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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mils

107 replies

Pyjamasandwine · 01/04/2015 14:50

I am a nice mil. I adore my dil. I had a nice mil. I adored my mil. Please tell me aibu to think this is common? Who has a nice mil. Who is a nice mil? Who gets on with their dil?

OP posts:
ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 14:54

My MIL is awesome... in fact I still get on great with my ex-MIL... maybe I was just lucky lol

mostlyconfused · 01/04/2015 14:54

I have a nice MIL. We mostly get on really well. However , she does drive me crazy at time and I'm sure I annoy her also.

FlyingPirate · 01/04/2015 14:58

My MIL is a wonderful woman. Very kind and caring. She welcomed me into the family and I've never had any problems building a relationship with her. My SIL seems to feel the same about her too.

ChickenDipper22 · 01/04/2015 14:59

My MIL is fab. She made DP who he is today and I love her for that. She would do anything for her kids and is just a lovely woman all in all. We get on brilliantly Smile

DownAtFraggleRock · 01/04/2015 15:00

Mine was lovely, a really nice lady.

I married her youngest son and at our wedding she said 'that's it, all my babies are settled, my job is done' Grin

loveulotslikejellytots · 01/04/2015 15:03

I have a lovely MIL. I found her overbearing to start with and a bit interfering. But once I realised why she is like that, it's fine. DH is her only child. His Dad used to work away a lot. From the ages of 10 - 18 they lived on their own, apart from when FIL came home.

He moved out at 19 and she continued to 'look after' him, but her Mum did exactly the same. She's actually done a pretty good job of raising a self sufficient man (who cleans the bathroom a lot better than I can). I think I found it difficult because she is so much different to my mum. I'd just grown up thinking 'my family' was normal when actually, DH's are pretty great too and I actually like a lot of their 'ways'.

Wouldn't change her for the world. She bends over backwards for us and I think she'll be a fantastic Nanna to our kids (when we have them).

carabos · 01/04/2015 15:03

First MiL was a horror. Her mantra seemed to be "what would Elizabeth do?" - Elizabeth being The Queen Grin. She was well and truly stuck in the 1950s and expected that I would be grateful to be absorbed into the borg-like structure of her family. S he was a major factor in my divorce 25 years ago, but sadly still turns up on my doirstep occasionally Shock.

MiL2 is much better. Now a bit demented, she has always been loving and generous and kind, accepting me and DS1 (not her DGC) into her life wholeheartedly.

I'm A MiL to be - DS1 got engaged two weeks ago, and I am determined to be a lovely MiL Wink.

ginmakesitallok · 01/04/2015 15:08

My mil is pretty fabulous, she looks after my dc 3 days a week and they love her to bits. Of course she has her annoying side( the racism and homophobia are a bit hard to handle!) but she's generally great

MyCatIsAGit · 01/04/2015 15:08

Ace MIL, friendly, welcoming, funny and cooks a mean roast.

Ratfinkandbobo · 01/04/2015 15:11

Found you! I love my mil, she has a great sense of humour and we get on brilliantly, we often go to theatre, cinema etc together. She has never seen me as a 'threat' and my dp lived with her until he met me. I am older than dp and had 2young teen dcs she has always included and accepted them. I've read so many mil horror stories on here, I'm so relieved she is not like that! It must be nightmare to have an over bearing, controlling mil. I'm so luckyEaster Smile

TheJiminyConjecture · 01/04/2015 15:12

Mine is awful but I know plenty of lovely ones. (Including my own mum who is really close to my brother's partners). Every time there's a shocking mil op on here we get a thread like this and I love to see the other side.

hesterton · 01/04/2015 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ · 01/04/2015 15:15

My first was a not so nice lady!

My second was wonderful!

My third is great apart from a tendency to override my rules and spoil the DC. She lives a 3 hour drive away, so that's ok!

SuperMumTum · 01/04/2015 15:15

My MIL is a lovely, kind person. However we have very different personalities and I find her too overbearing to be around much. I think DP finds my parents very different from his own and struggles similarly. To resolve this we each do our own thing with our families except at xmas and it seems to work well. I know MIL would like a closer relationship with me but I just can't bear her being so emotional and desperate so I avoid her tbh.

HoldenCaulfield80 · 01/04/2015 15:18

I love my MiL. She's hard work sometimes but would do anything for anyone and has a heart of gold!

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 01/04/2015 15:19

Mine is lovely. We are very different people, though, and we see DH in very different ways. DH isn't close to her, which means I'm not close to MiL, but she is a good grandmother and I feel very lucky compared to some of the stories I hear from friends and on here

Ohfourfoxache · 01/04/2015 15:19

I have to admit that I get very jealous and actually a bit resentful at threads like these. I'd do anything (and have tried everything) to have a good relationship with my mil. The sad reality is that she and FIL couldn't give a fuck about DH let alone me Sad

ChampagneTastes · 01/04/2015 15:19

Although I'm not overly fond of my MIL (she's a bit UKIP for me), she is an EXCELLENT grandmother and clearly dotes on my DS. I try to keep that in mind whenever she's rubbing me up the wrong way. And I try to remember that I probably irritate her just as much as she irritates me! We're just very different - nothing wrong with that.

MaidOfStars · 01/04/2015 15:20

Mine was lovely. I liked her very much.

FickleByNurture · 01/04/2015 15:25

Mine is brilliant. I can natter away to her as if she's my own mother and we can share a kitchen without squabbling.

She occasionally misses the mark with her gestures though but I know she means well.

PlasticCircus · 01/04/2015 15:26

My MIL is a very nice person and a lovely grandmother to my son. She is very friendly and we have never had a disagreement. However, I am not especially close (we're not friends or anything outside the MIL/ DIL relationship) as we're very different people but she is lovely and I never dread seeing her.

babybythesea · 01/04/2015 15:27

Mines brilliant. She lives in New Zealand so I don't see her often, but when I do we have to stay there, so we stay with her for a month in a small 2 bedroom flat and it's fine. She could resent me for the fact that her son now lives a zillion miles away largely because of me. She could find it hard to give up privacy and peace and quiet. If she does, it doesn't show. She welcomes me in, treats me as if I'm one of the family and this year told me that a ring she wears will be mine one day as it ought to go to her 'fourth daughter' (DH has 3 older sisters). She obviously does judge some of the things I do with my kids but although she's made a couple of comments they are really low key and if I disagree with her she doesn't mention it again. And i think it's fair enough to have differing opinions and to say so - she's not unpleasant or difficult about it.

I wish she was nearer. She's ace. We're hoping she'll come to visit at some point and if she does it will be for 2 or 3 months to make the expense worth it. Can't wait.

Underthedeepblueocean · 01/04/2015 15:28

Never met mine - she died when DH was 17. He adored her though and our daughters middle name is hers.

Bearfrills · 01/04/2015 15:28

My DM is a good MIL. She made DH welcome into our family, always remembers his birthday and Christmas, doesn't overstep the mark, and dotes on the DC. She does the same with my brothers' DPs.

My own MIL on the other hand is pure poison.

It's nice to hear there are good MILs and I think the majority are this way. The reason there seem to be so many horrible MILs when you read MN is because you have a self - selecting sample. The people who have 'good' MILs are less likely to post AIBU/WWYD threads about them whereas the ones with horrible MILs will post threads asking for advice/wanting to vent. People read them and get the impression that there are loads of horrid MILs.

GunShotResidue · 01/04/2015 15:31

My MIL is amazing. She's one of my closest friends.