make clackety-clack noises.

Feckers.

Football Rattles, they sound like. Got to admire their audacity, though.

I rather like the idea of a retired colonel.

Or Wing commander (geddit)...

AuntieDee You are living in my nightmare!
I have never been very comfortable around birds but some are worse than others. Magpies are at the bad end but seagulls are even worse. I am actually put off a lot of seaside destinations because of the aggressive seagulls.

Don't shoot! Get a cat or two!

You wouldn't want to wing them, that would be cruel

Our dog sits watching them. Given her breeding she's probably waiting hopefully for a Col (Retd) to go BOOM and give her an aim in life.

I have two cats.

Tah Dah!

Yesterday I went to Chat and on one thread saw talk about how that would be a good thread to start in AIBU - to shoot a bird that shat on my laundry.
You've done it. Well done!

Oh seagulls aren't restricted to the seaside. I live in a city and we have a very sizeable seagull population here - they have their colonies on relatively inaccessible tops of large buildings and eat from the nearest dumps - or any street rubbish which they can find. (And in some cities that's a lot.)

EstRus - yes, I do believe I may have mooted that....

Aha my dad was a wing commander!

I hesitate to recount the tales of "Birds My Cats Have Murdered"...

We'd be like your garden 101.
Chickens and a cockerel.....
Pheasants,woodpigeons,owls....
And the birds we encourage by feeding them -lots of tits,wrens,robins,blackbirds,thrushes,jays,jackdaws,woodpeckers etc.
I don't notice the noise but do get a lot of chook poo about.

I met a WingCo at a vair posh do years ago.

He was luvverly.