To shoot the sodding birds in the garden?

[Salmotrutta]

I have access to many relatives with gun licences.

Birds are little feckers who shit on the washing and tweet loudly thus disturbing my sleep.

They decimate my flower buds and, thus, reduce crops of cherries, plums etc.

Bastards.

Gah! I started a thread t'other day that no one cared about about the bastarding birds in my pissing guttering. I work from home and get distracted all day long by their thumping. Husband suggested trained jumping cats.

Sorry Gloopy

Your DH is correct.

My Amazing Trained Jumping Cats are ace.

Has anyone seen the youtube clip where some idiot feeds laxatives to the seagulls at the beach? It's terribly cruel but hilariously funny

I still have Cunting pigeons. The starlings have moved back in the bathroom to nest. They are currently at the rowing at whose turn it is to sit on the fucking nest stage .... This is preferable to the squawking hungry babies at dawn phase though.

We had a hardcore pigeon on the shed too. I prodded with a stick in chest to try and get it to shove off the shed before next doors cat ate it, and merely shuffled to left and gave me the Mumsnet the feathery cunt.

The cunting pigeons around here get under your feet and purposely trip you over. Even if you offer them a bit of your pasty it isn't good enough. No, they'll still hound you and help you face plant.

Honey - I can totally get a relative avec shotgun to sort that out for you.

Pigeons are utter, bastarding bastards.

And they are usually mob-handed.

You can't shoot a mammal that does the Mumsnet at you. That's murder not pest control.

But birds ain't mammals so that's okay.

Mind you... I'd shoot anything that head-tilted me.

HTH

Thing you???

Thingy, I meant.

I have a shot gun and I'm cheap too.

Cheap is good.

At our old house we had a rat problem. We discovered burrow holes in our flower beds. DFil came round with his air gun and sat at the back door shooting them. He was there for ages. Every time one poked its nose out of a hole he shot it. I think he got three in the end. So it can be done.

I get Mynahs where I live. One particular individual (and I am fairly sure it's the same guy) sips my tea if I don't keep a saucer on top. He also hops through the cat flap and eats their biscuits. There are 6 of them but they never stand.up to him.

Ooh I always yearned for a pet Mynah bird when I was a kid!

I wanted to teach it to swear

They don't say anything but they nod a lot and make silly noises.

What is it with bloody humans wanting to kill everything!!

If you can't cope with a bit of bird shit get a bloody tumble dryer!!

Sense of humour failure there MrsChicken?

Mrs chicken feels slightly paranoid

I feel your pain op. The pigeons relaxing in my garden drive me insane especially the insolent look they give me when I try and shoo then away

The cock woke me up at 3:30am! And not the more pleasant featherless variety... And the bastard chickens haven't laid since October! Feed me birds, feed me!

All the magpies round here sound like they are auditioning for Jeremy Kyle. There are a lot of them

YA Obviously BU - the birds in my garden get fruit cake, peanuts, sunflower seeds and fat balls every morning.

I have actually looked into this as I hate the fucking pidgeons, however I found out that you are not allowed to shoot even a soft air gun anywhere where there is any risk of you hitting a person + some margin. Very disappointing. It got a lot better when the idiot across the street who FED the fuckers moved.