to think SAHMs should stop referring to this as "a full time job"?

[ConfusedintheNorth]

Ok I'm probably going to get pulled apart for this, but this really gets under my skin. Every time I go on facebook or twitter there are a barrage of statuses/comments from friends who are SAHM going on about how busy and hectic their lives are and how "being a mother is a full time job", and it's driving me insane! I'm sorry but it's just not, is it? I was a single mother who home schooled, and ran my own business full time, and managed to get through every day without any sort of time travel devise. I am aware everyone does things differently and I'm possibly over reacting, but seriously if you only have a couple of kids, a supportive partner and don't have to work, in the grand scheme of things you have it pretty good and should probably stop endlessly telling the world how hard your life is. (and breath!)

Surely it's a different kettle of fish being a SAHM to pre-schoolers and to those at school?

I worked part-time with my DC1 and we had a whale of a time. Having a toddler and a baby is hard work for anyone, but most of us are either on maternity leave or SAHMs while a baby is under one. So those tough times are common to pretty much all mothers.

I was then an accidental SAHM for a few years. My husband works away a lot, so I was often on my own or days on end. I longed for time 'off'. And it came so quickly. Nursery two mornings a week quickly turned into pre-school then school.

Those times of longing for a coffee on my own or a chance to shop in peace quickly became the norm.

There is sod all to do between 9 and 3 when your kids are at school. I batch cooked one day a week. I did a load of laundry most days. And I swept the floor and did a quick tidy every morning. I was done by 10am.

I got a part-time job before DS2 was 5 and now work full-time hours but flexibly, so I (mostly) collect my children from school. I still have to do all the housework and child-related things that SAHMs do. I have to serve breakfast, do laundry, make evening meals and snacks, supervise homework, take to clubs, attend medical appointments and school events. I still have to sew on nametapes and badges from swimming, gym and beavers. I get the food delivered and it takes ten minutes to put away. I used to go to the supermarket for something to do ...

Just as when I was at home with pre-schoolers I rarely finish before 9pm. Sometimes it's much harder, sometimes it's less hard. It's not a competition.

But I do get fed up when SAHMs (with school age children) tell me their lot is harder. Or they wibble on about not being paid for their work at home. No, looking after your children is parenting. You don't get paid. We all have to cook and clean. My daytime's just more interesting than cleaning curtains .

Yeah I dipped in and out of temp placements when I first started working for myself during quiet patches and when money was really short.

But I do get fed up when SAHMs (with school age children) tell me their lot is harder. Or they wibble on about not being paid for their work at home. No, looking after your children is parenting. You don't get paid. We all have to cook and clean. My daytime's just more interesting than cleaning curtains

Someone had to drag it back down

Personally I found being at home with the kids much easier than working + having to look after house and children.

Yes, while you are physically at work someone else is looking after the kids, but you still have to loads of childcare and housework but in less time.

Those saying a SAHM starts work at 7am and isn't finished til 10pm - well it's exactly the same for a WOHM except with extra stress of getting children to childcare and back. You still have to come home, cook, feed, clean, put to bed, do the laundry etc.

The upside of work might be the 30 minute lunch break, but I'd prefer to have the two hour nap at home!

Sorry confused, I didn't mean to imply that you did. Just wanted to illustrate that it's all relative, isn't it?

People who moan constantly about their lives are indeed tiresome. I try and give the ones I know the benefit of the doubt and assume they have stuff going on that I don't know about (and then hide them from my Facebook).

Good point. Most 'full time job's only require you to put in 40 hours a week. I know some people do put in more, some people work 60 hour weeks. Often some of that is overtime but in some cases, no, you have a job to do and you don't get paid more if it takes a bit longer than the standard working day.

STHMs often put in 84 hours a week. Sometimes more. No overtime, no days off but quite a few perks when you and your child/ren are giggling at something, or you witness them learning something new. Or the occasional bear hug.

Over the years, I've worked FT, PT and been a SAHM. They were all hard in different ways. I found WOH mentally demanding, but challenging and rewarding. Being a SAHM is physically demanding, but I'm completely unchallenged mentally and I find that hard. The monotony of being a SAHM is tiring in itself, but it reduces anxiety in terms of looking after them when they're sick. Having been a SAHM for a few years now, I'd quite like to be a WOHM. I think it's a case of the grass always being greener.

A WOHM is still doing 84+ hours a week though aren't they - 40 at work and the rest doing the same as a SAHM. It's not like a working parent just clocks off at 5pm and someone else does the rest of the work.

It's ok MrsFrumble I know what you meant, I do have to wonder sometimes why it does bother me, I think I'm still a little angry on behalf at my past self lol. I was very young and just got on with things and probably didn't get all the help I should have ( for example I didn't claim housing benefit for 5 years because no one told me I could and I assumed because I was working I couldn't). I should probably be past it now as now I do lead a rather charmed life, yes I do work hard and we certainly aren't "well off" by any standard, but I have a great partner, see my kids all the time and have a fantastic job, I'm really very luck, but then I probably only appreciate that as much as I do because of where I've come from in the past.

Why I am dragging back down Arsenic?

It's true. Whether or not one parent is at home or not, the same household tasks need to be done.

I've been a SAHM. I'm not slagging off the idea of being a SAHM but I can't be doing with the moaning.

Being a SAHM is absolutely a full time job! I work outside the home and am on holiday. So, now I have a weeks holiday, I am desperately trying to cram everything in. I have spent the entire day washing and ironing, trying to tidy the house, hoovering and other stuff. My kids haven't had any quality time with me, but have just taken themselves off to the park today for a little while.
If I was a SAHM, I would hope that my time would be well enough organised to have actually spent some nice time with my children and taught them something.
My trouble is, I'm trying to do 2 full time jobs and a part time job and I am not doing any of them very well!

I'm not slagging off the idea of being a SAHM

I beg to differ Fog. What was your remark about curtains?

Fog, maybe people moan because they feel undervalued and would quite like the recognition and acknowledgment that working brings. Being a SAHM can really zap confidence and self-esteem after a while. Being in paid employment seems like a great idea to me at the moment. You can get stuck in a rut as a SAHP and not know how to move forward. We all have a right to complain sometimes.

Arsenic, earlier on in the thread someone commented that when your children go to school and you stay at home you no longer have an excuse for ignoring stuff like curtains.

Georgehater, do moan about things that aren't great, but (if your children are at school) don't tell me you have so much more housework or parenting to do than I have. The children wear the same amount of clothes. They need the same number of meals.

I also really resent the suggestion made by some SAHMs - organisations like MAHM - that mothers who work out of the home aren't parenting properly.

I would never moan about having too much work to do at home if my dc were all in school. I wasn't aware that this thread was about SAHMs with all of their children in school.

I refer you to the first sentence of my first post

Surely it's a different kettle of fish being a SAHM to pre-schoolers and to those at school?

After the day I've had I'd rather be at bloody work than at home

Ok. But again I state my problem: on mumsnet working mums are often cast aside or talked down to because 'they don't work 14 hours a day'. We do. We get up, get ready for work, get our children up, get them ready, make their lunches, test them on their spelling, take them to school, go to work, pick kids up, take them home, deal with homework, make dinner, shower the kids, do reading with the kids, put the kids to bed, do the dishes, put on a load of washing, tidy up, iron clothes for the morning, do stuff for work, bed (12/1ish). That is damn hard.

I agree Twinkle, I've never been a sahm, my eldest is 25 and twins are 6. I'm bloody knackered! Why are working mums put down?

Strikes me that most people posting on here should stay child-free, cos they can't be arsed to raise a child and find them too "boring" (poor sods)!. Who to blame when said child doesn't conform to your views, but does to your 'childminder's'??!! If your child has been to someone else for the majority of time, then who is to blame if it doesn't have the same view on the world that you do?

Who brought up your child? You or your 'employee'?

Oh FFS. If you have children then the least you can do is BRING THEM UP! If that means they don't get stunning holidays every year and a 4x4 to take them to school to save their little leggies, then so be it. If they're fed and watered and are loved, then that's enough.

But don't blame the childminder's influence if they don't turn out the way you want! YOU didn't bring them up - someone else did. Feel free to bask in the glory of work (cos that REALLY matters) and be sad that work didn't actually recognise your contribution as being important enough when they boot your arse out of the door and don't look back.

Hey Tin, I work nights, sadly finances have dictated that I have to work.
When my 2 eldest were younger I worked in a pre school, so no child care needed, holidays off etc. I only worked school hours in term time.
I now work nights and between me and dp have al for all the holidays. I sleep when they at school. I've never used child care, and brought my kids up myself. Still bloody knackering juggling it all. This seems to be a very emotive subject, live and let live.

I suppose it was only a matter of time before someone pulled the "why bother having kids if you're not going to look after them" card out of their arse, wasn't it?

Now we just need "nurseries damage children", "SAHMs leech of their husbands" and "mothers who don't WOH are setting a poor example for their daughters" and I believe we have a full house!

TinLizzie, I shall relay your passionate viewpoint to my DH when he returns from his 12 hour day at the office. I get the impression you weren't talking about fathers though, were you? Because these tedious, shitty arguments never do....

Mrs x posts!