to think SAHMs should stop referring to this as "a full time job"?

[ConfusedintheNorth]

Ok I'm probably going to get pulled apart for this, but this really gets under my skin. Every time I go on facebook or twitter there are a barrage of statuses/comments from friends who are SAHM going on about how busy and hectic their lives are and how "being a mother is a full time job", and it's driving me insane! I'm sorry but it's just not, is it? I was a single mother who home schooled, and ran my own business full time, and managed to get through every day without any sort of time travel devise. I am aware everyone does things differently and I'm possibly over reacting, but seriously if you only have a couple of kids, a supportive partner and don't have to work, in the grand scheme of things you have it pretty good and should probably stop endlessly telling the world how hard your life is. (and breath!)

LittleMissRayofHope... you missed/ignored the fact I was also a SAHM then?

That's an 'Uncle Tom' justification.

I've never been a SAHM - nor has dh. But we have paid a lorry load of money over the years to people who will mind our children for us while we work- both while preschoolers and then after school/school holidays etc. I didn't realise that we could have avoided this. I thought children needed to be minded all the time. Did I rear my children all wrong? Should I just have left them at home (with a biscuit and a glass of juice maybe)?

Something can be important without being the toughest job in the world.

I have been trying to express this for years and never realised this is exactly what I wanted to say :)

I have three DC, eldest is 5yo, and I'm a childminder so while I do all the things a SAHM does, I'm also working FT - before/after school and in the school holidays I have six children, including my own.

I think it's each to their own, everyone has got to do what suits their family and their circumstances.

Pre-DC I had a fairly good career, I was progressing up the ladder and tipped for big things. Post-DC1 I found myself frozen out at work. I worked my backside off to prove myself all over again and rebuild the reputation I had prior to going off on maternity leave (six years to build it, six months for it to be completely forgotten....), it made no difference whatsoever and I decided I wasn't going to waste DC1's early years unhappy and working for a bunch of bastards so became a SAHM. Then I became a childminder when I wanted to return to work but couldn't find a childminder locally who could take all three DC and drop off at our school on a morning, gap in the market and I filled it.

I get a fair few rude comments about when am I going to find a "real" job and how it must be nice to "sit at home and faff about with toys all day". Even DH does it sometimes, can I run this message or go pick this and that up, I tell him no actually because I have a PSE activity scheduled for that time or a Literacy activity (I have to deliver the EYFS curriculum).

People should be more supportive of other choices rather than belittling them. Everyone works hard, SAHM, WOHM, we've all got shit that needs to be done and jobs that need to be sorted, so why make it into a pissing contest of who has it toughest?

What the fuck do nannies and childminders etc do then? If they do that for a full time job is it...erm...somehow not a full time job in your opinion?

As a childminder I am doing exactly the same stuff I was doing with my own DC beforehand, the only differences now are that I have to document it all, I get paid, and Ofsted pop round every so often to make sure I'm not running a crack den.

A SAHM does work and it is a job, it's simply not a paid job.

I would expect a childminder to work much harder and do a much better job than me.

I painted my nails earlier, that was not work because a beautician does it for a living.

Does depend on so many things ...different for everyone.
I've done both - with preschoolers - I liked my job so found working FT easier than being a SAHM...I had to be very organised but I got a lunch break and some quiet time and felt like I'd achieved something.
I should also say the DC I had when I was a SAHM was a hell of a lot easier than DC1 (just diagnosed as a teen with ADHD) ...I don't think I could have done that FT...
I also found that WOHM - you want to see your children, you miss them, spend quality time with them. SAHM -you can't wait to get a break from them ...
Cleaning etc - I found WOH you don't notice stuff that needs cleaning - whereas SAH you do and you can't escape it
(eg WOH didn't wash DCs curtains for years...they had thick cobweby dust on top - even when I did I didn't have time for weeks...SAH and you notice, you can't escape from them and you don't have an excuse not to do them...)
Also when the DCs (anyone) is at home all day the house gets muckier - not just constant tidying, but just grubbier - bins get full oftener, more dust, more grubby finger prints, more washing up.
As a SAHM you feel like you have to do more with the DCs/around the house than your DP/DH (if you have one) - because you are at home all day...so gardening, DIY, medical appts, organise DCs etc etc.
I think the worst is DCs in the home all day and working around that - eg opposite shifts to a DH/P... so you are still around more so do more, house gets just as grubby etc
Best (I think but grass is always greener) would be working part-time ...with DCs in childcare - maybe one day working from home without DCs.
I now work part time flexi time from home whilst DCs are at school ...which is ok but not perfect... I'm always surrounded by 'work' -things that need to be done -whether household or work things - you never 'escape'. True I guess of anyone who works at home.
The other thing about being a SAHM is you can never get out of going to things/helping out at school etc...because you don't have an excuse. So I have to go to everything - even things I'd really rather not (I can think of a couple of things but I've gone because you can't tell your DC I'd rather not sit through 2 hrs of incredible bad whatever just to catch a glimpse of you in the back row for 2 mins....).
And finally I know it shouldn't be the case but I can think of a couple of occasions where parents who work FT have benefited from me being SAH...where I've been a parent helper so the children can do something they otherwise couldn't. I can't not do it - if nothing else what would I tell my DC?
(Last time it was really inconvenient - I had an appt I couldn't miss/change in the middle so said I couldn't. They were desperate - no one else could (or would?) help. So I ended up having to take my car somewhere and leaving it there the day before so I could jump into it and go to the appt and then leave it there again and then go and pick it up later...)

Arsenic - I was responding to the fact I supposedly belittling people decision to be a SAHM, which I wasn't. I didn't say it was an easy job either, what I said was it's a decision you make and people need to stop harping on that it's a miserable existence. Most of the childminders I know also have their own children and manage fine, and love their jobs, so no that is not in any way the same thing.

Looking after someone else's kid is a job, looking after your own is parenting.

I think this is much more about your own issues OP, whatever they are.

I guess it's more to do with issues from my past then anything else, but it does genuinely drive me mental. I do know that some children take a lot more attention than others, and for some people caring for them is a LOT of work. But there are a lot of times where I think people just need to count their blessings and stop complaining about every little thing, it makes motherhood sound like some endless slog that eliminates everything else from your life... and it just doesn't. Yes it changes your life massively, but it doesn't end it.

Why would you take someone stating their occupation as a complaint?

"What do you do"?

"I'm an accountant"
"I'm an undergraduate"
"I look after my DC full-time"
"I'm a self employed gardener"
"I care for my mother who had a stroke last year"

It's just people telling you what they do with their days/time/lives.

I worked full time and managed to look after my child, keep the house and for some of it even a husband. I now haven't worked for five years due to illness. If I were to work now other than being extremely ill I wouldn't be able to juggle everything. I look back now and wonder where all that energy went and am grateful that I had that time and I feel that I did accomplish something and felt very able back then. I wouldn't be able to do it now and due to my illnesses I find that I now struggle to keep the house, look after DS etc not to mention dealing with a custody battle, major money issues, no support and a ds who is about to be diagnosed with autism. I miss the days when I worked and did all those things, when I felt like I was doing a proper job of everything and I was a proper mummy. Now being at home is a full time job for me but that's only due to being unwell. If I was well again I would go back to work and juggle everything as before as I enjoyed that. when Ibecame single I was supporting ds and I completely on my own doing everything on my own and although I was a bit tired of an evening I felt proud of what I was doing. I miss it. Everyone's set up is different I guess. The thing is that as long as you feel you're doing your best then it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.

Littlemissrayofhope - most WOHM do nearly everything you do too - breakfasts, dinners, shopping, meal planning, ironing, folding etc. Theybath their kids too. They just can't do it during the daytime mostly. Funnily enough the kids of WOHM don't magically sleep through the night.

Arsenic - I was responding to the fact I supposedly belittling people decision to be a SAHM, which I wasn't. I didn't say it was an easy job either, what I said was it's a decision you make and people need to stop harping on that it's a miserable existence. Most of the childminders I know also have their own children and manage fine, and love their jobs, so no that is not in any way the same thing.

Make your mind up.

Is it a thread about "people harping on about their miserable existences" or a thread (as per title) about "people refering to being a SAHM as their FT job"??

Arsenic - even if you just look at the OP and ignore all my comments there after, I'm not complaining about people stating they are a SAHM, I'm saying that when they are constantly stating how terrible their lives are when they are stating it from a position of someone who has made that decision and a supportive partner, I find it somewhat annoying.

I was a sahm with 3 under 3 for a few years. Piss easy compared to wohm. Sorry, but it is. I do the same housework and parenting in addition to working 40 hours a week. I'd make a twee lifestyle blog about it but I don't have the time.

And if SAHMs are moaning, (I haven't seen it) why can't they moan sometimes?

Teachers do, nurses do, accountants do.....

Is there something special about FT parents that uniquely deprives them of the right to be down in the dumps and have grumble?

The title was in response to the countless social media posts you see about how being a mother makes you a cleaner, a taxi driver, etc, etc... yes it does, but a lot of women do all that plus have to work and run a household by themselves, and for them it feels a little like a slap in the face.

As I said earlier I'm not talking about the odd post when someone's had a sh*tty day of it... I'm talking about the relentless "I don't know how I cope" and "I never stop, not even to sleep" posts that crop up every hour or so from the same people.

Life is challenging enough for most women on this planet.

Shall we stop judging each other too?

Arsenic - even if you just look at the OP and ignore all my comments there after, I'm not complaining about people stating they are a SAHM, I'm saying that when they are constantly stating how terrible their lives are when they are stating it from a position of someone who has made that decision and a supportive partner, I find it somewhat annoying

No I've skimmed all your comments trying to find out what your gripe is and I can't fathom it.

Sounds like more goady fuckery in the entirely artificial WOHM/SAHM wars to me.

WHO are these perpetually moany SAHMs? Can you link? Is it just wild generalisation about a couple of individuals? Are you having a bad day?

I've been both SAHM and WOHM (and WAHM) and it's all hard juggling once you have DC.

unlucky has it right. Woozle has it right. canyouforgiveher has it right.

You, OTOH, are making no sense.

In my opinion being a SAHP is harder work than holding down a 9-5 job. Working parents have the job and some of the childcare. Pretty tough doing the morning commute when your 2 year old has been screaming half the night.

I think this is a pointless argument.

Everything is comparative. As others have said, your moans about your life would feel like a slap in the face for many people. You have kids - lots of people can't. You have a job outside the home - a lot of people can't/don't. You live in a country that is relatively safe and where women are free to work, vote and generally take their place in the world - many don't. Could go on and on. lots of people have the 'perfect' set up, lots of people make the decision to stay at home and look after their kids - it doesn't mean that should be a slap in the face to someone who for whatever reason, has a different life.

I live in social housing, am unemployed, in not great health and went through a shit divorce. I don't feel this gives me the right to feel everyone who lives in their own home, has a job, is married and or healthy, is slapping me in the face.

Arsenic - I think it's more a case of you don't want to see my points than the fact that you can't. I'll go back to the example I gave earlier. As someone who was a single mother who worked from home at the same time as looking after kids, seeing someone who doesn't have to work with a supportive partner constantly bemoaning how terrible there life is, I feel a little like someone who can't afford bus fare listening to someone complain about a scratch in their Mercedes.

Life is challenging enough for most women on this planet.

Shall we stop judging each other too?

That would be heaven iHAVE. Please make it happen

Lol, I see we've already had several of the 'wohms do all that a sahm does plus work too' posts.
Lol.
No.
You don't.

At all.