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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mils

107 replies

Pyjamasandwine · 01/04/2015 14:50

I am a nice mil. I adore my dil. I had a nice mil. I adored my mil. Please tell me aibu to think this is common? Who has a nice mil. Who is a nice mil? Who gets on with their dil?

OP posts:
PuttingouthefirewithGasoline · 01/04/2015 16:23

Op, this has been done so many times.

Yes there are wonderful mils out there, yes there are lovley dils out there.

However you are usually only going to hear about the bad ones on here, because people want to vent/advice/help and so on.

TheJiminyConjecture · 01/04/2015 16:24

Arf at having a child with Mil's DH. That's one way to shake up family dynamics Grin

BigbyWolf · 01/04/2015 16:27

My MIL is awesome!

She is funny, kind, helpful, mad as a box of frogs (like me) and never tries to interfere. She loves our dds and they absolutely love spending time with her.
She stays with us quite often and goes on lots of days out with us. We've been on holiday with her several times too and it's always a pleasure.

Oh, and she's doubly awesome for raising such a fantastic son! Grin

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 01/04/2015 16:28

PuttingouthefirewithGasoline

Op, this has been done so many times so what? Hmm

Most threads on Mumsnet have been done to death one way or another, nothing wrong with a thread like this.

OhTheDrama · 01/04/2015 16:28

I really like my MIL, she can be a bit distant at times but that's just her. She's a very generous lady who thinks the world of her grandchildren and generally will do anything she can to help. You have to ask her though, she doesn't offer. I think she's scared of being seen as overstepping as according to DH her own mum was very domineering and drove her up the wall!

gamerwidow · 01/04/2015 16:29

I love my mil she's never made me or my sil feel anything less than a part of the family. If anything she likes me better than dh Grin

Hoppinggreen · 01/04/2015 16:35

I love mine, she is a genuinely nice person and very supportive.
She does piss me off at times but that's just normal - we joke that we get on so well we can even argue!!
I didn't realise how lucky I was until I read some of the threads on here.

ginslinger · 01/04/2015 16:35

My MIL was great and I think I'm ok as a MIL. There don't seem to be any problems or arguments. I do have a lovely DIL though

mowbraygirl · 01/04/2015 16:37

My MIL was a lovely person unfortunately she was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was pregnant with DD who is now 41 and she passed away when DS was 10 months old so sad as DD doesn't remember her.

I have been a MIL for 16 years and hope I am a good one at least my SIL thinks so he has often said to DD I wish my mother was like your mother not that his mother interferes is just so different to me. I get on very well with my DS's partner in fact when pregnant with our little DGS she was asking my advice a lot as to what to buy etc.

Original poster
Pyjamasandwine · 01/04/2015 16:43

putting no bad mil threads are rife in here and we all understand why and try to support and help but when you are a nice mil and gave had a nice mil it's good to redress the balance once in a while so there. Wink

Thank goodness I was beginning to think les Dawson as right. Grin

OP posts:
Discopanda · 01/04/2015 16:55

I had a lovely ex MIL, I still miss her but not my ex.

hellsbellsmelons · 01/04/2015 16:56

Mine was lovely to start with then she had a bit of breakdown phase.
Dropped contact for about 6 months.
Then all was good again.
Until I split up with her DSon.
I still always send birthday, mothers day cards etc... from her GD.
But she doesn't really show much interest.
We've always lived 250 miles away though so it's not easy to visit.

trevortrevorslatterfry · 01/04/2015 17:08

My MIL is a lovely lovely woman Easter Smile

sosix · 01/04/2015 17:13

Mine is horrid, just awful.

BlacknWhitePanda · 01/04/2015 17:13

My mil is amazing. When I was in labour with ds she came to the hospital, popped her head around the door for 5 mins to be polite. Dropped us both sandwiches and then left. When we were home, she used to just drop food parcels outside our door and was like 'not gonna force myself on you'. When we go over she gives me tea and food on tap especially when I started breastfeeding and stuck myself to the sofa.
Even taking ds so I could eat in peace abs enjoy a hot meal.
She's fab.

YellowTulips · 01/04/2015 17:20

I get on with my MIL.

I think MN can get a bit distorted as people only tend to post about the bad things.

Most people I know also get on with their MIL's to various degrees. Some are closer to them than their own mothers and whilst others aren't really going to be best buddies as very different people - they are polite and civil to each other- cos that's what most reasonable adults do to keep the peace Grin

MeerkaRIPSirTerry · 01/04/2015 17:20

Mine (and FIL) are great. always there if needed, really interested in the grandchildren, incredibly supportive. They helped get us through the second HG pregnancy. MIL was there at the birth of both boys.

If I don't speak to her for a week I really miss her. Always a big hug and a kiss. She and FIL are great.

Original poster
Pyjamasandwine · 01/04/2015 20:20

I just think as women we shouldn't be continuing with this totally obnoxious sexist crap about 'oh that's a typical mil' devouring their audit children and hating all dils. Of course done do, most don't.

Boils my piss.

Some women are nice some not. Just like men. Be they sisters, father in laws, brother in laws, aunts etc.

Can I just thank my dil for taking oldest ds off our hands and loving him. I hope he does his best by you and you have a wonderful life together.

Now please is there anyone out there for ds2? Grin

OP posts:
hotfuzzra · 01/04/2015 21:25

My MIL is awesome. She's supportive, kind, generous, totally unintruding (not a word, I know) yet interested, understanding, funny, loving, welcoming. And she cooks amazing things yet still makes me feel my cooking is good too. (It's barely passable but better than her son's, so I guess she's happy one of us is cooking us good food!)
She gets on well with my DM and they have been to a few things together. We've only been married just over a year and have a young baby so I accept we've a long road to go down, however she's mid 70s so I hope to enjoy her for as long as possible.
I'm very lucky.

clairemum22 · 01/04/2015 21:49

my MIL is lovely!

Flingingmelon · 01/04/2015 21:51

Love my MILSmile

BitchBags · 01/04/2015 21:52

My Mil is brilliant and so is step Mil. Mil lives about an hour away and we see her about once a month. Step mil lives a 5 min walk away with fil and we see them about fortnightly. Step mil doesn't have any biological dgc's but she is an amazing nanny to Ds (as is mil :) )
I feel very lucky to have two very lovley mil's

BananaLeaf · 01/04/2015 21:53

Arf at borg-like structure Grin

My MIL is quite a reserved and nervous person and took a very long time to trust me as DH was very hurt by previous partner and they have missed out on a lot of DSD growing up.

Good points - is nice to me, doesn't interfere, lives close but doesn't turn up unannounced, was supportive when I was breastfeeding, will babysit when asked, loves DD.

Bad points - doesn't listen, constantly interrupts, goes on about everyone's weight all the time, is quite negative and pessimistic, gossips a lot about other peoples finances, families, relationships etc, is sexist and racist. Oh and moans about her own DD's bitchy ways to me but won't stand up to her.

I do like her and she doesn't give me any 'trouble' but we are not really on the same wavelength, plus when my mum died she never said anything about it, which I found a bit mean, and when she saw a photo of her all she could say was how slim she was which I found quite shallow.

MarwoodsMate · 01/04/2015 21:55

I'm with you Pyjamas.

Lydiand · 01/04/2015 22:01

My MIL was useless at everything apart from loving people.

I loved her back.