To not bother trying to ensure DDs have regular contact with in laws?

[MyballsareSandy]

DDs are 14. In laws were quite involved in childcare when they were small which tailed off when they started secondary school. During school hols I still encourage them to spend a day round theirs to keep in touch.

So I dropped them off this morning and went to work. DD2 has text to say that her nan got into a rage when DD told her she didn't fancy going shopping with her. She's confiscsted her iPad and gone out with DD1.

It's as though MIL doesn't have a clue about teens. She's lucky they still visit and spend time with her on a regular basis.

I really wish I'd just left them in bed this morning instead of waking them up early like a school day to spend time with their grandparents and I'm tempted to just let them decide in future, at their age which would mean they see very little of them.

That additional information puts a different light things. I have to agree with pp that it sounds like DD1 is the 'golden child' and DD2 is the 'scapegoat' in this situation. Not healthy for either of them. I wouldn't be encouraging either of them to go.

My teen is also embaressed by her gps. I think people are imaging sweet old folk who are lonley and sit knitting. Not always the case.

bathtimefunkster "they will, soon enough, have a choice whether to go or not" - I stand by this. I too would not force them to go at this age but, for sure, when they are 18, their relationship with their grandmother will be an adult - to - adult one and they will exercise choice. At 14 - grey area. At 18 - their decision.

(NB I have added in an extra L which I seem to have missed on my ancient phone.)

Going by your OP alone, I am struggling to see evidence of your dd being rude. I can see that she expressed a view on going on shopping (or rather not going shopping) that was taken badly, but I don't get from your post that your dd expressed that view in an offensive manner.

It seems that other PPs feel that a 14 year old saying no to a grandparent is rude in and of itself, which is nonsense.

It sounds like contact between your MIL and DDs has been reduced to a tick box exercise simply to demonstrate that a duty has been fulfilled.

My ds is 13. He has a lovely relationship with my ILs. They have always said that as he gets older he will doubtless want to spend less time with them. The time they all spend together now is focussed on doing things they all want to do and the object is to enjoy each other's company.

Quality time rather than humdrum box ticking time, that's the way forward.

Do you see them altogether as a family?

I think as soon as teen is able to stay home alone its there choice.