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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my nanny to eat with my son?

82 replies

Milkandmarmite · 31/03/2015 17:41

I live alone with my 2.5yr old DS. I have a nanny who looks after him the days I'm working.

I leave very early (before breakfast) and get home after his tea time.

Aibu to expect/hope that the nanny will eat her meals with him? I can understand not breakfast as she'll probably want that at home
And maybe tea is too early, but surely lunch? At the moment I think she's eating hers when he's down for a nap.

I think it's so important to eat together whenever possible.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
sanfairyanne · 31/03/2015 18:13

poor woman
who wants to eat with toddlers? food everywhere, mess, timings

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 31/03/2015 18:16

Yabu

I sit with my charges or tidy up the kitchen whilst they eat...it means that come nap time I can sit down and eat my lunch in peace...I don't get a lunch break officially (like all nannies) but if I eat with my charges I end up wolfing it down then spending the whole nap time tidying etc because if I sit down with a cup of tea I won't get back up again!

This way I get 30/40m peace and get to relax...all my ex charges have had excellent table manners and conversation skills...it's clearly done them no harm!

Fairylea · 31/03/2015 18:17

I never ate with either of mine as toddlers. It's all just too stressful and I'd end up with indigestion! I would use the time to have a tea and would sit and talk etc but I would save nap times etc for my own food. I just couldn't relax otherwise!

Roseformeplease · 31/03/2015 18:19

Surely, if she is working from very early to late, she is seeing his nap (and her lunch) as a break - a rare one in a busy day. I think many of us would try to get clear img up done, from close by, in order to have a few quiet minutes later. I don't think you should micro-manage her day to that extent. He won't become a social cripple if she doesn't coo over his every mouthful.

Artandco · 31/03/2015 18:23

Have you considered moving toddlers bedtime?

Most people I know who work daily get nanny to allow children to nap later say 2-4, then move bedtime later to say 9pm so they can spend 7-9pm with child eating together/ playing/ reading.

RhiannonElward · 31/03/2015 18:24

OP I ate with all my children when they were old enough to eat without needing too much help. If I sit down to a meal with a toddler that won't let me eat I get stressed and frustrated and neither of us had a nice time. I loved eating when DC were asleep, I had the time to properly enjoy my food and could spend DC's mealtimes being encouraging and fun rather than irritable.

I don't think YABU per se, but I don't blame the nanny for wanting to get some hot food down her with no distractions. Maybe have a chat and come to a compromise? Offer her the chance for a snack with your DS while he is eating, get something nice in and propose she sit down and eat that with DS and then she can still have an undisturbed lunch.

drbonnieblossman · 31/03/2015 18:27

Can't get this evening meal at 5.00pm thing we seem to have for children in this country. Give them a snack and then all eat together later. Mealtimes should be sociable.

Can't believe the turning up of noses at the idea of lunch with a toddler. they're your fucking children for Christ sake, don't treat them like social outcasts. Jesus wept.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 31/03/2015 18:32

Can't get this evening meal at 5.00pm thing we seem to have for children in this country. Give them a snack and then all eat together later. Mealtimes should be sociable.

My kids eat lunch at 11.45. They walk in the door at 4pm and circle the kitchen like wolves. This drives their dinnertime.

Do I have to be eating in order to be sociable? Is it OK if I sit with them and merely chat?

drbonnieblossman · 31/03/2015 18:36

goodbye do whatever floats your boat. I don't lose sleep on these matters.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 31/03/2015 18:37

I'm a nanny, when my charge was little and still napping I would have lunch when he was sleeping, I always sat with him and had a drink whilst he ate but because he ate at 12 ready to go down for a nap at 1, I just wasn't hungry.

When he went to pre - school we ate lunch together when he got home at 12.30 and chatted about his morning, now he's at school we eat lunch together in the holidays as he doesn't want to eat until 1pm.

I've never eaten breakfast or dinner at work, I eat dinner with DP when I get home.

I don't think yabu to ask her to sit with him at mealtimes but yabu to insist she eats at that time, you will find as he drops his naps it will gradually change.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 31/03/2015 18:38

goodbye do whatever floats your boat. I don't lose sleep on these matters.

But Jesus wept.

AGirlCalledBoB · 31/03/2015 18:44

I love how not eating with your toddler is treating them like social outcasts.

Bit of a exaggeration much Shock

No not feeding them lunch at all would be treating them as social outcasts Wink

drbonnieblossman · 31/03/2015 18:44

He did. Grin

DocHollywood · 31/03/2015 18:45

I've heard it all now. Someone actually said that because it's not her lunch break she should be forcing food down to eat with the child. Shock

drbonnieblossman · 31/03/2015 18:46

No, BoB, that would be neglect

DocHollywood · 31/03/2015 18:48

Bob, it's up there with forward facing buggys. Awful, awful parenting.

Joyfulleastersquad · 31/03/2015 18:51

I don't blame her, she probably wants to eat her lunch in peace - like I do with dd2.

AGirlCalledBoB · 31/03/2015 18:55

Dochollywood damn I am a bad parent then. My son has a forward facing buggy and ate lunch alone today Shock

I will eat with him tomorrow I promise

I lie I just want to eat my yogurt without my toddler stealing it

Springtimemama · 31/03/2015 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iggly · 31/03/2015 19:17

Can't get this evening meal at 5.00pm thing we seem to have for children in this country. Give them a snack and then all eat together later. Mealtimes should be sociable

Mine are exhausted by 7pm so tea at 5 suits them. On work days, it is later and the DCs are shattered as a result as bedtime is later.

They're early risers despite all efforts so need early bedtime.

Op - my nanny ate with the DCs when naps went out the window.

SuperMumTum · 31/03/2015 19:18

I'm with drbonnie. Eating with kids doesn't have to be stressful, they're just people. People who need to learn how to do something by seeing done. I don't eat every meal with DD but making two lots of lunch is a waste of time and unnecessary.

Original poster
Milkandmarmite · 31/03/2015 19:22

Thanks for more replies. I don't think that's it's a deal breaker and I certainly won't push it if she prefers relaxed lunch during nap time, but I do think it IS good for them to be eating with someone. Maybe, as smiling says, it'll change as he gets a bit older and isn't napping.

Not seeing later dinner time/bed time - just not feasible, practical for us.

OP posts:
mamapants · 31/03/2015 19:23

But all of you who say you don't eat lunch with your toddlers doesn't that mean you have to make two lunches? And same at dinner time?
I eat with my baby and toddler as we all eat the same. Meals are eaten at my normal meal times. I didn't invent new meal times when I had children.

bimandbam · 31/03/2015 19:26

Not a nanny but I always eat lunch with ds who is 15 months. I don't see it as a big deal to? He eats his, I eat mine. I tidy up while he is eating his pudding then wipe his highchair and him down.

I do give him his tea before us though most nights purely because he is in bed for 7pm. So bath and wind down routine starts at 6pm. Too early for us to eat our main meal. But dd has been eating with us later since she was about 7ish.

But once a week I do a full roast and he eats a bit later and we eat a bit later. I do feel he eats better on that night than any other if I am honest. Or he might just like roast dinners lol.

But I do think it is important that I eat with him at lunchtime at least.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 31/03/2015 19:29

I don't eat with my 16 month old, apart from sometime a slice of toast when she has her breakfast. I just can't eat lunch at 12 and dinner at 5 which is when she eats. I have my lunch in peace when she's napping at about 13.30. I always sit with her when she's eating though.