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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My relative wants me to vote by proxy for a party I hate

151 replies

redrose80 · 27/03/2015 17:38

I've namechanged in case she's on here

Sister in Law currently abroad. has asked me to vote for her by proxy.

She wants me to vote Tory.

I am voting Labour.

Our whole family are and always have been Labour.

I'm shocked! I think it's the influence of where she currently is and her foreign partner (very conservative country)

I do not want to go against her wishes but I'm really not happy about it.

DH said I should and that she wouldn't know.

I honestly cannot believe it!

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 27/03/2015 18:22

I don't see why you needed anyone else's advice. It was a simple, legal request. Your views shouldn't come into it.

Either do it as she asked or tell her you won't.

brainfidget · 27/03/2015 18:23

Really out of order that some on here see a "stolen" vote for their chosen party as more important than ensuring basic democratic principles are followed.

And OP, she trusts you! Yet you've disclosed her private voting info, creating divisions within your family, and are considering committing electoral fraud; a criminal offence.

Not good.

Nolim · 27/03/2015 18:32

Yabvu. It is her choice, either help her or not, but do not decieve her. And i honestly dont think that an adult should refuse to help another to exercise their democratic rights on the basis of their political views.

And as a citizen she has the right to vote. Just because she doesnt live in the uk it does not mean that politics have no impact on her life.

Kittykatmary · 27/03/2015 18:32

I agree with your dh op but only if she lives in a marginal seat Grin.

No if she is living out of the U.K. than it is morally wrong to vote in an election that is going to effect many people but not you.

Kittykatmary · 27/03/2015 18:34

Oh it was a joke about marginal seat btw. No I think you should refuse op if you can't stand the Tories.

HairyPotter · 27/03/2015 18:34

I hope this is a wind up but if not, yabu.

I'm shocked that anyone could find this ok. If you don't want to do what she's asked you them don't. It's really that simple.

Dawndonnaagain · 27/03/2015 18:38

Many years ago my grandmother wasn't too well. She was a Tory Councillor. I was a Labour Councillor. I was her proxy. I voted Tory for her. I wouldn't have dreamt of doing anything else. It was her vote, not mine.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 27/03/2015 18:40

How dare you think you can violate the electoral process? And why do you think you should get two votes and deprive her of her electoral rights?! Either agree to be her proxy and cast her vote as she wishes or don't agree to do it. Interfering with the electoral process is a criminal offence.

You can vote in general elections in the constituency for which you were previously resident for up to 15 years after you move abroad provided you are a British citizen and meet the usual election eligibility.

I am not a Tory voter myself but that's irrelevant.

Morelikeguidelines · 27/03/2015 18:41

Tell her to find someone else or vote by post.

2rebecca · 27/03/2015 18:43

I would just refuse and suggest she gets someone in her family preferably a Tory voter to do it.

SunshineAndShadows · 27/03/2015 18:47

YABVVVU. I lived overseas for 5 years - during that time my Dad was my proxy voter and I trusted him to respect my wishes even though we had different political views. We both believe in the democratic system and the right to vote - he would never have dreamed of defrauding my wishes for my vote. I returned to the UK a couple of years ago and so my vote in the last general election did count in that I at least had my say in terms of the political system I was returning to. Just because people live overseas it doesn't mean that their opinions are no longer relevant.

Postal votes are not always practical depending on where you live overseas.

If you can't respect your sister's right to hold a different political viewpoint to you then you need to ensure she finds someone more reliable as her proxy. Its her right to vote for what she believes in - thats how democracy works. You get your vote, its reasonable that she gets hers too.

wigglesrock · 27/03/2015 18:48

It doesn't matter how happy you are doing it Shock , it's her vote. Either use her vote the way she has requested or tell her you can't be her proxy. Honestly I don't know how you cope with everyday life if you're turning this into such a drama. Do you know how your co-workers, friends, childrens teacher, Dr, dentist etc vote? Do you only speak to people with the same political views as you? How arrogant and small minded you must be.

OverAndAbove · 27/03/2015 18:49

FFS either help her out by voting on her behalf according to her wishes, or don't, and decline.

I'd rather shoot myself than vote Tory for myself, but if one of my family entrusted their (hard-fought, in some cases) democratic right to vote to me, then I would Just Do It

FaceofNubia · 27/03/2015 18:53

Do people really believe in 'family votes' Hmm as in 'this is who we vote for'
what utter rubbish! its up to each individual to decide who they want to vote for and not for other to dictate.

Even dh and I don't vote for the same party, and ds supports the 'green party'. The debates are quite interesting and waiting to see who will win.

Helping your SIL to vote doesn't in anyway compromise your own beliefs, you're still voting for your personal choice.

Trapper · 27/03/2015 18:54

Lol @ 'we don't gossip about her'

Fleecyleesy · 27/03/2015 18:54

I would think it's some sort of offence to agree to be someone's proxy and then not vote as per their wishes. I'd cast her vote as she wishes on this occasion. It's not like she's asking you to vote BNP which I can see would be against people's principles, she's just asking you to vote for one of the main parties.

Kewcumber · 27/03/2015 18:54

I think this must be one of the most depressing opening posts I've ever read.

Kewcumber · 27/03/2015 18:58

though to be fair the replies have mostly been very heartening!

MrsHathaway · 27/03/2015 18:58

I suspect this will be irrelevant but IIRC there have been vote-matching arrangements in marginal constituencies and you might feel better about voting Con if you thought it would keep UKIP out (say).

Say you are in a constituency where Labour will come nowhere, and you hate UKIP. You get matched with a person who also hates UKIP, but is in a constituency where their LD preference counts for cock all. You vote LD, they vote Labour, and UKIP are blocked in both places.

It's a tricky one in real life, though, if you don't want to compromise your beliefs and also don't want to fall out with her.

FaceofNubia · 27/03/2015 18:58

and by the way, if your SIL IS on here, I'm sure its not going to be too hard to figure who you are form the info given:

SIL is abroad
Whole family usually votes labour
she wants to vote Tory
Married to a foreigner
Lives In a very right wing country
Asked her SIL to vote by proxy for her
Probably knows your an MNer as well!

How many people do you think by stroke of luck match this description?

MrsAidanTurner · 27/03/2015 19:01

Our whole family are and always have been Labour

Ummm....isnt Labour right - now anyway? All an indistinguishable mush...
Anyway, its silly to always vote for one party just because, its not tribal you know.

You should look at policies and choose each time.

so YABU.

whattheseithakasmean · 27/03/2015 19:02

OllyBJolly your relationship sound a bit half hearted. On the day of the referendum, DH & I strolled hand in hand to vote, voted opposite ways, and happily walked home together. We have total respect for each others right to form our own conclusions & act on that basis. You sound like the way he planned to vote really influenced your opinion of him, which isn't love enough for me.

kittycatz · 27/03/2015 19:04

It is her democratic right to vote for the party of her choice. People saying that people who live abroad have no right to vote when it doesn't affect them are being very unreasonable. Of course it affects us - I live in Europe. Many of us will be returning to the UK and others are very very much affected by party policies on the EU and whether to stay in or not.
She has asked the OP to vote for her by proxy. It is very simple - the OP votes for the party she requests or she tells her that she can not be her proxy voter. She could contact the local tory party association - I know that they do proxy votes. My Dad used to be very involved in a party and every election he would do proxy votes for random people.
My Dad is my proxy in the next election. He is a lifelong supporter of a particular party. I have also supported them in the past. I am thinking about voting for another party this time and have told him this. He said that he will vote for whichever party I say and has no problem with this.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 27/03/2015 19:04

I'm really shocked at how many are saying they would vote for their own choice rather than how someone wished them to in this situation.

And the left say that the right are morally bankrupt Hmm

MrsAidanTurner · 27/03/2015 19:06

Anyway I agree with people saying your tampering with the law and the integrity of democracy itself, by even thinking of changing her vote which means you don't agree with democracy Sad but you think your a lovely sweet Labour supporter?

Isn't vote tampering the sort of Thing the Stalins and ChairMan Mao of this world do?

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