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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think SAHMs should stop referring to this as "a full time job"?

552 replies

ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 20:50

Ok I'm probably going to get pulled apart for this, but this really gets under my skin. Every time I go on facebook or twitter there are a barrage of statuses/comments from friends who are SAHM going on about how busy and hectic their lives are and how "being a mother is a full time job", and it's driving me insane! I'm sorry but it's just not, is it? I was a single mother who home schooled, and ran my own business full time, and managed to get through every day without any sort of time travel devise. I am aware everyone does things differently and I'm possibly over reacting, but seriously if you only have a couple of kids, a supportive partner and don't have to work, in the grand scheme of things you have it pretty good and should probably stop endlessly telling the world how hard your life is. (and breath!)

OP posts:
ResurrectAndEatShitChoc · 02/04/2015 01:37

I can't wait to pay someone to watch my son Grin

3 years as a single mum with no job or partner has done me in. I need adult humans around and need to do something for me.

If I don't work I will be that scrounging single mum who can't afford the kid she has

If I do then I'm that single mum who can't even be stars raising her own child and throws money at a stranger to do it

Either way people get judged so do what the fuck you want

Ratfinkandbobo · 02/04/2015 01:40

Resurrect, sadly that is true, single parents can't win.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/04/2015 01:45

Either way people get judged so do what the fuck you want Star

Mrsfrumble · 02/04/2015 03:50

Ratfink you were rather more gracious than me! Blush

I should stay away from these threads...

Ratfinkandbobo · 02/04/2015 03:59

Bloody hell, it was hot in there Mrs! You were right though, about the child care blah blah Grin

IceniMist · 02/04/2015 04:11

I'll get ripped to bits but I'll say it, I often get the feeling that SAHPs are so because they don't want to go to work, children come along, and they have the option not to, rather than doing it because it is the best for their family overall.

Ratfinkandbobo · 02/04/2015 04:16

Iceni, take cover!

IceniMist · 02/04/2015 04:20

Arh I have a long journey home tomorrow (18 hours) on top of a working day. I won't see any replies. So I can say it and forget!

Mrsfrumble · 02/04/2015 04:48

I'll admit that I'm currently a SAHM because I wanted the chance to live in the US for a bit rather than because of ideological reasons. Being able to stay at home for a few years while the DCs are tiny was a nice side effect.

I think, when being truly honest, very few women make the "choice" based on ideology. Although some may claim they're doing the best for their children, or their feminist principles, or whatever, I think most are post-rationalizing a position that they ended up in through circumstance.

Athrawes · 02/04/2015 05:17

I don't mind the SAHMs whose kids are not at school, it is full time and respecting that I paid my childminder well for the valuable job she did for me and my son.
However, the ones whose kids are in school, that's not work. That's spending all day doing what the rest of us manage to do between 7:30 pm and bedtime. That's just staying home and hoping that someone else will keep paying for you.

my2centsis · 02/04/2015 05:23
Biscuit
Titsalinabumsquash · 02/04/2015 05:25

So basically, the op logged into Facebook, saw people complaining about having a hard day as a SAHP even though she feels her life is harder...

News flash op, it happens all the fucking time with every single subject in the world, here are a few to demonstrate,

Facebook friend - my child has a cold/d&v bug I'm knackered, I hate seeing them Unwell.

Another person - I'm sick of people moaning about everyday illnesses, my child has cancer, Aibu to think you should count your blessings?!

Facebook friend - my job is hard, I'm tired and I hate my boss, I only get minimum wage.

Another person - well boohoo, I got made redundant and now I can't feed my kids or pay my rent, I wish I had your low paid, shitty job.

Facebook friend - my husband didn't put the toilet seat down, what a shit.

Another person - my husband is screwing his secretary and hits me when he feels like it, I wish toilet seats were my only issue.

Do you see?! Everyone is different, life is different, we cope differently and there will always be someone worse off and better off than you. Some people express this via the medium of Facebook. Who the hell are you to judge if a SAHM has had a rough day juggling childcare, food prep, home admin, housework etc? The last time you vented to a friend about something, they could have been thinking that they have it worse. Get over yourself.

Arsenic · 02/04/2015 05:51

I don't mind the SAHMs whose kids are not at school

That's awfully magnanimous of you rawes. I'm sorry I didn't bump into you in my SAHM days. Your 'not minding' me would have been heartwarming Hmm

Mrsstarlord · 02/04/2015 06:36

TinLizzie - well done! You win the award for the most predictable post of the week.
Full of old familiar assumptions and judgements, completely sexist and misinformed.
Because all working women have foreign holidays, own 4x4s and neglect their kids. Working women are responsible for the breakdown of society. We can all afford to stay at home and allow our husbands to earn enough to keep our families afloat. We just choose not to because we would rather neglect our kids. The economy and public sector services can manage the brain and labour drain of all the women retreating into the home. Hmm

fourteen · 02/04/2015 06:59

TinLizzie GrinGrinGrin

Hilarious!

On that basis, I "bring up" 30 kids in my P1 class. Gosh I deserve a medal for that!

Love it

fourteen · 02/04/2015 07:03

I see the cunts are out in force this morning.

needaholidaynow · 02/04/2015 07:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FennyBridges · 02/04/2015 07:10

OP you also sound like you did a poor job of doing EVERYTHING myself as a mere mortal (working FT) can't manage. If you ran a business and did the SAHM thing, how could you possibly have home educated your children? I know teachers who spend hours and hours over planning, preparation and marking for other people's children, let alone their own. So basically I'm saying you sound totally judgemental, but now I'm judging you. A school could have educated your children better, because you sound too busy to.

womaninthewildsofwales · 02/04/2015 07:11

I used to be out at work 8-6 every day, some days making a trip to London meaning a 5am start and getting off the train at 10.30pm. I paid someone to clean and look after my older children and worked myself into the ground. Now I have a new baby, I've given up work and I'm in charge of the house and the children. Believe me, working was a piece of cake in comparison.
And btw, homeschooling doesn't make you a perfect parent- I am going out on a limb to say that if you were working and homeschooling then one must have suffered- and if the business was successful then I would possibly doubt the rounded education of your children. :-/

Writerwannabe83 · 02/04/2015 07:23

Not being able to call in sick is a DEFINITE downside to being at home. I'm feeling like crap, I have been really ill over the last two days, and am now trying to look after a 1 year old when all I want to do is go to bed.

Whereas if today was one of my rostered days at work then DS would be with the CM, I'd phone in sick and then spend the day on the sofa under my quilt and resting in peace. Bliss.

Not being able to have sick leave or annual leave as a SAHP must be pretty rubbish.

Blueskybrightstar · 02/04/2015 07:24

It's a sad state of affairs when there are women out there who put eachother down because they think life is a competition, are jealous, or just want to feel superior. It's tragic fishwifery at its best and a complete embarrassment.

MrsKoala · 02/04/2015 07:37

As others have said whether it's harder to be at home with the dc depends entirely on the dc you have and the job you are comparing it to.

My DC are very difficult, so difficult it even makes me hanker for a hideous call centre job i had, with people timing my toilet breaks and wearing headsets listening in to my calls while standing behind me shouting.

Personally i do see it as my job from 8-6. I try to care for the children how i would like to pay some fun loving educational nanny/CM to (it requires quite a lot of fake smiling and shrill faux excitement and booze ). I am saving the family £400 per month by doing this and enabling DH to work 3 jobs, therefore we consider that money 'earned' by me in the same way a job would. After those hours and weekends i loosen up, feed them chocolate and let them watch peppa pig.

To those saying how easy it is to be a SAHM, you must realise all dc are different and some take rather a lot more care than others? When you get asked to leave every toddler group and public place you go and walk home sobbing, the call centre starts to look very appealing.

Rabbishes · 02/04/2015 08:53

MrsK Flowers my DS has challenging behaviours too, I've been on the receiving end of stares and comments, on a bad day my DH admits he goes to work for a rest!

As for the thread, is it not the case that we all do a 7am to 10pm day regardless of whether we're a SAHM or WOHM? It's not for you, I, or anyone else to say whose work is hardest, more valid, or more worthy.

And an an aside, to a comment made earlier in the thread, I am a childminder and I am no ones 'employee'. I am a self-employed professional, you choose to use my services on my terms, you do not employ me.

Purplepixiedust · 02/04/2015 09:04

I haven't read all the posts and will come back to them later.

I think having pre school kids and being a SAHM is like having a full time job or maybe just like being a parent of pre school kids. I am not a fan of the phrase either OP, even though I think they work bloody hard and it's never ending.

I think SAHMs of school age kids have it pretty easy but then they aren't usually the ones making the comment.

NancyRaygun · 02/04/2015 09:04

My kids have no particular challenging behaviours other than just being demanding - as kids are. When they were younger my DH freely admitted that work was a peaceful release. It was a lonely, isolating, unrewarding slog being at home with 2 under 2 . Now mine are a bit older (but not at school before anyone "minds") being at home is definitely easier than being at work - I have leisurely showers, read the papers, have time to get some contacts going for when I do return to work. Done jobs round the house that I have wanted to do for years. Although it can be very dull, I think that's the biggest downside for me. Lots of plusses though.

A bit like at work: sometimes you have a manic time with deadlines or pressures and sometimes you can shoot the breeze and surf the web.

I agree Rabbishes MOTHERS and FATHERS are on duty "full time" whether they go out to work or not.

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