To have spoken to a school mum about not strapping her DS into his car seat?

[PuntasticUsername]

This happened a few days ago, but I'm still thinking about it.

I was walking my DS to school, when a car drove past us - I could see there was a woman driving, and a boy in the back seat who was not physically restrained in any way. When I saw him, he was standing up, hanging between the front seats. Speed was no more than 10mph as it's a busy road at that time of day and the traffic was stop-start, but (for instance) a vehicle behind could easily have rear-ended the car and knocked the boy forward.

When we got to school, I saw them get out of the car and they then walked up beside us. I nearly didn't say anything, but then I couldn't bear not to

I said "Excuse me, did I just see you driving down [road]? And your son wasn't strapped in to his car seat?".

She said "Er, yeah" and did a sort of back-and-forth hand gesture as if to indicate "but it's not far".

(I MENTION THIS PURELY BECAUSE IT IS GERMANE TO THE SITUATION the woman was of east Asian appearance, so given the hand gesture I wonder if perhaps she doesn't speak English fluently).

I took a deep breath, already feeling stressed out by the confrontation, and said "I'm sure you know this really, but even if it's "not far", your son still needs to be strapped in every time. It's really dangerous for him to travel in the car unrestrained".

At this point, she looked grumpy, clearly decided she didn't want to continue the conversation and strode off ahead of me. Perhaps I should have let it go at that point, but I felt I needed to justify my interference in her life. So I shouted after her "I'm so sorry, I REALLY don't normally judge people's parenting, but you were putting your son's life at risk".

WIBU? I am swinging between thinking I was an unbearable interfering busybody, especially to talk to her right outside the school in front of a lot of other parents (but then, I had to say it when I saw her - I don't know her, and haven't seen her before or since), and thinking I don't care what I am as long as I made her think twice about strapping her son into his car seat next time

I would strap myself in every time. An annoying beeping sound goes off if I don't, but I would probably do it anyway.

The hassle is opening the back door, or reaching across from the front seat, bending across/down, getting a bit sore, fiddling around with the straps. Takes less than 10 seconds but whats the point if you are unlicking a few minutes later?

I do worry about setting a precedent - DD now asks "are we going far?" meaning it may be ok to not click on short journeys. I have started doing this less, though Im still of the opinion that you need to have a healthy attitude to risk. That's why we don't see children on reins very often, or children using climbing frames, or cycling without a helmet in Holland.

DD incidentally has terrific road sense. Wont cross road unless holding hands, waits for adult in car park etc. She is very sensible.

oh, so you'll make sure you're strapped in and safe, but because its a bit inconvenient you dont care if she goes through the windscreen?

I refer you to my earlier post.

really it shouldn't matter ONE FUCKING IOTA HOW FAR YOU ARE TRAVELLING.

CLUNK CLICK EVERY TRIP!!

zippey
"DD incidentally has terrific road sense. Wont cross road unless holding hands, waits for adult in car park etc. She is very sensible."

Good job one of you does.

Zippey you are clearly happy to risk killing your child because you can't be bothered reaching over and clicking her in. An impact at 5-10 m/hr could injure her for life. Someone could bump into you at any time. It defies belief. You are teaching her that it's fine.
The comment about helmets and Holland is naive. Their road system and awareness / rights of cyclists is totally different.
Most play equipment is no longer on solid concrete for a reason too.

you shouted after her down the street in public?
Really? When you know she might not speak good English?
How did that make you feel? Nicely superior?

It takes me longer to buckle two DCs in to go to nursery than the length of the journey. But I do it because it's the law, and it's there for our wellbeing even if it is mildly inconvenient.

The OP was reasonable to challenge the parent on the grounds of safetc and legality, but not as a judgement of parenting which undermined the message.

zippey I'm genuinely not having a go but please strap your child in properly. One ding with enough force, ie anything beyond a parking bump, and she'll be likely hit the windscreen. Much faster and she will go through.
She very possibly won't survive. Don't take the chance.

To the OP you being totally reasonable - she was both breaking the law & putting her child's life at risk. To others who think she was being a busybody - only those who were genuinely in the wrong take umbrage a being given a reminder & those who think that wearing a seatbelt is unnecessary - you are breaking the law. the laws of the land apply to everyone - they are they to keep us safe, what makes you different to everyone else?

The law incidentally would seem to largely agree with me:

www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

The main bits being:

If the correct child seat isn’t available, a child over 3 years of age can use an adult seat belt if the journey is all of the following:
unexpected
necessary
over a short distance

The wording is very ambiguous though. Id say going to she shops/swimming practice was necessary etc

Actually I read that wrongly, it doesn't agree with me at all, its a completely different scenario. Apologies.

But Zippey your journeys are not unexpected emergencies when this is permitted - there had to be a clause in the law to cover situations where it was safer to do it than for example to be stranded on the side of a motorway. An adult seatbelt must still be used. You are using nothing on routine journeys of a mile. That is blatantly reckless and putting your DC lives at risk

Can't believe there are people who won't strap their children in when in the car!!!! As people say to me you wouldnt put your best china loose on the back seat so why would you put your child!!!

I may have mentioned before that my mother was a radiographer before retirement, and well remembers the day that seatbelts became compulsory. Why? Because suddenly there was a massive reduction in the number of horrific injuries she had to x-ray, caused by exiting head-first through the windscreen.

if you don't wear your own belt you are incredibly stupid, but this is the choice you make for yourself. If you don't belt your kids in, you choose this risk for them.

shame on you.

Only if it is unexpected zippey.

I believe there is some sort of statistic about a lot of accidents happening within 3 miles of the home... So statistically, short journeys may prove to be more dangerous than long journeys...

OP - totaly not unreasonable, and I guess the after-comment was fueled by nervous adrenaline, so understandable, even if it was too much!

A friend's DH used to work for the police. I remember her telling me of one RTA he had to attend where a group of young lads had been driving recklessly and ended up going off the road into a tree. None of them were wearing seatbelts, none of them stayed in the car, none of them survived. In fact it took them sometime to work out how many passengers there should be. The DH then had to look for a head which was no longer attached to the body Obviously this is an extreme example and they must have been travelling at speed.

But there is no guarantee that you won't be hit by a driver like that on your nice safe short journey and it wouldn't be good news for any unrestrained occupants in your car.

The other day I was doing the school run, a journey of about 6 miles. Someone came speeding out of a junction without stopping, in fact without looking and came straight across the road and nearly ran straight into me Luckily there was no car coming the other way and luckily there was a wide enough verge for me to take evasive action. There was a matter of inches between us. Short journeys aren't always safe

I think it's fine to say something politely not fine to yell at someone when they (politely) walk away from you.

I think you're taking yourself a wee bit too seriously zzzzz.

I have relatives who try the holding seatbelt near but not actually clicked into the holder bit. I offer to help them if they need it and then tell them we are not moving until they do their belt up properly. They say I am mean and rude but they belt up properly.

Yanbu well done for saying something. I would also tell the head, we had a reminder about a car safety related matter in our newsletter.

You may have saved this child's life.

Personally if I was doing something that put my DD at risk, I would rather a stranger was rude and/or shouted at me to inform me than me not now and anything bad a happen. (Not that I think OP was rude. Just nervous)

Almostapril children under 3 can travel without a child seat or seat belt in taxis as long as it's in the back seat.
I've actually had taxi drivers get pissy at me for putting my baby in the car seat and strapping it in correctly when by law I didn't need to. Obviously wasting a minute of their lives should come before my babies safety.