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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think SAHMs should stop referring to this as "a full time job"?

552 replies

ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 20:50

Ok I'm probably going to get pulled apart for this, but this really gets under my skin. Every time I go on facebook or twitter there are a barrage of statuses/comments from friends who are SAHM going on about how busy and hectic their lives are and how "being a mother is a full time job", and it's driving me insane! I'm sorry but it's just not, is it? I was a single mother who home schooled, and ran my own business full time, and managed to get through every day without any sort of time travel devise. I am aware everyone does things differently and I'm possibly over reacting, but seriously if you only have a couple of kids, a supportive partner and don't have to work, in the grand scheme of things you have it pretty good and should probably stop endlessly telling the world how hard your life is. (and breath!)

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 02/04/2015 12:29

twosocks - the hours I work made it very hard to go back after maternity and I admit there were a lot of tears when I first went back Blush One of the shifts I do is always on either a Saturday or Sunday so DH has DS on that day and for my other two days that I go to work our DS goes to his childminder.

I try and focus on the benefits which is having four full days with DS. I think I would find it harder to work 9-5 and only see him for a short time each evening just for dinner and bed. I like it that on our four days together it's quality time and we can go out to nice places.

It also works out well in that DH has had to step up in terms of his parenting role compared to how he was when I was on maternity and I think it's done his relationship with DS well. On the two days in the week that I work DH has to do DS's breakfast and evening meal, do the childminder drop off and pick ups and do bath and bedtime. He also has to pack the childminder bags and do DS's packed lunch. On the day at the weekend that I work it means DH is responsible for DS from 6am onwards. I think DH struggled at first because he was so used to me being the main carer but he figured it out in the end Grin

Kampeki · 02/04/2015 12:31

I'm a sahm and i doubt very much if you could get anywhere near what i do on a daily basis.

Possibly not, but if you're doing loads more than I do on my days off, then I would assume that you're doing it out of choice rather than necessity.

Whatthequack · 02/04/2015 12:32

From my personal experience, being a work at home parent is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. I tend to have to sacrifice my sleep in order to meet my deadlines for numerous clients.

morethanpotatoprints · 02/04/2015 12:34

Kampeki

I suppose it depends on what you call necessity.

I work with my dh in the family business (unpaid), I am PA and chaperone for dd, as she performs throughout the country. I take her miles to rehearsals and of course teach her at home as well.
It's a full time job, and I'm a sahm.

TheWordFactory · 02/04/2015 12:37

But morethan I've heard you say as infinitum how much you love being a SAHP.

How you share all chores with your DH, how you have tons of free time to de exactly what you want.

All of a sudden this is the hardest thing in the workdHmm

Kampeki · 02/04/2015 12:38

I think home ed is a bit different from what a normal sahp does, morethan. And I wouldn't say that working in the family business is SAHPing either.

Stratter5 · 02/04/2015 12:40

Meh. Touchy.

Frankly as far as I'm concerned, SAHP is the most important job anyone can do.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 02/04/2015 12:40

Disclaimer - not a parent yet. But surely if you choose to WOH then you pay for your children to go to childcare / be one of the lucky few who can give them to a family member? So that transfers the work of looking after children for those hours to someone else - it doesn't stop being a job, it's just not your job Mon-Fri 9-5 (or whatever).

The whole taxi/cleaner/cook thing may be annoying to some WOHP who still have all that to battle with once they get home but providing childcare is a legitimate job whether it's your own children or someone elses. Obviously this stops being the case once children go to full time education.

Sugarfreeriot · 02/04/2015 12:41

I work with autistic adults for a living. I have also worked with people with mental health issues, people who are addicts etc. my working day usually involves avoiding punches and various objects being thrown at me, keeping tabs of an autistic male who self harms regularly and tries to escape at every given opportunity and wiping regurge off my clothes.
When I arrive home I struggle to see much of a difference.
My dp is CHALLANGING and most days I spend at home I wish I was at work.
Mothers who stay at home to look after kiddos don't ALWAYS have it easy, it is a full time job really, considering when I don't have dd she goes to a childminder, of which i pay to look after dd because let's face it, nobody would do it for free apart from mums.
Mums who work and look after kids work harder, longer hours imo, having said that there's probably someone reading this who's dd is 10x more challanging wondering what I'm moaning about.

morethanpotatoprints · 02/04/2015 12:42

TheWord

I don't generally see it as hard work, but can see how some people can.
I do consider it a full time job, of course it is.
I have roles and responsibilities and people expect me to achieve certain things, even if it is getting dd there on time, with the right equipment, thoroughly rested, ready, and prepared.
Or, completing a form or email for a particular deadline.
definitely not hard work nor hateful work, but work and a job netherless.

motherinferior · 02/04/2015 12:42

From my personal experience, being a work at home parent is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. I tend to have to sacrifice my sleep in order to meet my deadlines for numerous clients.

Hmm. I'm a work at home parent and I haven't found that. I work during work hours and then I stop. As I would in an office job.

SharonCurley · 02/04/2015 12:50

I'm a teacher with a class of thirty 5 year olds.I don't find going to work easier or a see it as a chance for a bit of a break.I enjoyed my maternity leave each time and would love to be a SAHP.Yes there is a lot of drudgery but it is also very very rewarding and fulfilling.I go to work each day and still do drop offs pick ups, cleaning,shopping,dinner,laundry,bath, bedtime,bfeeds at night.i go into work bleary eyed after nights when the kids have been sick.I have to leave them when they are sick.All if those goes against natural instinct.DP works away.There are days I'd like to pack it all in....I feel like every week I'm questioning whether it's worth it.I suppose some people are Sahps by choice, some not by choice and the same with those who work outside the home.In an ideal world we'd all have a choice

Whatthequack · 02/04/2015 12:51

Motherinferior,

I have a 6 month old as well as a 7 year old. During the day I don't have anyone to mind them. Therefore I am a stay at home mum during the day, then in the evening I am working. Obviously everyone's circumstances are different. Just like others would've struggled having to juggle a child, Uni and working in an office, which I achieved for the full 3 years.

Lucy61 · 02/04/2015 12:52

Imagine doing all the jobs sahm have to do and add a job on top of that. That's the reality of balancing work and childcare for many. Being a sahm is tough, but having a job and being mum is tougher. Unless of course you can afford an army of helpers.

Ratfinkandbobo · 02/04/2015 12:58

Well said Lucy! SAHP have one job, WOHP have two jobs. That is the reality!

SomewhereIBelong · 02/04/2015 13:04

Lucy / Ratfink - a SAHM's main job is childcare.

Anything else that gets done is a bonus - or do you pay a childcare professional to do their housework whilst looking after your child? So a SAHM can still have all those extra jobs to do too.

Writerwannabe83 · 02/04/2015 13:08

My childminder has about 5 children each day, I doubt very much she has time to do housework Grin

That's a different scenario though to a SAHP who has two children.

I can't imagine that in a SAHP's day they don't have the time to wash up and put some washing on, or once or twice a week find the time to do some dusting or whip the Hoover around the living room.

ThroughThickandThin · 02/04/2015 13:09

ratfink I don't think its as simple as that. SAHM is busy doing SAHM stuff during the say. Wohp does wohp stuff during the day. They both then do Sah stuff evenings and weekends.

ihatelego · 02/04/2015 13:10

bookmarking for late reading enjoyment Grin

sosix · 02/04/2015 13:12

Delete your facebook account, simples.

Ratfinkandbobo · 02/04/2015 13:14

When at home my main job is childcare too, then I also go out to work when not doing that (no child care, me and dp work opposite hours) then child care is his main job too. Dp and I split chores. We share child care and house work equally. It is 2015.

eggsnsalmon · 02/04/2015 13:18

I agree with the OP...sorry! Being a Mum isn't a 'full time job'. Yes, it means we are busy, but taking my daughter to the park or teaching her how to tie her laces does not stress me as much as my actual job does. And she can't fire me. Smile

Aridane · 02/04/2015 13:36

Sorry - I agree largely with the OP and TheWordFactory

I really don't understand this female thing of declaring their life so hard.

The reality is that parenting is not the hardest job ever.

^It is not as physically demanding as working down a pit.
It is not as complex as key hole surgery.
It is not as repetitive as most factory work.
It is not as horrible as cleaning sewers.^

Aridane · 02/04/2015 13:37

italics fail

FoulsomeAndMaggotwise · 02/04/2015 13:55

Being a SAHP is what you make it. It's easy if you plonk them in front of the TV all day and feed them ready meals. If you're providing them with everything they'd get in nursery - stimulating and different activities each day, play that encourages their own schemas and interests, healthy home cooked snacks and meals, socialisation and education, all in a clean and tidy environment - then it is a full time job and not an easy one at that.

I'm a SAHM to a 5 week old and a 19 month old and I find it challenging.