To plan on living close to DD when she's grown up and ask your plans

[FallingDeeper]

For when your DC no longer live at home?

My parents died when I was quite young so I'm fascinated by how grown up DC interact with their parents.

If that sounds weird, bear with me

DH hasn't lived closer than two hours drive from his divorced parents since he went to university - and often much further away. He gets on fine with them but only speaks to them every couple of months and we see them three or four times a year for a day. I just can't imagine having that kind of relationship with DD when she's an adult.

Do you live close to your parents and, if not, why? Can you envisage only seeing your DC a handful of times when they are grown up?

I agree about living close enough for a coffee or lunch.My DM , very difficult and recently widowed lives an eight hour drive away .I am effectively an only child as db lives abroad .Its very difficult because we can only really go down for several days at a time , and it's useless in an emergency .It seemed a good idea I am sure 10 years ago to move away from family and retire too beautiful part of the country but it's a pain now

When my dd was about to marry dh and I were looking to downsize to a bungalow. We lived in North Yorkshire and dd in Shropshire. Dd asked us if we could consider moving near her as she hoped to start a family soon.
We eventually moved about 7 miles away from her and it has worked very well for all of us.
I never lived nearer than 2 hours from my own parents and I tried to visit every few weeks. I see dd 2/3 times a week as I look after dgs regularly.
I wouldn't have moved so near unless I had been asked.

Upthechimney - DD and I already have boundaries. She has time alone, time with friends and time doing her team sport. She also respects that I need a lot of time alone. I wouldn't impose on her. I'm leaving this village when I retire anyway (beautiful place to raise DD but don't want to spend the rest of my life here).

How will I make new friends? Walking the dog, volunteering at animal shelter, ramblers group, painting classes. Plus I'm pretty self-contained so don't need a lot of company. DH has a couple of hobbies that are quite sociable.

I'm talking about living fairly close to her, not camping outside her bedroom door

I prefer it if my children go forth into the world and flourish with barely a backward glance at me.
I'm there if they need me but I also have my own life and I don't want them to feel in any way held back or constrained by me. ?

I live near my mum she has never interfered or crowded us she respects boundaries tbf her mum lived near too 2 or 3 members of my extended family leave near by i like it

I come from a small Island so in many ways feel I had no choice but to move away (although many of my school friends still live there).
My mum is still there so sometimes we go years without seeing each other, although she does visit more frequently since DS came along. My dad lives in England now, but South, whereas I am North do I don't see him very frequently either.
I should visit them both more often than I do, I should certainly go home more often as I have lovely friends there, but it's just one of those things.

I do worry about what will happen if either of my parents gets very sick, especially my dad if his wife dies before him as he's just not equipt to be on his own bless him. But I've always supposed I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. My brother lives abroad and isn't exactly responsible so he wouldn't be much help.

Of course I want my DS to decide to stay near by, but he's only 8 months old now so I can't even envisage leaving him for a few hours, let alone permanently, but on the other hand I want him to follow his dreams and go wherever they may take him (unless it's the army in which case that ain't ever gonna happen! )

I certainly wouldnt want to be a factor in his decisions about what he's going to do with his life.

My inlaws are overseas and won't even visit us, so they're effectively out of the picture for what you are talking about.

My Mum died a few years ago, but my Dad moved countries to be close to us and our children and it's GREAT. I'm an only child and he knows that we won't live in one country for very long and he is receptive to trailing around after us, within reason. He's not keen on living in the US, for instance, but if we moved to India for a year (just for a random example) he would genuinely consider coming too. Not to live WITH us, but in the same neighbourhood, for instance. He values being close to us above all else, and he is very nice, so I'm happy to have him around. :) He's also great with the children and provides lots of childcare!

Our parents moved closer to us once we had children. We did not consider it strange or stalking. One benefit has been that they have been very involved with their grandchildren. An evolving one is that we are on hand now they are getting frailer.

Glad to hear that other families find it natural and positive to want to live close to their parents it might not suit everyone but I hope DD will want it too. If not, we'll just blow her inheritance by living between California and Boston during our retirement!

I figure the best thing to do is to visualize a future where I have a secure and welcoming home that all three can visit if and when they want to. They will have to decide themselves whether their own homes are near or far. That's not my decision

I'm of the same opinion. I love where I live and I hope that dc will choose to make their home in the same place...but they could settle in their Uni town or travel then move abroad...who knows.

I don't intend to move to them though...just make sure they always have a place to come back to.

I am in thick of parenting at the moment 3 DC aged 2 - 10. Once the DC are older I'm looking forward to building a life with DH full of the things we enjoyed before we had kids. Hoping we'll get back to that keeps me going.

My happiest picture would be Dh and I pottering about, weekends away, (no school holiday prices!), going to the theatre and cinema whenever we choose. The 3 DC settled wherever they choose with regularish visits to/from each of them. I certainly will give them no expectations of having us for Christmas, accompanying them on holidays etc...not sure if I'd even want to tbh given the horror stories on here. I love my children dearly and hope we remain close but I like DH too and also my own space.

We are likely to need to sell the family home to finance retirement which makes me a bit sad as I'd love to be able to still provide a base for everyone to meet if they wanted to.

But life has a way of intervening so really I just hope everyone remains healthy and happy as long as possible, whereever we/they are.

I lived round the corner from my dm and rarely saw her whereas my sister lived abroad and she visited her several times a year. So living close has no bearing on how close your are in your relationship.

I moved 250 miles away from home to go to university. That was 10 years ago and I have settled here, married a man from the area and am expecting our first DC. My DM has spoken on a couple of occasions about moving up here and although I'd be happy for her to be closer to her grandchild I wouldn't want her living down the road and being able to pop in whenever she likes. DHs grandparents have always done that to the in-laws and I just find it a bit stifling.

I also don't really see it happening. DM is 61, in a minimum wage job and has 10 years left on her mortgage. I don't think she could afford to live here and she would be like a duck out of water. She wouldn't know anybody other than the in-laws and I think she would be very lonely and therefore I'd be under a lot of pressure to 'look after her'. I would rather she stayed where she is, with her friends (and my DB who still lives with her and is likely to stay local). I just can't envisage her being happy up here.

I live a few doors down from my parents and have always lived within a street or two of them. I have 2 DCs and they have provided me with much needed childcare and -shockhorror- actually ask to have them even when they don't need to

I love my parents, I don't think I'd necessarily live so close if I didn't have children but I can't deny how wonderful it is that my DC have such a close bond with their grandparents. My parents also don't interfere in my life, but that's because I'm quite an independant personality and always have been.

Ex in laws live a few streets away and are always asking to babysit, Ex lives a street away with his new family so access to the kids is very easy and fluid. I love that we all live close by

DH and I have stayed in our hometowns, hence still live close to both sets of parents. I have worked abroad and lived away for uni, so it's not that I haven't experienced the world. But...I've concluded that family is the most important thing of all.

I love spending time with my mum, grown up siblings and their partners (both as whole family gatherings with all the kids, and socialising just as adults at the pub or to concerts etc). Also get on great with the PIL, my DH's brother and his wife (socialise with them too), I often drop by there with the kids while DH is at work so the kids can spend time with them and vice versa. We have a lot of holidays with the PIL and all have a great time, more so than if we holidayed alone. So, we have no plans to move away.

Obviously I have no control over my own DCs decisions, but naturally I'd be pleased if they chose to stay close to us. I love how close Italian families often seem to be, and our family is a bit like that I suppose.

My son can choose to live wherever he likes. I'm not planning to move near him unless he specifically asks me to.

I have a friend whose DC live in different continents. They all have a great relationship and get on marvellously well. My mum lives 20 minutes away from us but we see her as little as possible.