To have spoken to a school mum about not strapping her DS into his car seat?

[PuntasticUsername]

This happened a few days ago, but I'm still thinking about it.

I was walking my DS to school, when a car drove past us - I could see there was a woman driving, and a boy in the back seat who was not physically restrained in any way. When I saw him, he was standing up, hanging between the front seats. Speed was no more than 10mph as it's a busy road at that time of day and the traffic was stop-start, but (for instance) a vehicle behind could easily have rear-ended the car and knocked the boy forward.

When we got to school, I saw them get out of the car and they then walked up beside us. I nearly didn't say anything, but then I couldn't bear not to

I said "Excuse me, did I just see you driving down [road]? And your son wasn't strapped in to his car seat?".

She said "Er, yeah" and did a sort of back-and-forth hand gesture as if to indicate "but it's not far".

(I MENTION THIS PURELY BECAUSE IT IS GERMANE TO THE SITUATION the woman was of east Asian appearance, so given the hand gesture I wonder if perhaps she doesn't speak English fluently).

I took a deep breath, already feeling stressed out by the confrontation, and said "I'm sure you know this really, but even if it's "not far", your son still needs to be strapped in every time. It's really dangerous for him to travel in the car unrestrained".

At this point, she looked grumpy, clearly decided she didn't want to continue the conversation and strode off ahead of me. Perhaps I should have let it go at that point, but I felt I needed to justify my interference in her life. So I shouted after her "I'm so sorry, I REALLY don't normally judge people's parenting, but you were putting your son's life at risk".

WIBU? I am swinging between thinking I was an unbearable interfering busybody, especially to talk to her right outside the school in front of a lot of other parents (but then, I had to say it when I saw her - I don't know her, and haven't seen her before or since), and thinking I don't care what I am as long as I made her think twice about strapping her son into his car seat next time

zzzz: "If it was only compulsory to restrain children in car seats/use seat belts from the eighties, then EVERY person you know who was born a few years befor that (everyone over 35ish??) survived trips in their cars."

Can you really not spot the logical flaw in that sentence? Have a think about it for a while.

I think the OP did the right thing. She's braver than I am, though - my instinct is always not to interfere.

Not strapping your child in and not fastening the seatbelt makes you a grade a shit parent and a dickhead of the highest proportion.

zippey you leave your child unrestrained for short distances as it's a hassle?
Good thing most accidents don't happen near the home then.
Oh hang on...
And for those saying that seat belts and car seats weren't legally enforced previously... have a Google of the annual UK Road death rate if you want to see the absolutely vast drops in deaths that this change in the law brought about.
But if people are that determined to kill themselves and their offspring despite the best efforts of society and the law then so be it I suppose.

I am so shocked people don't strap their kids in for every journey. I for one do not judge 'the hassle to risk ratio' . Seat belts on for every journey, end of. Roads are dangerous enough as it is without taking further risks to remove 3 seconds of hassle.

Apart from the mediums among us hack

YWNBU OP.

I think we should judge people who clearly don't give a shit about their child's safety.

How is clipping a buckle a hassle? Do you wear your seatbelt zip or is that too much for you as well.

Doesn't matter how short a distance is you can still have an accident.

I take car safety very seriously and always strap my children in and I am always a bit horrified when I see children not strapped in.

But to be honest, I would never intervene if I saw another parent doing it. Not because I like to ignore child neglect, but because human nature being what it is, and people being defensive, I think that far from making the parent think twice next time, the outcome would quite possibly be the opposite, along the lines of 'that cow isn't telling me what to do, I'm not strapping him/her in, hope I see her again this morning' etc etc

It is a dilemma though. But ultimately the child's safety does rest with the parent/adult in charge, and no amount of random well meaning intervention can really change that.

I can't believe Zippey thinks it's ok to drive a mile with kids with no effective seat belt. Putting arms in with no buckle is simply no means to restrain them. Reckless disregard for safety.
She or He is also teaching the DC that its fine to not wear one or undo it. I have come close to refusing to take a friends DC in my car because they mess with the booster seat belts etc Her DC will develop a cavalier attitude to road safety.

I was hit from the rear at 10m/hr recently and would have been into the windscreen if j hadn't had a seat belt.

Op you were right to say something and I will next time. Only the other day did I see a taxi driver with a lady with a toddler on her knee ??

"I think as a parent you judge the risk to hassle ratio and you take the risk."
Risk as in risk your child's wellbeing/life?
If someone told me there was a 0.01% chance my dd could come to harm if I can't be bothered with the hassle of clipping her in to her car seat but that chance would be reduced if I do, I think I'd take the 5 seconds to clip her in. But maybe I'm just overprotective.

Kitty my MIL does that too!

I also try not to have her in the car. Why on earth would anyone go to the bother of taking the seatbelt, holding it across their body but refuse to put the buckle in the buckle? It baffles me and makes me angry in equal measures.

When my children were younger I had to refuse to allow PIL to take them in the car, because MIL insisted 'I'll just hold her on my knee in the front seat, I don't like using car seats'. Er, no, you'll not. It was made worse because SIL allowed her to do it with her children, and DH and I were accused of being unreasonable by not allowing it.

I should add that the taxi driver I saw was not on an emergency journey. He stopped at the park and he and 4 others got out. One woman who had toddler climbing on her knee. Two other children who may or may not have had seat belts on. There were no car seats. I have seen it several times near us. It seems common in certain sectors of our community

And (I'm off on a rant here!) our car has one of those alarms where it makes a loud bleep if someone is sitting in the seat, the car is moving, but the seatbelt isn't buckled - I couldn't even set my handbag on the passenger seat without the alarm going off. I had MIL in the front seat of the car a few months back and she took her seatbelt off once we started moving (must have thought that I wouldn't notice) and the alarm was deafening. And she started moaning about how distracting the noise was!! I had to pull over, make her put the seatbelt back on. And then when we were almost home, about half a mile from her house, she took it off again and refused to put it back on because we were almost home. .

I hate hate hate having to take her anywhere. She can't drive though, and sometimes it is essential.

A friend's DC used to come home with us one night a week and I realised after a couple of journeys he wasn't doing up his seatbelt (8 years old, so generally can be relied uptown to buckle themselves in). I pulled over, stuck on my hazards and said to him we'd be there til he put his belt on. He did it eventually, after much crying and complaining that his Mum doesn't make him wear it, but put the chest strap bend his back so the lap belt was the only one restraining him. I refused to move til he sorted himself out and he went bezerk, shouting how it wasn't fair, he hated me, he wasn't going to wear it, and we ended up being 40 minutes late dropping him off.

His Mum laughed. Laughed! And said "yeah, he hates seat belts and I don't want to nag him, so he won't wear one". As if it's something you can choose. I said I wasn't willing to have him in my car unless he wore his seatbelt properly every single time and she went "You're being a bit picky aren't you, it's only a short drive".

And that's how I ruined a friendship with an asshat parent.

I don't get it. Why wouldn't you use a belt/seat? It might not happen but can you forgive yourself if it did?
I swear people have no idea of the amount of car crashes every single day
A child going through the windscreen, surviving but scarred for life due to the gravel burns from sliding across the road
It takes what, two seconds? People will wedge shopping in and strap a tv down but not use a seat belt

treaclesoda: why won't your MiL wear her seatbelt? What does she think is going to happen? It's so weird.

I can think of a couple of occasions where I've witnessed this. One was when my DD was about six, and she went to a friend's house after school. The mum picked her and her friend up, plus the siblings, but because the mum's boyfriend was also in the car, the four children had to squeeze in the back seat without seat belts.

Another occasion: DD went to a friend's birthday treat at swimming pool. The dad drove them home afterwards in his 4x4. The birthday girl insisted that they all sit in the back bit without seat belts on the way home. The dad eventually gave in because the mum was on the DD's side as it was a birthday treat!

On both occasions, I was gobsmacked - why would you take that risk when you are responsible for other people's children? Sadly, on neither occasion did I say anything, basically because I'm a coward who hates confrontation.

I think essentially you did the right thing, but alerting her is one thing, addding on the danger part vers into bullying. you told her enough ,

I have no idea why MIL won't wear a seatbelt. And the weird thing is that she is always banging on about how dangerous the roads are and that she hates going in a car. But any attempt to talk to her about how to make that car journey safer (and it is worth bearing in mind here that she has never been in an accident, and neither have any of our family) and you get a wee fake laugh and 'oh, that's just me, I'm funny that way'. She can not be reasoned with.

Why on earth would someone hold the seatbelt but not click it in. That makes no sense.

I also cannot stand it when people say back in their day they didn't exist so why the need now. Why do they think there's less fatalities on our roads now?

treacle, you need to get tough, i really would stop the car and tell her to get out unless she put her seatbelt on.

To those of you who think its no big deal, this is my mantra. You can be the safest driver in the world, in the safest car, but you can't predict what anyone else on the roads is going to do. Treat every other driver like an idiot, and keep yourself and your passengers safe accordingly.

How is my post rude zzzzz? All I've done is point out the flawed logic in your post and you do deserve a wee bit of a ribbing for posting something so silly.

Is everyone else who has had a giggle at it since rude too? Or err... just right?

Even if you were sure they would be safe it's seems daft to allow your kids to travel without wearing a seatbelt even for the shortest of journeys. I've always found it much better to have blanket rules for my DC. If you give them an inch they will want a mile.

If I let them off occasionally it would end up with a debate on every journey.

I'm amazed that anyone would think letting a kid go unbuckled would be OK. You hardly need to touch the brakes and they could hurt themselves.