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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My relative wants me to vote by proxy for a party I hate

151 replies

redrose80 · 27/03/2015 17:38

I've namechanged in case she's on here

Sister in Law currently abroad. has asked me to vote for her by proxy.

She wants me to vote Tory.

I am voting Labour.

Our whole family are and always have been Labour.

I'm shocked! I think it's the influence of where she currently is and her foreign partner (very conservative country)

I do not want to go against her wishes but I'm really not happy about it.

DH said I should and that she wouldn't know.

I honestly cannot believe it!

OP posts:
BramwellBrown · 27/03/2015 17:55

You have 2 choices, you either tell her you wont do it or you vote tory as she has asked, I'm shocked that anyone would think it was ok to change someone elses vote!

SukieTuesday · 27/03/2015 17:55

I agree with the others. Point her at Tory HQ and let them sort it for her.

You could send her this by way of an explanation. (warning - not for little ears or if viewing at work)

m.youtube.com/watch?v=0YBumQHPAeU

MrsCakesPrecognitionisSwitched · 27/03/2015 17:56

I'm not clear why the entire family is gossiping about her voting choice. I would have thought it should be a private matter between the voter, the ballot box, and where necessary, the proxy. Not a matter for general chitchat.

SukieTuesday · 27/03/2015 17:56

Not for little ears ^ or work.

BertieBotts · 27/03/2015 17:58

If she trusts you then you should vote for her choice.

I live abroad and use a postal vote - it's easier all around.

DailyFailSideBarOfShame · 27/03/2015 17:59

Why on earth do you 'have' to do it? Tell her to ask her parents or your husband! Why on earth would she ask you before them anyway?

Original poster
redrose80 · 27/03/2015 17:59

she still gets mail etc sent to inlaws house and hasn't taken citizenship where she is now afaik

we dont gossip about her, I just wanted inlaws advice as I dont want to cause any trouble and to find out if she had mentioned it to them, which she hadnt

OP posts:
yellowdinosauragain · 27/03/2015 18:00

I don't see why it's down to you to be unable to refuse because doing so would cause problems for your family. She's your dh's sister. Surely is down to him to do it or not, not you.

Agree with others that you either decline or vote in life with her wishes. It's totally out of order to vote as you wish.

Original poster
redrose80 · 27/03/2015 18:00

meant to say inlaws are also on holiday then to spain (but doing a postal vote)

OP posts:
BramwellBrown · 27/03/2015 18:00

Cross-post. You told her parents who she wanted to vote for?!! If she wanted them to know she would have told them, its not up to you to gossip about her choices, she trusted you, I suggest you talk to her before they do and dont be surprised if tjis cayses major issues and destroys her trust, I would be furious in her position!

TooSpotty · 27/03/2015 18:01

Postal vote for her, then you're not involved. Does she know about postal voting or has she assumed that proxy voting is the only way? You can easily say you're worried about the responsibility of it all - imagine for example that something happened on the day to stop you voting, and then also being unable to place her vote too. You don't need to decline on the basis of who she wants to vote for. I can see why you would find it galling, but if the position was reversed and she refused to vote for Labour on your behalf, or even worse voted for another party without your knowledge, you would be very unhappy I'd imagine.

SueChef · 27/03/2015 18:03

Yabu - it's democracy innit.

Just vote Tory and wash your hands afterwards Grin

Madamecastafiore · 27/03/2015 18:03

I think it's pretty bloody off that you have decided to tell all and sundry to be blunt an I think you have absolutely no scruples to even think about not casting her vote for the party she has asked you to.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 27/03/2015 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grovel · 27/03/2015 18:06

Is the constituency marginal?

If yes, politely decline.

If no, vote according to her wishes.

Madamecastafiore · 27/03/2015 18:06

FFS she is a grown up too and doesn't have to vote as your family think she should. I think you wanted to put the cat amongst the pigeons as you don't much like her anyway.

OllyBJolly · 27/03/2015 18:06

My head says it's her democratic right to vote for whoever she chooses and a proxy is just an instrument for that choice.

My heart? I only got married a year and a bit ago and my DH moved in. He was going to vote the "other" way in the Scottish referendum and I really dragged my heels about putting him on the voters' roll. Thankfully, he had come round to my way of thinking by the deadline. (and is now more fervent than I am)

I do know I was very wrong.

SukieTuesday · 27/03/2015 18:06

She chose to disclose who she wants to vote for.

aquashiv · 27/03/2015 18:07

I would say yes and vote Green.

SukieTuesday · 27/03/2015 18:08

So her brother can't sort out his vote on his own either Grin

SukieTuesday · 27/03/2015 18:09

Sorry, got Ollie mixed up with the OP there.

EveDallas · 27/03/2015 18:11

My dad proxy voted for me the whole time I was in the Army - even when I was based in the UK I let him continue for ease. He'd do the locals and General for me, checking each time in case my vote had changed. I asked him rather than my mum because I didn't trust her to vote what I wanted rather than what she wanted. I don't know if my dad agreed with my vote or not, but I trust that he stuck to my wishes.

You should just do as she asks. If you really can't then you need to tell her. I think you are being bloody ridiculous though, it's not your vote it's hers and its up to her what she does with it. You might not agree with her but it's nothing to do with you.

If you can't be trusted then you need to tell her.

specialsubject · 27/03/2015 18:17

wow, lot of people here who don't like other people's choices. It's called democracy, people. Don't like it? Go somewhere which doesn't have it.

it is a PROXY - that means it is her vote, not yours.

BertieBotts · 27/03/2015 18:21

I am totally shocked at the amount of people who say they would vote differently to how the person wanted! Wow!! I hope nobody ever chooses you to vote for them. Shock

emotionsecho · 27/03/2015 18:22

Indeed special, intolerant people who can't abide the fact that some people may not agree with them so resort to shaming them or in one case conspiring to remove their democratric right to vote from them.