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Original poster

to think SAHMs should stop referring to this as "a full time job"?

552 replies

ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 20:50

Ok I'm probably going to get pulled apart for this, but this really gets under my skin. Every time I go on facebook or twitter there are a barrage of statuses/comments from friends who are SAHM going on about how busy and hectic their lives are and how "being a mother is a full time job", and it's driving me insane! I'm sorry but it's just not, is it? I was a single mother who home schooled, and ran my own business full time, and managed to get through every day without any sort of time travel devise. I am aware everyone does things differently and I'm possibly over reacting, but seriously if you only have a couple of kids, a supportive partner and don't have to work, in the grand scheme of things you have it pretty good and should probably stop endlessly telling the world how hard your life is. (and breath!)

OP posts:
flamingoland · 02/04/2015 09:06

In total agreement. They are your children who you look after- it isn't a JOB ffs

JemimaPuddlePop · 02/04/2015 09:08

No, it's not the same as a FT job IMO. It's just 'daily life' - looking after your dc, teaching them things, cooking cleaning. Being on 24 hour call for midnight vomits and waking, making sure all of their needs are met. The same as is done by SAHP and WOHP alike.

Hard, tiring...but not a FT job.

ssd · 02/04/2015 09:09

fourteen, you seem to be contradicting yourself somewhat

"fourteen Wed 01-Apr-15 22:11:58
ssd there are no prizes for being deliberately inflammatory."

then the next day

"fourteen Thu 02-Apr-15 07:03:28
I see the cunts are out in force this morning"

make your mind up love

ThatBloodyWoman · 02/04/2015 09:10

I know people who have dc's at school,don't work,and still have 'help' in the house.
Its a fucking hard life for some,eh?

treaclesoda · 02/04/2015 09:18

Leaving aside the fact that no one likes to listen to someone with 'everyday' problems moaning all the time about how hard their life is, I can't understand the venom towards mothers of school age children who aren't in paid employment. There could be all sorts of reasons why not. I almost took up a job recently but had to decide against it because whilst it was easy to find childcare for my preschooler, I couldn't find a childminder who was able to collect my 8 year old from school. What could I do with her? I couldn't leave her home alone for three hours after school. Nice to know that if both my children were of school age I'd automatically be classed by some as too lazy to work. You really have no idea what is going on in anyone else's home. As long as they're not asking you to pay for it, why would you care? Confused

NancyRaygun · 02/04/2015 09:19

I know people who have dc's at school,don't work,and still have 'help' in the house.

Sounds amazing! That's the dream right?? or am I just lazy

SomewhereIBelong · 02/04/2015 09:21

I am now a SAHM of 2 teens... bite me... don't give a crap if anyone else cares. I was broke and working 4 jobs once.

I now have money in the bank, I now have a house owned outright in my name, - before anybody gives the "your situation is an affair away from penury" talk.

DH earns enough to keep us day to day, I make our life the easy one we love.

But mine is certainly not a full time job.

Meechimoo · 02/04/2015 09:21

Anyone who cares so much what a sahm does or how she defines herself needs to take a good hard look at their motives for that. I don't honestly give a shit what wohms or sahms do and if I did, it would probably be because of jealousy, bitterness or resentment.
It's usually wohms who start these threads and very rarely the other way around.

ThatBloodyWoman · 02/04/2015 09:23

Nancy Grin

Too fucking right.
I'm well jel.

TheWordFactory · 02/04/2015 09:24

I really don't understand this female thing of declaring their life so hard.

A normal, sound minded person would do something else if it were so bad, but a certain section of women seem to want a refelcted glory in doing something so self sacrificial, by choice. More fool them. You only get one life...

The reality is that parenting is not the hardest job ever.

It is not as physically demanding as working down a pit.
It is not as complex as key hole surgery.
It is not as repetitive as most factory work.
It is not as horrible as cleaning sewers.

I mean, seriously...

ssd · 02/04/2015 09:28

I think parenting is the hardest job ever, that's why we all love a moan about it.

desperatedino66 · 02/04/2015 09:29

With you there treacle, I would absolutely love to work, but can't find anyone to collect my 8 year old. My parents live abroad for half the year, so great for half the year for childcare.

I feel useless not being able to go out to work, my DP does not have to lift a finger around the house I do it all.

People need to concentrate on their own lives instead of judging others, a lot of jealousy on this thread.

treaclesoda · 02/04/2015 09:32

TheWordFactory I agree. I think it is a weirdly female trait to always be boasting/complaining (delete as appropriate) about how much busier we are than the next person.

But I wonder if it is as a result of the fact that women judge each other so harshly?

popalot · 02/04/2015 09:36

well confused, I have to say I know at least one person like that with one child (at school) who is sahm and spends most of the day moaning about the weather and having a cold and I have caught myself thinking 'but you have all day to yourself!!! What is there to moan about?' It is hard when you work and then have to do the housework/childcare stuff too and someone doesn't have the extra load of work (I work during school hours) moans like that.

But then I think about how lonely she must be without people to talk to, how she might be finding the day hard because she has to spend some of it cleaning and not get thanked by hubby when he comes home and that she might value herself in a different way to other women and that might make her feel low. After the initial envy and the fantasy that she spends the day snoozing and drinking hot chocolate, I realise that she probably has the same irritations in life that I do at work. Her washing might break down. Her house might be beautifully clean until her child comes home from school. She might spend ages making tea and no-one seems to notice. And she's doing it all so that she is 100% available to her family whenever they need her. I'd say it's a sacrifice I couldn't make.

As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. We all have different motivations. But we are all women.

funnyossity · 02/04/2015 09:37

Reading others competitive statuses on social media is the problem here. Block 'em and stay serene in your own choices.

Writerwannabe83 · 02/04/2015 09:39

If I was a SAHP to teens I would feel mortified if I sent DH out to work everyday to earn enough to "keep us" just so I could have an easy life.

How is that fair?

Surely both parents having part time jobs is fairer? Not one parent doing full time and the other doing nothing?

AngryBeaver · 02/04/2015 09:40

Are you fucking kidding me?
After the day I've had? Even my husband knows he's got it good in comparison.

Writerwannabe83 · 02/04/2015 09:43

Why, what's happened?

KidLorneRoll · 02/04/2015 09:44

As someone who has done the sahp thing, as well as being a working parent to a sahp, it's clearly not a job. It's nowhere near as difficult and it's twice as much fun. It is, in fact, being a parent.

It's doing a list of tasks most of which need to be done anyway and spending time with your kids doing fun stuff. Last time I was at work, I didn't get to spend 30 minutes tickling a tiny person's feet or making cupcakes.

morethanpotatoprints · 02/04/2015 09:44

Of course its a full time job sometimes.
It is for me atm, but come september it will be pt as my dd won't be here half the time.

differentnameforthis · 02/04/2015 09:48

But there are a lot of times where I think people just need to count their blessings and stop complaining about every little thing

you said it yourself....stop complaining about what others are doing/saying!

NoRockandRollFun · 02/04/2015 09:49

surely both parents having part time jobs is fairer? yes but some of us have realised we have screwed up our careers by staying at home for a few years. Both parents working pt would be an ideal, and was our plan before DPs work refused to let him. finding it hard to get a job that would fit with childcare now hence my Q to OP about what she did for work.

sparechange · 02/04/2015 09:51

And if SAHMs are moaning, (I haven't seen it) why can't they moan sometimes?

You've honestly never seen any of the threads along the lines of 'I'm a SAHM but I still think DH should do his share of chores and cleaning. I'm a mother, not a housekeeper'?

There was one yesterday where the OP thought her DH was being really unreasonable because he wanted her to iron his shirts. And the majority of replies agreed that if you have a child to look after, that totally absolves you of having to do laundry during the day Hmm

SomewhereIBelong · 02/04/2015 09:51

"If I was a SAHP to teens I would feel mortified if I sent DH out to work everyday to earn enough to "keep us" just so I could have an easy life."

hahahaha.... never crosses my mind to be mortified. Mind you - the idea of "sending" him out to work is laughable. He loves his job, he loves the fact that "life" is dealt with, and all he has to do is his job, then WE have all the time in the world left for hobbies/leisure/etc.

He does not feel hard done by compared to his friends who seem to spend all weekend doing half the cooking/housework/DIY/laundry/banking/holiday plans etc, and still being whinged at.

My "doing nothing" bit doing everything except earning the money is appreciated.
(WE have an easy life - not I)

Delatron · 02/04/2015 09:51

Two people doing part time jobs are normally going to earn far less than one person in a full time job. By their nature, part time jobs are normally less well paid.

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