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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My relative wants me to vote by proxy for a party I hate

151 replies

redrose80 · 27/03/2015 17:38

I've namechanged in case she's on here

Sister in Law currently abroad. has asked me to vote for her by proxy.

She wants me to vote Tory.

I am voting Labour.

Our whole family are and always have been Labour.

I'm shocked! I think it's the influence of where she currently is and her foreign partner (very conservative country)

I do not want to go against her wishes but I'm really not happy about it.

DH said I should and that she wouldn't know.

I honestly cannot believe it!

OP posts:

FaceofNubia · 27/03/2015 23:41

Unless i haven't read this thread properly, it sounds like you've misinterpreted what OP said. i read that quote as "in the past", we do not know what they were disagreeing about in the past, and i haven't seen where the SIL has threatened OP from seeing her children unless she votes for her??? (pls point to where if i'm wrong).

that has nothing to do with this particular case.

emotionsecho · 27/03/2015 23:46

I'm unsurprised by the SIL refusing the family visits, it's clear they all dislike her the OP even said "my dh can't stand her" and now OP has gone tittle-tattling to the in-laws about how her SIL is voting, frankly I don't think I'd be welcoming them with open arms either.

emotionsecho · 27/03/2015 23:50

The OP isn't going against her conscience she is voting the way her conscience dictates and her SIL is voting the way hers does.

GatoradeMeBitch · 27/03/2015 23:52

Actually FaceofNubia, the OP isn't conspiring with anyone. Didn't you read her remarks? Personally, I think you're asking for trouble if you request a staunch supporter of one party your proxy voter. The woman must know at least one Tory voter (I'm well aware who the Tories in my family are!)

FaceofNubia · 27/03/2015 23:53

emotion Yes and that as well. Do people not realise that others can tell when you dislike them? when you gossip about them, they won't know? especially in an inlaw context, she's not daft she probably knows.

We don't know what the disagreement was about and OP hasn't shared it, but if its anything like what she's saying in this thread, one can only imagine.

"We vote labour in this family"
"This is how WE do things"
"ALL the children in our family go to xxx school"
"NOBODY in this family works for xxxx"
"Xmas dinner's at xxxxx" that's how WE'VE always done it
'Mother's day is at xxxx'

I'd ave thrown the lot of them out a long time ago.

FaceofNubia · 28/03/2015 00:01

Gastorade Sorry not conspiring, "gossiping'.

I think you're asking for trouble if you request a staunch supporter of one party your proxy voter. The woman must know at least one Tory voter

I don't think you're asking for trouble. I'd like to think my SIL was a bigger and better person than to be so small minded over something that is none of her business!

i'd also have thought much bigger of the person i'm asking who has cheerfully said, "Yes, i'll do that for you" only to turn round and cast that vote for their own party. I'd like to have a much bigger opinion of my relatives particularly the one I have entrusted with my vote.

HmmAnOxfordComma · 28/03/2015 00:01

Still completely dumbfounded that people are admitting to thinking it acceptable to cast a proxy vote for a party other than that which you have been asked to cast it for.

Absolutely and totally immoral.

emotionsecho · 28/03/2015 00:03

SIL apparently chose the OP "because she trusts me", I doubt she'll make that mistake again as the OP is seemingly quite happy to abuse that trust.

Bogeyface · 28/03/2015 00:28

Face no I was referring to the fact that the OP felt she couldnt say no as the SIL has kicked off in the past and she wants to avoid that again. That is manipulative.

Bogeyface · 28/03/2015 00:29

I dont see how the OP has abused anyones trust either.

Her conscience wont allow her to cast a vote for a party she hates, fair enough, but family pressure and a stroppy SIL means that she feels she cant say no. It is a lose/lose for the OP.

GatoradeMeBitch · 28/03/2015 00:40

Ultimately no-one will see her vote, so she could vote as her SIL asked and then tell her family she voted for Labour instead - but then she runs the risk of SIL finding out! You have involved too many people OP!

So - your family want you to be the proxy voter because they don't want her to be angry, but they want you to change her vote, which would probably make her even angrier if she ever found out (and she could find this thread one day - I'd get it deleted if I were you). Tell that to your family. Really, you've either got to refuse, or vote the way she asks, I suppose.

GatoradeMeBitch · 28/03/2015 00:42

But she isn't emotionsecho, she's been saying she doesn't think it's right.

emotionsecho · 28/03/2015 01:00

I've re-read the OP's posts Gatorade and you are right but I still don't think she should have involved the in-laws as she knew what they would say and I feel OP is trying to justify changing her SIL's vote because that's what the family wants/would do. I also think she came here in the hope people would back up her dh and in-laws stance.

Zebda · 28/03/2015 01:10

I think you SIL shows a woeful lack of judgement in asking you to be her proxy as you are clearly not equipped for the responsibility it involves. Who she chooses to vote for is none of your business, you agreed to act as proxy, your views, (and those of your family, your cat etc..) are irrelevant. In accepting the role of proxy you agree to conduct her wishes.

You come across as a bit immature, following your family etc. I do agree with pp that postal votes are the best way forward however, as you avoid this kind of situation.

MaryWestmacott · 28/03/2015 09:40

As many others have said, it's not a second vote for you to use, it's her vote. If you do anything other than vote Tory for her, you will be saying that you don't believe in one citizen one vote, but that some should have no vote and others have multiple votes.

If she was say, living in the next street but had broken her leg on the day of the election and asked you for a lift to the polling station, would you refuse to give it if you thought she would vote "the wrong way"? Or hide her polling card or try to stop her her in any way? Or would you think that was rather beneath you and not democratic?

Help her vote, she's not asking you to "vote for the Tories" she's asking you to help her vote the way she wants. It's not about you and what you want, it's about being democratic.

(I tend to find "families who always have and always will be XXXX party" rather sad, it seems to be voting for tribal reasons, nothing to do with who will actually make the best government for our country, or anything to do with policies. My parents are like that, they will say that Ed Milliband would make the best PM, ask them why or what his policies are, not a clue. They find it very weird that in the last 3 elections I've voted for a different party each time based on which I thought would be best from their policies and current ideology)

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 28/03/2015 09:45

I would never vite Tory but if I was asked to proxy vote on behalf of a friend or relative who wanted to vote Tory, then I would do so without feeling it was an issue.

It is far more important to ensure that the principles of democracy are upheld than that your own political principles are compromised.

I don't understand why your SIL can't have a postal vote, which would be the obvious way round the issue.

Edsgreypatch · 28/03/2015 09:57

Gosh , how very erm, backward and not terribly bright to all vote as one.

Do you all live in the same street and go to Bingo together? How deliciously Labour

PilchardPrincess · 28/03/2015 10:10

You need to tell her no. Won't your husband, her brother, do it? Why does it have to be you?

I don't think I would do this. I would ask them to find someone else.

HouseHubs · 28/03/2015 12:25

I would cast her vote on her behalf as she wishes, even if it was for a party I vehemently disagreed with. Even if it was for UKIP or the BNP. You would not be casting a vote for a party you hate, you are allowing her to exercise her legal, democratic right to vote. If you don't act as her proxy, and she cannot find anyone else to do it for her, you are effectively disenfranchising her. If you value democracy at all you have to suck it up and allow people of different views to do so.

But always remind yourself that you aren't voting for the tories, you are merely allowing her to exercise her democratic right to do so. This isn't about voting tory, it's about democracy and people's right to vote.

I act as a presiding officer at a polling station each election. I am effectively facilitating hundreds of people to vote for parties that I don't like. But that's their right - I wouldn't want it any other way.

cosytoaster · 28/03/2015 12:31

I think the best thing would be to politely refuse, however if she is so difficult this would cause family problems then I'd go ahead and vote labour - and tough shit to her!

Lonelyimpulseofdelight · 28/03/2015 12:37

(Hands up - I've only read the first & last pages)

OP you would be off the scale unreasonable to take your SIL's vote and use it to support the political party of your choice. A vote is one of the most precious things we have in this country and you would be utterly immoral to steal it from her.

hackmum · 28/03/2015 12:44

I have in the past cast a proxy vote for a friend who'd moved abroad - however, we both vote the same way, so it wasn't a problem.

I find the SiL's behaviour a little odd. Doesn't she know any Conservative voters who could vote for her? It seems really strange that she is insisting the OP act as her proxy.

PuttingouthefirewithGasoline · 28/03/2015 13:14

I don't know and dare not ask what my own DH votes, its his business. How controlling to want to dictate this, it staggers me.

seriouslypeedoff · 28/03/2015 13:23

So many things wrong here. Starting with 'the whole family vote labour' . She has chosen to vote for someone else. Which her right. I am really disgusted that people think its ok to either not place ger vote or attempt to defraud an election.

If you can't bring yourself to do it, tell her.

susyot · 28/03/2015 13:52

I'm a labour supporter. I would have no problem casting a proxy vote for any of the mainstream parties. If I was asked to cast a vote for a party like the national front then I would possibly decline to be a proxy but even then I would not discuss their vote with anyone else.

I'm pretty disgusted that not only are you considering stealing her vote but are also discussing it with others. Why?

If you have any doubts about your ability to act as a proxy then you MUST decline.

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