Was I BU to use the disabled toilet?

[Unplastered]

At a local national trust place today, just me with Dd age 6 and baby in his pram.
The baby change unit in the loos is just in the main area, there's a long row of (tiny) cubicles and a large disabled loo with a sink in.
Dd and I both needed the loo, there was nobody around, so I took both kids in the disabled loo.
As we came out there was a woman approaching the loos on a crutch. She hadn't been waiting - she was just approaching as we exited. She told me, sharply, that I shouldn't have used that loo, the baby changing wasn't in there. I said I knew that, we hadn't needed to use it, just wanted a bigger cubicle so as not to leave the baby outside. She replied it didn't make any difference as none of us was disabled.
Was I BU to use the disabled loo?

I use them my son doesn't look disabled either but he has ASD and learning difficulties and is still in nappies (he's is nearly five )

These threads always go the same way.

YABU
YANBU
YABVU
YADNBU
YABU
YANBU
Here have a
Disabled people can wait
Several people point out that quite often they can't
How did she know you didn't have a disability?
SWBU
General agreement that we need more accessible loos and a little more patience in the world, and more understanding of certain disabilities.
Someone pipes up with a 'DISABLED PEOPLE ARE SELFISH' comment
The cycle begins again.

Did I miss anything?

OP, in your situation, YABU. The six year old, assuming no SEN, could have waited with the pram right outside a smaller cubicle. If neither of you have continence issues or any disabilities, and there is only one accessible cubicle, YWBU to use the only one available.

I'd have used the cubicle too if the alternative was leaving my baby in a pram outside or juggling him on my knee whilst I went to the loo. Some people are just rude, that's not the persevere or the able-bodied.

preserve damn auto correct.

ragged The point is that in the case of there being someone else with a disability or a need to use it in the cubicle, the accident is inavoidable. If it's someone dragging her kids through the whole wash your hands, dry your hands, grab your bags, all together? Let's go, manouvre the pram out, etc etc that causes the person waiting to have an accident, that could have been entirely avoidable.

I would've done the same. I'm afraid when I need to go I need to go,I can't wait. I panic if I can't find a toilet. Have had a few accidents when I've thought I could hang on but no. It's not pretty.

Yanbu. That woman was, should've kept her snout out.

welsh your daughter could just have easily wet herself waiting for a disabled person in the cubicle.
I suffer with its and if I had to chose between soiling myself in an orderly queue or using an empty accessible toilet, I know what I'd do. Sometimes you just have to use common sense and show some compassion. Just because someone doesn't have a visible disability it doesn't mean that they need an accessible toilet to make life that little bit easier.
YANKS.

I don't think it's ever really tolerable. It's horrible and undignified and embarrassing for her. I could just suck it up better if the person keeping us waiting had a right to be there.

Do you know what, though, every time it's happened it's been mum+troupe of kids. We tend to be as quick as we physically can be, to free the cubicle up. Obviously it takes longer when I end up having to change her clothes.

I've never said a word to anyone - hidden disabilities and all, I don't want to judge - but the guilty faces when they see us waiting say it all.

YWBU
You could have had an invisible disability - but you don't
The woman wasn't left waiting - but she might have been.

There's never an excuse to a disabled toilet unless you have a temporary or permanent need or have been directed to do so by signage or cleaners.

Does that mean I've never ever done it? No. But I knew I was wrong and felt guilty. Would have been hugely embarrassed and apologetic if caught.

Surprised that most think YWNBU actually. Usually these threads go the other way.

But OhLordy, you have a condition which means that yes, you should use the disabled toilet. fair enough - the op doesn't.

And as far as someone disabled having to wait for someone disabled - what moomin said.

Dawn predictive text.
Ibs!
yanbu!

Revealing huge masochism since I always get flamed for this....

I'm not disabled (well, actually I am, but not in a way relevant to toileting).

I bought a Radar key on Ebay for the 7 yrs I was pushing a buggy.
One time a storm blew up at the beach & a huge queue of shivering beach goers needed toilets for changing I was glad to be able to open up the disabled toilets for everyone to use and let us all get home sooner.

That was like all the other dozen(s?) times I used my key & there was nobody in sight who cared.

ohlordy I've never seen anyone on any of these threads deny that someone with IBS or similar conditions shouldn't be allowed to use accessible toilets - we can get radar keys and Can't Wait Cards for these reasons. It's people who are using them out of convenience, because they can fit their pram and kids in there when really, the kids can wait just outside, or just because it's there and they want a little extra space.

Perhaps the posters who think YABU can explain or demonstrate how you get all 3 of you and pram in a small cubicle.

No need to. 6 year old should be able to go to the loo by herself, mum can take baby out of the pram. After all, OP would have had to manage if the disabled loo hadn't been available

So yes, OP definitely WBU. With a choice of several loos, she chose to use the one disabled loo available, and she must have been there for some time if both she and the 6 year old were using the loo and the baby had to be changed. As has been pointed out, if a disabled person with continence issues turned up just afterwards that wait could make the difference between wetting themselves and making it on time. Sure, the loo might have been occupied anyway by another disabled person, but the point is that it wasn't, was it?

I would've done the same. I'm afraid when I need to go I need to go,I can't wait. I panic if I can't find a toilet. Have had a few accidents when I've thought I could hang on but no. It's not pretty.

But surely you would just have used one of the ordinary loos if that had been the case?

Yanbu. You needed a toilet big enough to take all so you needed that toilet. Shes been unreasonable. By the way im not disabled but if my ibs plays up ill use whatever toilet i see first and thats the disabled i will use it!

Of course you weren't. I used them all the time when any of my kids were little. If any disabled person had been kept waiting I would have apologised; but continued to use them when necessary. I was never more than a couple of minutes...

What floggingmolly said

I worked with a wheelchair use as her PA, and it was very rare that we had to wait to use an accessible loo. But that is what they are - accessible, easier to use for those that need it. Not just those with disabilities. There is no law to say that only those with disabilities can use them. Radar keys can be purchased for a couple of pound, and proof of a disability isn't needed

OP, YWNBU, there is nothing wrong with using the loo easiest for you and your DC

IMO wheelchair accesible toilets are just that, they are accessible for wheelchair users. Obviously if you can use the ordinary one then do but IMO there is no reason why an able bodied person shouldn't use a wheelchair accessible one if there is no other choice and if someone is in there and a someone in a wheelchair comes along then they just have to wait their turn.

YWBVU. You are not disabled therefore you shouldn't have used the disabled toilet. It absolutely boils my piss that people think it is ok to do this. Look around you, there are far more "normal" toilets than there are disabled toilets. More often than not, most venues only have 1 or 2 disabled toilets, so when you mummies use it just because you can, the law of averages mean you will be inconveniencing a disabled person.

They aren't there for you to get your pram in, they're there for the use of disabled people. If you want bigger, family toilets campaign for them, like the disabled did.

Ragged there are absolutely no words for your behaviour. It was beyond selfish. I can not believe you had the audacity to do it. Selfish, selfish, selfish.

We use disabled toilets for ds who has ASD, he doesn't like the dryers and is scared when they suddenly come into use. We use normal cubicles as a last resort. Personally i wouldn't be bothered by a mum using the toilet with a baby in pushchair, I wouldn't want to leave my children outside of the cubicle. Obviously I'd hope that anyone using the toilets were as swift as they could possibly be. When ds needs the toilet he means now and there has been an occasion when he has wet himself as the toilet was in use, but by someone who WAS disabled, (was too late by then to get him to other toilets which were on the other side of building) so they're not always going to be available for quick access anyway.

Accessibility refers to the design of products, devices, services, or environments for people with disabilities.

From Wikipedia Accessibility

I am going to now do the inevitable 'link to a worthy campaign' that i always do on these threads

Please do look at this page, Changing Places campaigning for more fully accessible toilets. There is a petition too, if anyone wants to sign.

My ds is nearly 5 and like many disabled children and adults, have to be changed on cold, dirty floors (of the disabled toilet or wherever is free) as they are still in nappies. For older children and adults this becomes even more problematic because of the lack of hi/lo changing tables or hoists. Yes it is a pita going to the toilet with young children and babies in tow, I have been there (with 2 13 months apart, and 3 under 4 at one point) but it is temporary, disability isn't.

Haha, forgot the link!

www.changing-places.org/