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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my nanny to eat with my son?

82 replies

Milkandmarmite · 31/03/2015 17:41

I live alone with my 2.5yr old DS. I have a nanny who looks after him the days I'm working.

I leave very early (before breakfast) and get home after his tea time.

Aibu to expect/hope that the nanny will eat her meals with him? I can understand not breakfast as she'll probably want that at home
And maybe tea is too early, but surely lunch? At the moment I think she's eating hers when he's down for a nap.

I think it's so important to eat together whenever possible.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 31/03/2015 17:44

My first thought is you're going to need a Kevlar umbrella.

Agirlworthfightingfor · 31/03/2015 17:44

Have you asked?

I don't think there is any harm in asking but you should leave it up to her.

For the record I agree so passionately about sitting down to eat together.

Past few nights children have eaten in the kitchen while I did some cleaning. Tonight we are eating at the big table together and have been sat chatting and eating for 45mins (DCs are 3 and 7 months!) it is so much better.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 31/03/2015 17:44

I think it's important that she's sitting with him when he's eating. You can't really dictate when she eats.

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 31/03/2015 17:44

As long as she's not ignoring your child while she eats her meals, I don't think you can dictate when she has her lunch. I think it's reasonable to say you expect her to physically sit with your DC while they eat though.

FenellaFellorick · 31/03/2015 17:44

Have you talked to her about it?

Perhaps she prefers to give him her attention while he eats and then likes to have a quiet lunch without a toddler diving into it.

I think that if you eat your meals with him when you're with him then it is ok if she prefers to grab a quiet sandwich while he's napping.

threegoingonthirty · 31/03/2015 17:45

Lunch - yes I suppose so, though she might prefer to use the opportunity to tidy up. Dinner no as it's too early and she'll probably have had breakfast at home already.

BarbarianMum · 31/03/2015 17:45

You can ask her but I can see why she'd prefer not to do it. Certainly she should be sitting down at the table with him and interacting with him when he's eating, not just leaving him to it but she may want a quiet mealtime, or not to have a 2 year old demanding to eat her lunch instead of his own. Or maybe she fancies a pot noodle and a bar of chocolate for lunch, or a cup of strong coffee, and doesn't want him to see.

DoJo · 31/03/2015 17:45

I don't think it's the worst thing in the world, but it depends on her reasoning - if she is sitting down with him while he eats, even if she isn't eating, then that is better than just leaving him to it. I struggle to eat with my son because I just don't work on toddler meal times, but I do sit with him and we chat while he's eating.

DoraGora · 31/03/2015 17:47

You can certainly tell her how much you hope she will do this. But, I don't think you can complain if she'd rather eat when he's asleep. Eating with very young children isn't particularly rewarding, because you spend so much time helping them and cleaning them, that you don't get time to eat while your food is hot. It's more trouble than it's worth. It's much easier to do everything when the child is asleep, not just eat.

I also think that the ideal of shared meals, eating, table manners, eye contact and conversation doesn't apply (in exactly the same way) to children who still need to be supervised when lifting a spoon to their mouths.

Duckdeamon · 31/03/2015 17:48

Yanbu to ask her to sit with him while he eats. ywbu to try to dictate when she eats.

If communal eating for DS is important to you you might want to try a CM or nursery.

I WOH and rarely eat with the DC or DH during the week: would prefer more family meals but it's not workable at the moment!

wheresthelight · 31/03/2015 17:49

I don't eat with my toddler but I do sit woth her while she eats so I think that would be the best thing to ask for.

are you sure she isn't already doing this? have you spoken to her?

Mistigri · 31/03/2015 17:52

Could your son eat with you when you get home? Outside of the UK even quite young children will have a snack at 4pm then a meal with their parents at dinner time.

AGirlCalledBoB · 31/03/2015 17:52

I really don't see the big deal to be honest. Am sure she is around him while he is eating and why shouldn't she eat her lunch peacefully and have 10 mins to herself while your son naps Confused

ApocalypseThen · 31/03/2015 17:52

Is nap time her break time? If so, I can see that she might prefer to have a peaceful meal.

Original poster
Milkandmarmite · 31/03/2015 17:55

Thanks for responses! Perhaps it is not practical then. I think she tends to clean up while he's eating which isn't ideal imo. Will have a word and ask her to sit with him at the very least. Soon the quiet toddler- free lunches maybe a thing of the past though, as naps are on the way out! Shock

OP posts:
viva100 · 31/03/2015 17:56

YABU. Eating with a toddler is a bit of a nightmare tbh as your primary focus is feeding him and you yourself only get a few bites here and there. Quite annoting and would only do it if there's no other time. A lot of people like a bit of peace and quiet when they eat. I know I do. So yabu and a bit weird to try to dictate when your nanny eats.

Original poster
Milkandmarmite · 31/03/2015 17:57

Mistigri unfortunately I get back at his bedtime.. Sad

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 31/03/2015 17:57

What! Let the woman decide when she wants to eat.

Nothing at all to do with you. Not at all.

Biscuit
FenellaFellorick · 31/03/2015 17:58

ahhh, lunch with a toddler.

I had so many hand prints in my meals that I missed them when they stopped Wink

DoraGora · 31/03/2015 17:58

You can't leave a toddler to eat unsupervised because he might choke or not eat at all or, or... Is she an experienced nanny?

BabyGanoush · 31/03/2015 17:59

Eating with a toddler sucks.

I did sit down with mine but ate in peace and quiet once they napped.

It would be unfair to ask this of the nanny, IMO

ImperialBlether · 31/03/2015 17:59

She's not on her lunchbreak, though, is she? She's working. Your son learns how to eat properly if he's eating with others and I think she should eat something when he eats. Have you talked to her about it?

Original poster
Milkandmarmite · 31/03/2015 17:59

Not weird Viva100 and I definitely haven't dictated it! I just hoped she might, as I do think it is good to be social and eat together when possible. I can certainly see that it's less stressful for her to eat during his nap.

OP posts:
GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 31/03/2015 17:59

Frankly, I think the family mealtime thing has been overblown. I have never eaten dinner at 5pm, and I don't plan to start.

My hunch is that the studies on the matter assume that if parents aren't eating with their children, the children are eating in front of the TV.

BabyGanoush · 31/03/2015 18:08

Yes, it has become such a thing now.

Eat with your kids or be doomed