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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think SAHMs should stop referring to this as "a full time job"?

552 replies

ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 20:50

Ok I'm probably going to get pulled apart for this, but this really gets under my skin. Every time I go on facebook or twitter there are a barrage of statuses/comments from friends who are SAHM going on about how busy and hectic their lives are and how "being a mother is a full time job", and it's driving me insane! I'm sorry but it's just not, is it? I was a single mother who home schooled, and ran my own business full time, and managed to get through every day without any sort of time travel devise. I am aware everyone does things differently and I'm possibly over reacting, but seriously if you only have a couple of kids, a supportive partner and don't have to work, in the grand scheme of things you have it pretty good and should probably stop endlessly telling the world how hard your life is. (and breath!)

OP posts:
fourteen · 01/04/2015 22:22

That's what the lid is for Slithy. Octopus do really great ones in bright colours with a lid. Keeps warm for over an hour Smile

slithytove · 01/04/2015 22:23

Do you like an audience fourteen Grin

It would be fine if he wasn't fascinated with wiping. And continually tries to wipe me clean.

Shock
treaclesoda · 01/04/2015 22:24

fourteen, in fairness a lot of working parents do send their children to the childminder/nursery when they have a day off work, because they're paying for the childcare whether they use it or not, so they use it. Not all of them obviously, but I know loads of people who do. I did it myself sometimes when I was working, if I had something I needed or wanted to do that was easier without children accompanying me.

fourteen · 01/04/2015 22:24

Capsicum I am shocked that a publicly funded service is handing out incorrect information willy nilly.

Otherwise how could you be one of those poor aristos with impeccable breeding but down on their luck because Uncle Bernard gambled away the fortune?

You would just be plain old working class and everyone knows that doesn't work...

fourteen · 01/04/2015 22:26

I'm a secret exhibitionist Smile

Actually I'm so used to peeing with the door open that I quite often forget to close it at friends houses too...

BingBong36 · 01/04/2015 22:26

yanbu

Being a SAHM is not that hard, you can get loads if housework washing etc done during the day to ensure your evenings are free.

An ex colleague on Facebook used to go in and in at how hard her day had been with her 2 year old and how unfair it was she she doesn't get holiday, sick pay, bonus etc I defriended her what utter rubbish.

FanFuckingTastic · 01/04/2015 22:27

I found it like a full time job, as any other child care is considered a job, and whether I'd worked or not (two jobs then) someone was going to be working full time with their care. In my case, I am disabled and haven't been able to work since my second baby. With my son I had a very nice childminder who had him full time hours for me while I worked.

Being ill is also like a full time job. A bloody awful job no one wants to do, lol.

I don't get angry at anyone in a better position than me moaning, because we all struggle sometimes, no matter where our position in life. In some ways, I am glad no one has had to live my life, cause I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

treaclesoda · 01/04/2015 22:27

Ooh, I took so long to type that that the thread had moved on!

Ah well, when I was working I definitely had more opportunity for a 'day off' in the sense of a break from the routine.

But, still, I don't tell working mums that they have it easy. They don't. Smile

capsium · 01/04/2015 22:31

Oh I'm pretty sure I must be royalty, from just a few (a lot) of generations ago. Doesn't every family have a mysterious royal connection? Because if we are all the class we were born into, it would never change...from my father, to his father and his and so on....well over hundreds and hundreds of years...

Original poster
ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 22:32

Didn't they invent a whole load of new "classes" for some weird survey last year?

OP posts:
MagicMojito · 01/04/2015 22:33

See I could say the same about you OP. I could be thinking "FFS what is she moaning about? I'd kill to have a job and feel valued by society again. She should just thank her lucky stars!"

I think its natural to want what other people have. The reality is that most people's lives suck in their own special way! Let that be ifof comfort to you OP Smile

capsium · 01/04/2015 22:34

Yep, confused. Hence me sampling a few of them...

MrsMook · 01/04/2015 22:37

I work p/t, 3 days. By the end of my 4th day at home with two preschoolers, I'm looking forwards to my working day. The tiredness levels are fairly equal, but I enjoy getting some quiet time to think, evdn if it is focused on work. Even driving is a pleasant quiet time. I've got a balance thar suits me, and that's the key thing, different balances suit different people, but circumstances can intervene in achieving that. Neither working/ SAH is superior to the other.

If I've got the house in decent condition the night before my work days start, it stays that way for a few days as there's much less wear and tear than the days when we're in.

fourteen · 01/04/2015 22:40

It does change, because your children can be a different class to you.

So for example my parents are working class, pulled up by their bootstraps etc, but once I was born they had both been to uni, got professional jobs etc. so I was born middle class. I'll always be middle class.

If I marry Prince Harry (I wish) then I'd still be middle class. But my kids would be upper. Hence the snottiness about Kate Middleton.

I sound as if I care about this stuff. I really don't Smile

Philoslothy · 01/04/2015 22:42

I don't get why people are so desperate to be seen as the hardest working person in the universe, as if it is an accolade to be proud of.

However this is all so relative, your view on how hard it is to be a SAHP will be linked to your own energy levels and personality, your own experience of work, your family set up and the nature and number of your children.

In my particular scenario bring a SAHP is most days an easy choice. That means feck all to other people in a different set of shoes

LittleMissRayofHope · 01/04/2015 22:42

For fucks sake.

I'm a SAHM. Was before I ditched their dad and now I couldn't go out o work if I wanted to. I'll not earn enough to cover the childcare costs.

So thanks for belittling the role I have of being on the clock 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Dc are 2.7 and 6months. One doesn't sleep through and the other gets up at 6am and barely even sits down until bedtime at 8pm.
I do breakfast, snacks, lunch and dinner. Shopping, washing, drying, folding, putting away.
Shopping, meal planning and cooking. I play, read, baths, mend, nurture and discipline. I put out fires and enforce rules.
I protect the littlest from being trampled and protect the older one from having her hair ripped out.
I think up, prepare and do activities with both. My dd (2.7) can count and do her alphabet and recognise a few words. She speaks fluently in English and can understand and speak French and understands some Arabic. She helps me cook and she is happy.
My DS is happy.
They are both clean, have clean clothes, clean beds, clean home.

But I don't get a pay check so I'm a clearly I'm just a fucking lazy cow then?????

BiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuit

Philoslothy · 01/04/2015 22:46

Something can be important without being the toughest job in the world.

Even in my situation where they the role is not hard work it is still very very important.

capsium · 01/04/2015 22:47

So the parent's class doesn't change, but they can change the class of their children? So my DC are middle class but I will forever be working class? All because my parents were oh so revolutionary, rebellious, independent children of the 60s? Greaaaat!

Original poster
ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 22:49

LittleMissRayofHope... you missed/ignored the fact I was also a SAHM then?

OP posts:
fourteen · 01/04/2015 22:52

Yup. Sorry Slithy

I think DS has gone down to working class, if that's any comfort.... I squandered my privileged start Smile

Original poster
ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 22:52

Not sure if I still class as a SAHM, actually? Are there set rules, I am "at home" most days...

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 01/04/2015 22:55

I never considered being a SAHM a job. I have five of them two with special needs and I was always lucky enough that when I put them to bed I had my evenings free so I never felt I was super busy. I always had time to read and play on the internet in-between jobs and I certainly got many breaks during the day.

I am always surprised when I read people saying they don't have time to pee or take a shower as a SAHM. Then I feel lucky that I had quite a lot of freedom as a SAHM and apart from one the rest were all great sleepers, which I think makes a massive difference to how much down time you get.

However, if others want to talk about how hard it is or say it is a full time job that is their right too. My reality is not theirs and I know many people who struggle with parenting more than others due to their personality, their children or a variety of reasons, so what I might relatively easy may be a struggle for someone else.

Mine have all been in school for a while now and that gave me a lot of time to myself. Now looking to work so will be interesting to see what I find easier.

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 01/04/2015 22:55

LittleMiss - you are a parent, it's not a job, it's a choice. You do the same as 10000000s of other people around the world, including myself!! We all knew when we chose to have kids our lives would be 24/7 childcare, what's the problem

Sallystyle · 01/04/2015 22:56

I have five children. Two of them with special needs... incase that didn't make any sense.

capsium · 01/04/2015 22:57

You need 'At home...' cards, confused. You know for when you want to arrange an afternoon soirée... Embossed print on gold rounded edged card.

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