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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My relative wants me to vote by proxy for a party I hate

151 replies

redrose80 · 27/03/2015 17:38

I've namechanged in case she's on here

Sister in Law currently abroad. has asked me to vote for her by proxy.

She wants me to vote Tory.

I am voting Labour.

Our whole family are and always have been Labour.

I'm shocked! I think it's the influence of where she currently is and her foreign partner (very conservative country)

I do not want to go against her wishes but I'm really not happy about it.

DH said I should and that she wouldn't know.

I honestly cannot believe it!

OP posts:

BuggersMuddle · 27/03/2015 20:44

If you can't do it, then don't do it, but do not change her vote.

Consider how much strife people have gone through in order to obtain universal suffrage. Consider also the obligation on you as a proxy voter.

I am not a 'rule abider' in many Mumsnet threads, but in this instance you either do as she asks or tell her you can't do it because of your strong views. If it's not a marginal I would probably do it for her, but as others have said, she could ask for a postal vote.

TBH I would never ask for a proxy who wasn't on my wavelength (politically) if I could avoid it, but then DP and I often talk each other into the same vote by election time (or for Scottish Parliament, same for constituency, different for list).

BuggersMuddle · 27/03/2015 20:44

Also, don't think it's that identifiable tbh....

drudgetrudy · 27/03/2015 20:47

I would not on any account vote against her wishes, its completely dishonest, but I couldn't bring myself to vote Tory on her behalf.
I would have to tell her I couldn't do it so to arrange another proxy or a postal vote.
Perhaps tell her to ask her brother (DH) or a member of her own family and leave you out of it.
Personally I would tell her in a joking manner that I'd be struck down by lightening if I voted Tory even for someone else so she would need to make other arrangements.

pluCaChange · 27/03/2015 21:00

I once performed a proxy vote, and teased my friend beforehand that I would cast her vote for the Monster Raving Loony Party, and give her my vote in exchange. I was joking, of course, and she knew I was, but I still made the point of giving her my own vote in exchange!

We ended up wanting to vote the same anyway. I felt like Big Bitch Boss in the polling station, with my TWO sets of polling cards.

GatoradeMeBitch · 27/03/2015 22:05

Am I understanding this correctly? Your family would be furious with you if you refused to vote for her, but they are all encouraging you to vote against her wishes? I don't get that! It's just one vote, it's not going to affect anything. Either vote the way she asked you to, or tell her you can't do it.

Bogeyface · 27/03/2015 22:40

So morally you should say no you wont do it, or agree and cast her vote as she wishes.

In reality, I would agree to do it and vote labour.

GatoradeMeBitch · 27/03/2015 22:42

(Well, me too Bogeyface but I wasn't going to say it! All votes against the Evil Empire help...)

OOAOML · 27/03/2015 22:45

It seems really weird that you would discuss this with her family, and that she's asked you and not one of them. When I read the thread title, I thought it was going to be the BNP or something - I get that you don't like the Tories, I've never voted Tory myself, but if someone needed me to be their proxy I would. During the Scottish referendum, DH and I were on opposite 'sides' and we did once discuss what to do if we needed proxies. It would have been tough, but we were prepared to do it. I also don't get the 'my whole family also votes Labour' - do you all discuss this every time? Has nobody ever changed their opinion over time?

If you really can't do it tell her she needs to ask someone else, but don't lie and misuse her vote. And be prepared for the fallout if/when she finds out you've been discussing it.

shil0846 · 27/03/2015 22:51

What exactly does the OP like about Labour? Is it lying, breach of trust, acting undemocratically, trying to impose their will regardless?

Talk about birds of a feather...the OP sounds odious (and fraudulent).

tiggytape · 27/03/2015 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 27/03/2015 22:54

Either decline or vote for who she tells you to. You don't need to do it but you should not lie to her about what you will do.

Can she ask someone else?

WitchesGlove · 27/03/2015 23:00

Oh FGS, it's only the Tory party, I thought you were going to say it was the BNP, that would be understandable!

And I wouldn't vote Tory or labour for that matter either, but I'd proxy vote for anyone I think except the BNP, although I hardly think one vote will really make a difference.

CocobearSqueeze · 27/03/2015 23:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

TwinkieTwinkle · 27/03/2015 23:06

Can't believe some replies here. She has entrusted you with her vote, you do it. It's not like she is asking you to kill a small animal.

FaceofNubia · 27/03/2015 23:09

OP when last I checked, there was very little difference in policies between Labour and Conservatives..honest the line between them is so fine at the moment if you're a new voter its hard to decide which one to choose. Its not like you are voting for Lib deems and she is voting for the Christian peoples party is it?

What is your angst really about?, i've never witnessed so much fuss, and this "our family have always voted" sounds infantile, don't you have differences of opinion in your family? isn't it allowed? are you the mafia

Bogeyface · 27/03/2015 23:10

It's not like she is asking you to kill a small animal.

No she is just asking that you vote for a party that is happy to let young children go without food thanks to draconian benefit sanctions, is privatising the NHS by stealth and hits the poor, disabled and desperate with cuts rather than dealing with big business tax avoidance or making winter fuel payments etc means tested.

So thats fine

AnnaFiveTowns · 27/03/2015 23:13

It really pisses me off that somebody living overseas has the right to vote for a political party/policies that will not impact upon them. It's hardly democratic.

I would refuse to do it for this reason alone, irrespective of which party she wanted to vote for.

tiggytape · 27/03/2015 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeyroar · 27/03/2015 23:21

OP she asked you because she obviously (with good reason it seems!) doesn't trust her own family members. Unfortunately it seems you are as untrustworthy as them and not fit to be her proxy voter. It's immoral, illegal (surely?) and disgusting to tamper with someone's vote.

BertieBotts · 27/03/2015 23:23

It really pisses me off that so many people on this thread take such umbrage at British citizens living abroad have the right to vote. Really??

I fully intend to vote. The policies do affect me because they affect my family and friends back home and, surprisingly, I might want to come back at some point. Not if we are not welcome, though.

Besides it makes far more sense for me to vote in UK elections given I have experience of what it's actually like to live there and a working knowledge of the parties. If I had to vote where I live then I'd be picking at random. Haven't got a clue.

PollyCazaletWannabe · 27/03/2015 23:23

I might be flamed here but I don't understand this thread at all it's fine to have principles, but you are not going against your principles by casting her vote for her. You are merely representing her, and as you are in effect not operating as yourself, your principles don't come into it, surely? All this hand-wringing is moot because her vote is actually nothing to do with you at all.

FaceofNubia · 27/03/2015 23:30

Bogeyface Whatever your opinion of the Tories is, is just that, yours! It is her bloody right to vote for whoever she wants and thousands of people will be voting for that very same party. It is her right by law whatever you think and the Tories are a bonafide party.

It amazes me how people even in a country like the U.K have such close minded ideas and think that they really have the right to dictate what other people can and can't do!

If OP had any integrity what she should be doing is DECLINING to vote on her behalf and leave the matter the rest, not conspiring with her family to twist her vote, that is vote rigging and totally dishonest!!! does labour need votes that bad? really???

Call the woman, tell her you feel strongly about it and unfortunately cannot vote by proxy for her and stop being so judgemental. We can't all vote for the same party whatever you think!

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 27/03/2015 23:34

And also, the bit about refusing to let you visit her when you've disagreed. Depends on the scope of the disagreement, but I would hardly be proffering invites to people I'd fallen out with!

Bogeyface · 27/03/2015 23:36

I agree Face, I was merely commenting on the "She isnt asking you to kill a small animal" thing. No, but she is asking the Op to go against her own personal convictions, which the OP isnt happy about and using emotional blackmail and threats to ensure the OP doesnt say no.

She has refused to allow us to visit her and her daughters in the past when we have disagreed with her on things. So despite the fact that the OP doesnt want to do it, and morally should indeed refuse to do it, she is being forced to do it by a manipulative person.

So she has to choose between a massive family fall out caused by a spoiled brat, or going against her own conscience.

TraceyTrickster · 27/03/2015 23:41

I live overseas. My proxy votes as I request because he understands how important having a bvote is...even if he disagrees with me.

I trust him implicitly and know he will vote as I ask- not how he thinks I should. That's democracy for you. People are allowed to have different views to you.

If you cannot vote how she asks, you must refuse to be her proxy and allow her to find someone else- although you have left it rather late. Mt local government contacted me in early Feb to tell me that they would send my friend the proxy form and was I still happy with my choice...and he received acknowledgment too.

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