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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My relative wants me to vote by proxy for a party I hate

151 replies

redrose80 · 27/03/2015 17:38

I've namechanged in case she's on here

Sister in Law currently abroad. has asked me to vote for her by proxy.

She wants me to vote Tory.

I am voting Labour.

Our whole family are and always have been Labour.

I'm shocked! I think it's the influence of where she currently is and her foreign partner (very conservative country)

I do not want to go against her wishes but I'm really not happy about it.

DH said I should and that she wouldn't know.

I honestly cannot believe it!

OP posts:
Ludways · 27/03/2015 19:08

You should ask her to find someone else to do it. My mum always helped my grandmother vote as she was blind, my mum always guided her hand to the box my grandmother had stipulated even though it went against her own views. I think it's a terrible breach of trust to suggest otherwise.

Inertia · 27/03/2015 19:10

You can't vote against her wishes.

I would tell her to arrange a postal vote - put the ball back in her court, so she has to actually be bothered enough to organise it.

Floisme · 27/03/2015 19:13

Are there really many people saying that? I've counted three.

emotionsecho · 27/03/2015 19:14

On the 'people abroad/in Europe' voting in UK elections, this is perfectly acceptable and allowed, a number of people have their incomes/pensions paid into UK bank accounts, pay tax on it in the UK and are therefore perfectly entitled to vote where they pay their tax.

Many of the citizens from various EU countries who are currently in the UK retain the right to vote in the elections of their home countries and this is facilitated by centres being set up in the UK for them to cast their votes, all perfectly legal and all part and parcel of being in the EU.

DianeLockhart · 27/03/2015 19:22

You absolutely cannot change her vote and you shouldn't be gossiping about it to the whole family. Disgusting behaviour frankly.

emotionsecho · 27/03/2015 19:25

Including the OP, I counted six Floisme, but even if it was only one it would be one too many imo.

99pokerface · 27/03/2015 19:28

If I were her I wouldn't talk to you really ed fucking milliband vote milliband get Alex salmond is you who she should be worried about the cheek as if she voting BNP or somthing

FaceofNubia · 27/03/2015 19:33

If she were voting BNP, OP should have simply declined. But Labour aren't known for their honesty are they Hmm

SquidyVision · 27/03/2015 19:40

I live abroad and don't feel I have any real right to vote in the UK (I know I do legally) because I think it's up to the people that have to live with the outcome which may affect their lives to vote in the party they want. I'm shocked if she has been away for 5 years she wants a say tbh, and find it pretty cheeky.
Refuse to vote for her.

Theycallmemellowjello · 27/03/2015 19:42

Yabu. How weird to agree to proxy vote only if you agree with the vote. And what a breach of trust discussing someone else's vote with others. I don't really see why you can't put politics aside in personal relationships. I'm a former labour voter who's defected to the greens but I have friends who are members of the Conservative party. Sure debate politics with them but acting like it trumps personal relationships is a bit weird IMO. I'd do a proxy vote for a party I didn't believe in - would never occur to me not to because I respect everyone's right to vote with their conscience. I would ditch a friend if I found out they voted bnp - not that it's likely I'd ever become friends with such a person in the first place.

FannyFifer · 27/03/2015 19:42

I had to fill in a postal vote for one of my clients as they are paralysed & unable to do it, I vote SNP & had to fill in a vote for UKIP for them, yuk!

I even posted it for them, though joked that I wasn't going to.

HmmAnOxfordComma · 27/03/2015 19:43

You have two choices. Vote for whom she wants you to vote for or tell her in plenty of time to arrange a different proxy that she can trust.

Like pp, I'm properly shocked that anyone would consider changing a vote they've been entrusted to make for someone else.

Completely goes against the principles of democracy.

Annietheacrobat · 27/03/2015 19:48

This thread has just made me double check the date for the election . . . and will be across the pond. Postal vote for me then

Annietheacrobat · 27/03/2015 19:51

This thread has just made me double check the date for the election . . . and will be across the pond. Postal vote for me then

MsBug · 27/03/2015 19:53

It's not always possible to get a postal vote, as the post to some countries will take too long for the ballot to get there and back

Joshuajosephspork · 27/03/2015 20:05

I'd sooner vote for a dead dog than a Tory, but if you have agreed to be her proxy you must vote as she asks. It is her vote, not yours.

pressone · 27/03/2015 20:05

Just asked DP what he would do if I was sick on polling day and I asked him to cast my vote for UKIP or BNP & he said he would decline to be my proxy - I feel the same. Certainly wouldn't steal someone else's vote and cast it for my own choice but neither could I bring myself to cast a vote for something I felt was morally wrong.

So my twopennorth - decline to be proxy, she'll have to find someone else.

Radiatorvalves · 27/03/2015 20:13

DH was abroad at the last election and asked me to vote Tory for him. I did. And then voted LibDem myself. Think we can eked each other out.

Refuse to be her proxy or do as she asks.

Radiatorvalves · 27/03/2015 20:13

Cancelled!

CaptainAnkles · 27/03/2015 20:17

I would have to decline. She can ask someone else to do it, surely? I'd be sorely tempted to vote a different way but wouldn't be able to actually do it, it's completely wrong.

ComposHatComesBack · 27/03/2015 20:21

I loathe the Tories with every fibre of my being, really loathe them. But if someone had asked me to vote Tory for them by proxy I wouldn't have the slightest hesitation about doing for them. It isn't like it is depriving you of your vote and she would have voted Tory if she'd been living in the constituency or had a postal vote. You aren't endorsing the Tories in any way shape or form. I think you need to get over the fact she has different political views to you.

Kampeki · 27/03/2015 20:21

Much as I share your dislike of the Tories, you only have two choices in this situation.

A) You vote Tory on SIL's behalf
B) You ask her to find another proxy

You absolutely must not vote for any other party against her wishes. That would suggest a total disregard for democratic principles.

Personally, I would not be willing to help someone vote Tory, so I would decline to help at all.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 27/03/2015 20:37

As MN is fond of saying, 'No' is a complete sentence. Why has she not roped in your DH?

(Thanks for advice above BTW, have just discovered my expat sister can vote in our ultra-marginal constituency - and will def NOT be voting Tory- so that's a result)

AmyElliotDunne · 27/03/2015 20:42

I haven't rtft so don't know if there are any updates, but my PoV is that if you refuse, she will get someone else to do it, her vote will still get cast for her choice, so just do her a favour.

You don't HAVE to agree with her choice, that's the beauty of democracy. If she asked you to pick up something from the supermarket that you don't personally like you'd just do it, because you're doing her a favour, not getting it for yourself.

I can see why you might feel awkward about it, but really who she votes for is none of your business. If someone who was unable to vote in person asked me to proxy for them, even if it was one of the more undesirable parties, I would do it for them as their vote is just as valid as yours.

MrsHathaway · 27/03/2015 20:43

and by the way, if your SIL IS on here, I'm sure its not going to be too hard to figure who you are form the info given

Yes, but at least this disclosure won't be linked to other posts in OP's usual name.

Usual name: My bum is itchy. Shit, it's worms.
Name change:
Usual name: It's ok, the medicine seems to have worked.