To have spoken to a school mum about not strapping her DS into his car seat?

[PuntasticUsername]

This happened a few days ago, but I'm still thinking about it.

I was walking my DS to school, when a car drove past us - I could see there was a woman driving, and a boy in the back seat who was not physically restrained in any way. When I saw him, he was standing up, hanging between the front seats. Speed was no more than 10mph as it's a busy road at that time of day and the traffic was stop-start, but (for instance) a vehicle behind could easily have rear-ended the car and knocked the boy forward.

When we got to school, I saw them get out of the car and they then walked up beside us. I nearly didn't say anything, but then I couldn't bear not to

I said "Excuse me, did I just see you driving down [road]? And your son wasn't strapped in to his car seat?".

She said "Er, yeah" and did a sort of back-and-forth hand gesture as if to indicate "but it's not far".

(I MENTION THIS PURELY BECAUSE IT IS GERMANE TO THE SITUATION the woman was of east Asian appearance, so given the hand gesture I wonder if perhaps she doesn't speak English fluently).

I took a deep breath, already feeling stressed out by the confrontation, and said "I'm sure you know this really, but even if it's "not far", your son still needs to be strapped in every time. It's really dangerous for him to travel in the car unrestrained".

At this point, she looked grumpy, clearly decided she didn't want to continue the conversation and strode off ahead of me. Perhaps I should have let it go at that point, but I felt I needed to justify my interference in her life. So I shouted after her "I'm so sorry, I REALLY don't normally judge people's parenting, but you were putting your son's life at risk".

WIBU? I am swinging between thinking I was an unbearable interfering busybody, especially to talk to her right outside the school in front of a lot of other parents (but then, I had to say it when I saw her - I don't know her, and haven't seen her before or since), and thinking I don't care what I am as long as I made her think twice about strapping her son into his car seat next time

I'm normally on the side of "mind your own business" but I can't get fussed about this. If even one person confrontong her over this makes her think twice next time, it's worth it.

Theoretican - please explain how a child standing up between the 2 front seats in a moving car is not dangerous? IT IS - even at low speeds. There's a reason why this is against the law!

It is really dangerous to have an unrestrained child in a car. It is illegal because of the history of severe injury or fatalities suffered by many children. Car companies spend millions of pounds making cars safe and car seat manufacturers making the seats to go in them, for a reason, to avoid death and serious injury.

I did call the police when I say something similar (woman with toddler on her knee). They took it very seriously and did come out. I was in a supermarket carpark and stayed parked nearby in case the people drove away.

Not just a busybody, but an insulting one, for implying your judgement is better than hers.

Of course the OP's judgement is better. Anyway, it's not just judgement, it's the law.

I think YWNBU to raise it with her initially, but YWBU to shout after her after she walked off - I think you probably feel that way too.

Don't stress about the conversation, don't deliberately look out for her, but if you spot her (or anyone really) doing it again, follow the good advice above and call the police.

It isn't a matter of judgement. Simple basic physics tells you it is dangerous. If she stops suddenly the child will be thrown forward headfirst into the windscreen. Even at slow speeds.

the child could go through the screen, and could then land headfirst on the road. Death, brain damage, paralysis are all possibilities.

there's a reason that seatbelts have been law for, what, 40 years. There's also a reason that in countries where they have lower safety standards, the road death rate is a big multiple of ours.

ps call the cops if you see her again. She's breaking the law.

YABU to assume that she didn't speak fluent English based on her ethnicity.

I called the Police as did at least one other bystander when a toddler left alone and unrestrained in a car climbed over the seat and let himself out of the car into the road.

Good for you OP, well done.

I sometimes feel like setting up a one woman picket line outside DD's school. We live in rural France and I would say only about 10% of the kids are in a car seat for the school run (school is for DCs from 3 to 11yos). I've seen it all, five year olds unrestrained in the front passenger seat, five kids in the back of a three seater vehicle, and best of all one lady who habitually drives along two roads with her 18mo in her lap helping her steer.

I'm shocked the French are so far behind on this. Needless to say I have had multiple comments on how weird I am not have car seats for the DCs, even someone suggesting it restricts their social life and freedom as they cannot be bundled off with friends in other cars!

Interfering busybody.

Anyone who thinks you were an "interfering busybody" has a serious case of bystander apathy.

That said, next time call 101 and report it, take a photo too perhaps. There are some serious nut jobs out there and you want to be sure you're safe too.

Well ragged seeing a 21 month old letting itself out of a car into the road is everyone's business I think.

For those saying interfering busybody etc would you let the woman drive your child in their car? Also if you saw someone driving with a child unrestrained in the car and you knew that person was a childminder would you say anything to anybody?

I have to admit I have never confronted anyone who I have seen driving like that but always feel angry when I see a child not strapped in. Think I will go the reporting route next time I see it.

Ywbu - Im sure she knew the law and chose to ignore it like hundreds of other people ignore laws every single day...

so all those who are saying 'interfering busybody' are happy with observing child neglect and doing nothing?

shame on you. Well done, OP.

I think u did a good thing and were brave. I would be too scared of the confrontation.

It's really dangerous for him to travel in the car unrestrained

No it isn't. YABU to have spoken to her at all. Not just a busybody, but an insulting one, for implying your judgement is better than hers.

Soo... You wouldn't/don't strap your kids in then?? of course it's bloody dangerous.

No OP, you weren't being unreasonable. Post it reverse "aibu to have not mentioned to mother she should strap her child in" and you'd get a different response I bet. Esp if it had lead to that child being hurt.

seat belt laws were early 80s, I am 44 and I know where I was living and how old I was when this was all "the thing" there was a massive TV publicity drive featuring a now dead and disgraced celebrity who I will not name.