Was I BU to use the disabled toilet?

[Unplastered]

At a local national trust place today, just me with Dd age 6 and baby in his pram.
The baby change unit in the loos is just in the main area, there's a long row of (tiny) cubicles and a large disabled loo with a sink in.
Dd and I both needed the loo, there was nobody around, so I took both kids in the disabled loo.
As we came out there was a woman approaching the loos on a crutch. She hadn't been waiting - she was just approaching as we exited. She told me, sharply, that I shouldn't have used that loo, the baby changing wasn't in there. I said I knew that, we hadn't needed to use it, just wanted a bigger cubicle so as not to leave the baby outside. She replied it didn't make any difference as none of us was disabled.
Was I BU to use the disabled loo?

Being challenged by others who know nothing about the nature of the disability they have is yet another source of unnecessary stress.

Alan perhaps with your ability to know someones medical circumstances at a glance you should work for the NHS? You could save them a fortune on tests and appointments

Why can't people RTFT before passing inane comments?

God, this thread gets worse. Virginia's and mumhum's comments were shocking!

Didn't think you had! I would read it if I were you, you might just understand why it is a problem that the OP used the accessible toilet.

You should stop challenging people on what they look like, not all disabilities are visible.

Sirzy

Groundhog Day.

to Hazey and Donna and those who've been arguing this for years, and still people don't get it.

I used to leave the buggy outside the toilet door, and leave the door ever so slightly ajar, and pee extremely fast. It is possible!

I'm utterly incredulous that people are saying that is worse (the tiny chance that someone might see your fanny), than someone soiling themselves in public. Talk about a loss of dignity.

All this nonsense about accessible or disabled toilets, when in actual fact the argument is about decency and empathy, and if you feel that your needs are greater than the needs of those who are already coping with the burden of their health issues.

How often do you reckon these scenarios happen:

1. A baby is abducted from INSIDE the ladies but outside the cubicle while mum has a quick wee

1. A disabled person soils themselves because the accessible toilet was not free.

Want to take a guess?

I've read the full thread and I still don't think that the OP was BU on this occasion.

Never challenged anyone on anything, nor claimed to diagnose any medical condition by looking at someone. Perhaps my comments weren't clear. Also well aware that not all disabilities are visible, never said otherwise. In fact I do think I said that...

But I refuse to believe that every able-bodied person who parks in a wheelchair space without a blue badge has a heart condition - if you believe that, then you can believe every mother of three coming out of an accessible toilet could have IBS.

Anyway! Continue fighting the good fight, I don't actually use accessible toilets myself, apart from when I was pregnant with twins and had SPD so couldn't climb stairs to "normal" toilets in shopping centre - but I probably shouldn't have used it then either. It must be a terrible situation to be in need of something and not be able to use it because of someone who clearly doesn't need it, so I understand all the anger.

Alans
My dad has a blue badge because of COPD. You can't tell by looking at him, but if he has to walk longer distances, particularly in cold weather, he has trouble breathing. It's pretty terrifying when he's gasping for breath, and when it's windy he sometimes can't go out at all.

Try looking up EDS alans. You wouldn't know if dd two is disabled or not.

XP Alans
I've sneered at people, when seeing them in a disabled bay, so I know where you are coming from. Especially when you see how many on this thread have said they'd use accessible loos!

MmeLindor My own father in law had COPD, I know how difficult that is.

Why has this turned into a thread on whether or not I can diagnose someone's illness by looking at them?! I was on about people WITHOUT blue badges parking in wheelchair spaces, or people WITHOUT kids parking in child/baby spaces.

Services must be really really shit if there's this much anger in 22 pages about a toilet.

YANBU at all. You were just trying to do what you thought was the best/safest thing for you and your dc in the circumstances.

You were just trying to do what you thought was the best/safest thing for you and your dc in the circumstances and fuck anyone else who has no other choice of facilities?

Alans when I was pregnant with DS2(18) I had such severe SPD I was in a wheelchair. I'm still on crutches and will never get better. I am currently waiting my 6th major operation on my pelvis in 9 years because my pelvis is now degenerating. I am in absolute agony. People push in front of me to get lifts and see me coming towards disabled toilets on my crutches and rush in witn their buggies to change their baby's nappy or use the toilet. It leaves me standing outside in excruciating pain. Fortunately, for now, my pelvic floor is quite good, fuck knows what it will be like after my op!

Sorry, Alans. I XPed with your later post. Didn't mean for you to feel attacked.

YANBU at all. You were just trying to do what you thought was the best/safest thing for you and your dc in the circumstances.

No, she was being 100% selfish!

That's terrible, TheFairyCaravan. Mine wasn't severe, but it was bloody murder not being able to take any pain relief for those few months. Physio helped, I was lucky. I avoided leaving the house for the last 6 weeks because of the pain and the nuisance of not being able to go anywhere at any kind of pace - I am sorry that you're still suffering, it must be agony.

A lot of the changing areas are still in the accessible loo - my local library has a male, female, and wheelchair loo but the changing table is in the wheelchair one. Same with most shopping centres around, doesn't really make sense but I always thought that accessible just meant more room for a wheelchair or buggy - hence the bigger door - bit ignorant of me I suppose after reading this tread.

Thank you Alans. It's very good of you to admit you were a bit ignorant too, not many do. [fowers]

even

I would say that Severe SPD would be a more Than valid reason to use disabled toilets, it may be only short term for most but it still massively impacts mobility.

I think I am hyper sensitive to people judging disability by appearance as I have had people telling me ds should be using the steps not blocking the lifts before now - he is severely asthmatic and struggles with stairs, but because he looks like a normal 5 year old people judge.

That must be very hard, Sirzy. The protective instinct is very strong when a little one is going through something that may not be visible.

to you too TheFairyCaravan - hope you get some relief at some stage, can't imagine having to go through that on a prolonged basis.

alans.

Sounds like a bit of a nightmare Marios, but they shouldn't need to start the process again. Why aren't they using the notes and observations from the initial process? Have they discussed this with you?

I am not sure, this time the team kick started it. I've had a terrible time with the school too, they clearly think i've managed to potty train my 9 and 3 year olds and haven't bothered trying with my 5 year old, like i've forgotten, or deliberately not bothered. they pressured me to send him in underpants until recently and they were taking him to the toilet every 30 minutes. it didn't work of course, he still peed his pants i told them it wouldn't, but they immediately blamed the lack of success on me.

now i have a lot of support through the continence nurse the school have backed off, we have a diary and timed drinks and toilet visits. Plus they let him wear a pullup now. and we get free nappies.

Have sent you a message, Marios.

Dawndonnaagain

"Trevaron Please read the thread."
"Thank you."

I did.

Hence my reply.