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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I BU to use the disabled toilet?

551 replies

Unplastered · 29/03/2015 14:36

At a local national trust place today, just me with Dd age 6 and baby in his pram.
The baby change unit in the loos is just in the main area, there's a long row of (tiny) cubicles and a large disabled loo with a sink in.
Dd and I both needed the loo, there was nobody around, so I took both kids in the disabled loo.
As we came out there was a woman approaching the loos on a crutch. She hadn't been waiting - she was just approaching as we exited. She told me, sharply, that I shouldn't have used that loo, the baby changing wasn't in there. I said I knew that, we hadn't needed to use it, just wanted a bigger cubicle so as not to leave the baby outside. She replied it didn't make any difference as none of us was disabled.
Was I BU to use the disabled loo?

OP posts:

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Gottagetmoving · 29/03/2015 16:08

I thought disabled looks were for the disabled because they are designed to accommodate specific problems, I.e. they are lower and the cubicle can accommodate a wheelchair etc. I didn't know able bodied people were banned from them.
If I needed the loo and there was only a disabled one free, I would use it. I am not disabled but when I have to go, I HAVE to go, otherwise I would set myself.
YANBU.

Gottagetmoving · 29/03/2015 16:08

WET,.. not set, sorry.

Pat1ence · 29/03/2015 16:09

What thefairy said. You've got the definition of accessible wrong.

Unless you or your children are disabled, you should not be using the disabled toilet.

We have a Radar key for the locked disabled toilets. They should ALL be locked for this reason. You can't buy a key unless you can prove you are disabled, if they were for all and sundry they'd be handing them out with the Bounty packs.

Stillyummy · 29/03/2015 16:12

Yo be fair, you could have had all sorts of medical conditions necessitating the use of that loo that she couldn't see. So she seems like a bit of a cow to me.

Icimoi · 29/03/2015 16:12

We do this. I am not prepared to leave either my son or my baby daughter outside a toilet cubicle on their own. I don't understand what the problem is if it wasn't being used.

Littlemissunshine, what do you do when there isn't a disabled loo available? And why can't you do that all the time?

Do you not understand that the problem is that there could well be someone with a genuine need for the toilet like Dawndonna outside in a wheelchair absolutely desperate to get in before she soils herself? Do you think that is preferable to you getting your baby out of the pram and taking her into a normal toilet with you?

Icimoi · 29/03/2015 16:13

Yo be fair, you could have had all sorts of medical conditions necessitating the use of that loo that she couldn't see. So she seems like a bit of a cow to me.

But OP didn't, so that's totally irrelevant.

LikeIcan · 29/03/2015 16:13

No. It wasn't me.

I've probably used disabled toilets twice in my whole life ( both in an emergency situation ) each time, there were no disabled people approaching the toilet ( or anywhere near ) so I guessed I had 2 minutes - which was all the time I used.
It's completely different to parking in a disabled space - something I would never do, because I would never be in the toilet for longer than a few minutes.

Biscetti · 29/03/2015 16:13

So why then are baby changing units/accessible loos almost always one and the same?

I have a child with cystic fibrosis, and as such considered to have a disability. She is however just as capable of using any old loo as the next child, yet as she has a registered disability (DLA, higher levels for both parts) she is absolutely free to use whichever loo suits.

If I have her, plus a baby in a pram (hypothetical now as I only occasionally have a niece or nephew with us), then I will use whichever loo works for us. CF or not, I'm sure people will bitterly seethe and judge away.

hazeyjane · 29/03/2015 16:14

But the op's question was, 'AIBU to use the disabled toilet?', not 'was she unreasonable to tell me (sharply) not to use the disabled toilet?'

Icimoi · 29/03/2015 16:15

Gottagetmoving, if you have a medical condition that means you have to use the disabled loo because you cannot wait then that's absolutely fine, it's meant for you. But wouldn't you be quite unhappy if you couldn't get in there and wet yourself because OP was there messing around changing her baby instead of using the designated baby changing area?

hazeyjane · 29/03/2015 16:15

So why then are baby changing units/accessible loos almost always one and the same?

bad design

TheFairyCaravan · 29/03/2015 16:16

Yo be fair, you could have had all sorts of medical conditions necessitating the use of that loo that she couldn't see. So she seems like a bit of a cow to me.

But she didn't, she just did it because she could without a second thought to the consequences. Just as most selfish people who use accessible toilets do. They don't care and they won't change.

Indantherene · 29/03/2015 16:18

To those who think she was unreasonable - where should she have gone? Genuine question.

I used to go to the end cubicle and pull the pram up to the door. If I had to shut the door I kept talking to the baby. Amazingly none of my dc were ever stolen from a public toilet.

southwest1 · 29/03/2015 16:20

The problem with Radar keys is you don't have to prove that you've got a disability to buy one, and there's hundreds of copies being sold on eBay and Amazon. I got one from Radar ten years ago, all you had to do was tick a box to say you were eligible to buy it, no proof needed. It's like the can't wait cards, rather pointless as there's no regulation.

Sophsy · 29/03/2015 16:24

I'm disabled, but since I've been a mum I've been very aware that when the disabled toilet is also the baby changing I might be holding someone up who really needs to get in the disabled loo, and fast. Especially as the choice might be wetting or soiling themselves.

I've been considering making a little sign to hang on doors saying I'm just Changing the baby and if someone needs the loo to knock and I'll clear out for them.

Would that sort of thing be a way to solve the problems that the idiots created by putting baby change in the disabled toilet...

Eminybob · 29/03/2015 16:24

I use disabled toilets every day when I'm out and about as there is no way in hell I am leaving my baby in a pram outside the door in a public toilet.

The disabled loos are there to make life easier for disabled people, yes, but the most they would have to wait is 2 mins while I have a quick wee. Plus the baby changing unit is usually in the disabled loo anyway, so of course mums are going to use it, and what difference does it really make even if there isn't a baby change?

ArcheryAnnie · 29/03/2015 16:25

It's not up to the woman with crutches or anyone else to ask people to disclose to them why they are using the accessible loo, and she should have minded her own business.

Eminybob · 29/03/2015 16:28

I also use the disabled fitting room when I'm shopping with DS. Is that a problem?

maggiethemagpie · 29/03/2015 16:30

I have never, ever, understood disabled toilets to be toilets that only the disabled can use. Many a time I have used a disabled toilet due to laziness, or ease. If there was a disabled person in the queue at the same time as me I'd let them go first but usually there is no queue at all. Disability is not the same as incontinence, people. OK so there may be some disabilities that involve incontinence but the vast majority do not! So why would a disabled person not be able to wait outside for the person inside to finish, as a non disabled person would outside a normal toilet. And if they did have incontinence - what if there was another disabled person inside? Would that make it better?

Pat1ence · 29/03/2015 16:30

biscetti if your child can use any toilet I don't see how it supports your argument. You're saying if you had a pram you'd use the disabled toilet but if not, you wouldn't. I have an 8 year old in a very large wheelchair who needs to lay on the floor to be changed. He's almost as tall as me. We have no choice but to use a disabled toilet. You have a choice. My DS has bowel conditions. There's a strong chance that if you held us up while you were using the toilet with your pram in there, he would end up covered in his own loose bowel movements. Unless you've been in the middle of a shopping centre with a five stone non walking child sat in their own shit, I don't think you're ever going to understand how out of order you are.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/03/2015 16:30

yanbu at all. You needed an accessible toilet, nobody was queuing so you used it. So what, there will always be those who have a moan about it.

TheFairyCaravan · 29/03/2015 16:31

The disabled loos are there to make life easier for disabled people

No, they are there because they have to be there by law. Disabled people have to have access to the same facilities that non-disabled people do. It's great that they are provided, but it's not so great that we can't use them because so many people can't see the difference it makes while they "have a quick wee"!

hazeyjane · 29/03/2015 16:35

Wouldn't it be great if the local scouts and beavers could stand outside the disabled toilets handing out these

TheFairyCaravan · 29/03/2015 16:38

It certainly would hazy.

Those of you who think disabled toilets aren't only for disabled people, do you extend that to the ladies and gents?

Pat1ence · 29/03/2015 16:40

maggie have you ever noticed the disabled symbol on the door?

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