To have spoken to a school mum about not strapping her DS into his car seat?

[PuntasticUsername]

This happened a few days ago, but I'm still thinking about it.

I was walking my DS to school, when a car drove past us - I could see there was a woman driving, and a boy in the back seat who was not physically restrained in any way. When I saw him, he was standing up, hanging between the front seats. Speed was no more than 10mph as it's a busy road at that time of day and the traffic was stop-start, but (for instance) a vehicle behind could easily have rear-ended the car and knocked the boy forward.

When we got to school, I saw them get out of the car and they then walked up beside us. I nearly didn't say anything, but then I couldn't bear not to

I said "Excuse me, did I just see you driving down [road]? And your son wasn't strapped in to his car seat?".

She said "Er, yeah" and did a sort of back-and-forth hand gesture as if to indicate "but it's not far".

(I MENTION THIS PURELY BECAUSE IT IS GERMANE TO THE SITUATION the woman was of east Asian appearance, so given the hand gesture I wonder if perhaps she doesn't speak English fluently).

I took a deep breath, already feeling stressed out by the confrontation, and said "I'm sure you know this really, but even if it's "not far", your son still needs to be strapped in every time. It's really dangerous for him to travel in the car unrestrained".

At this point, she looked grumpy, clearly decided she didn't want to continue the conversation and strode off ahead of me. Perhaps I should have let it go at that point, but I felt I needed to justify my interference in her life. So I shouted after her "I'm so sorry, I REALLY don't normally judge people's parenting, but you were putting your son's life at risk".

WIBU? I am swinging between thinking I was an unbearable interfering busybody, especially to talk to her right outside the school in front of a lot of other parents (but then, I had to say it when I saw her - I don't know her, and haven't seen her before or since), and thinking I don't care what I am as long as I made her think twice about strapping her son into his car seat next time

I think it's none of your business really. I think she's aware that he should be tied in but just isn't bothered. I doubt uou shouting after her will suddenly change ger views.

The thing about people not strapping their children in though, surely there is not a single adult in the country who doesn't know that not being strapped in is 1) illegal and 2) less safe. I just can't believe that people wouldn't know that. So when I see children not strapped in I assume that the parents have made that decision conciously and whilst I might think it's a terrible decision, me telling them it's wrong won't actually change anything because I'm not telling them anything that they don't know already.

Kittymum03 in all honesty I don't know why and think it's rather odd.

www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

A child can travel without a child car seat in some circumstances.

Taxis and minicabs (private hire vehicles)
In a licensed taxi or minicab:

children under 3 years of age can travel without a child’s car seat or seat belt, but only on the back seat
children aged 3 years or older can travel without a child’s car seat if they wear an adult seat belt

Being in a taxi doesn't make you safer and it isn't safer because it is assumed to be a short journey.

I think it is purely because it is too difficult/ taxi drivers and users would have massive problems if the law insisted every child under 135cm in a taxi had to be in the correct child restraint. How could this work? Either children under 135cm couldn't travel in taxis anymore or taxi drivers would have to carry around baby carriers, infant seats and high back boosters and probably more than one of each to accommodate any possible combination of children.

Taxis aren't magically safe for children!

It's not practical for a taxi to carry several types of car seat for each age group. Group 1 being particularly unworkable for parents to use.

I've had one occasion of having to travel under the exemption. We'd travelled to a wedding in a hackney cab with DS in a buggy. At the end of the night we requested a hackney cab again. After over an hour of waiting a people carrier turned up for us. DS couldn't settle to sleep and was desperately tired. We didn't know our route to the hotel, and we're in an area that you really don't want to walk around at night, so we accepted the taxi. I didn't like it, but it was the least impractical option avaliable.

That is different to a routine school run.

My kids home to school transport is a service bus which doesn't even have seatbelts but the council obviously condone that.At 10 miles an hour it really isn't a issue.
To channel Enid Blyton you sound like an insufferable prig!

OP maybe overdid it by shouting after but YANBU. I cannot believe the number of people who think it's busybody behaviour. It takes a village and all that... and sometimes we need to protect the child from the village idiot they've been saddled with.

I would and have challenged parents/drivers when I see an unrestrained child and then they stop the vehicle. I remind them that they are breaking the law and risking the child's safety. I don't care how they take it, but if they say anything other then 'Oh, OK, Thank you' the next thing I would do is call the police - but that has not happened.

I would and have called the police when I see unrestrained children in a car. The last time was about 4 months ago.

I would and have challenged people about to drink drive. I have called the police when they refuse my offer of a lift and continue with their plan. I will call the police on my FIL (except I'm going NC so might miss the opportunity) very soon.

I will challenge and then call the police if I know someone is driving with an uninsured or un-MOT'd car.

If that makes me a busybody so be it. I prefer the term 'Daughter of a mechanic who accompanied him to too many lethal accidents to recover the car, and later a nurse who worked for too many years in operating theatres spending time putting people back together after poor-driving-choices had been made'.

The taxi I mentioned was in fact being used for private journey by taxi drivers family. It is designed for truely exceptional journeys.
I am shocked that a LA provide non seat belted transport

I'm still reading - thanks for all the replies especially those who said IWNBU Those who identified that my final shout was due to nerves rather than anything else, have it right I think - I was hating this encounter, imagining myself in the other woman's shoes and actually quite keen for her to know that I'm not a judgey person as a rule, I'm just a parent who has off days like any other, and I would never ordinarily question anyone else's parenting choices unless I felt they were really, startlingly bad choices. Which, rightly or wrongly, I felt this one was.

But clearly I fucked up on the choice of wording, rather spectacularly in fact And should have shut my mouth several seconds before I actually did. Thankyou all again for taking the time to reply.

OP what a reasonable follow up

Yes very reasonable

Wah, sorry, I'm doing this all wrong aren't I? Well I say...jolly well KNICKERS to the lot of yers! I bet none of you even provide guest sanpro. You're a disgrace.

Is that better?

That's better.